Holiday musings

It's a season of anticipation. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, the last day of Advent. The shopping and decorating and wrapping and baking and waiting will finally come to an end.

My household is currently anticipating a passing of the marble Ruby swallowed yesterday.

I came home from the gym to a somber and anxious husband and a surprisingly quiet youngest daughter. Ruby and Maia had been playing upstairs, when Ruby came down and told Aleks that she had swallowed a marble. It was stuck in her throat, but she could breathe. Aleks tried to give her the Heimlich, but by then it had made its way down her esophagus into her stomach. It was very traumatic for everyone, but by the time I got home, the scary part was over. When I asked Ruby why she did that, her answer was that she wanted to see what it would be like to eat a marble. "But I didn't chew it," she was quick to tell me.

So as I said, we're currently awaiting the passing of said marble, amidst a few stomach pangs. I'm convinced all the hype over Christmas has affected the impulsivity of my children, which has caused Aleks and I to revisit the intensity of our active parenting.

There's something about the twinkly lights, Bing Crosby's Christmas Song, and the schedule-induced fatigue that makes me more reflective than usual. There's also the conclusion of the calendar year and the promise of new beginnings on the horizon.

The other day I was driving home from seeing Aleks at work and had made a quick stop at a local bakery to pick up bread for dinner. My kids were at school surrounded by friends, both in classes with teachers who are nurturing and kind. I had just exchanged texts with a friend about our weekly tap class and was heading to a workout at my CrossFit gym. Later that day I would teach an afternoon of lessons. Suddenly a feeling of peace washed over me. In that moment, I truly did not hate Wichita.

Six months ago I was a different person: sad, discouraged, empty. It turns out that quitting my job was perhaps the healthiest thing I've ever done for myself. Since then, I've been on a journey to discover what fills me as a person. I've found there are things I enjoy outside of my work and have discovered that I have an identity beyond my career, children, and husband. I've had to really think about what kind of artist I want to be and have adjusted my approach to interpersonal relationships. As a result, my marriage is back on track, I am present for my children, I am able to enjoy making music, among so many other things.

As usual, this year has been full and busy for our family. Highlights include:

We had a pergola installed over our deck, did a kitchen update, and finished painting about 60% of our home's interior.

I almost died.

A three week trip to CA and UT to visit both sides of our families.

I visited Washington DC for the first time.

I quit my job.

Ruby started all day kindergarten.

I co-founded a non-profit arts organization called Music On Site.

Aleks and I took a trip to NYC for a premier of a new piano piece he wrote.

It's been a challenging year for many people around the world, but also for our little family. I am eternally grateful to be partnered with a human who is willing to be uncomfortable and allow that discomfort to be an impetus for change. To be so completely supported in all my imperfection is something I will never take for granted.

From our little corner of this globe, we wish you and yours a happy, healthy, and joyful holiday season. And I'll leave you with this inspirational quote from my daughter Maia.

(Yeah, I went there. I apparently have the humor of a 12 year old boy.)