14 years

14 years looks like a kiss and a "happy anniversary"as he heads to an all day conference and I get on a plane to Phoenix.

It means studying each other's schedules and choreographing the kid swapping and the bag packing that has to happen before each activity.

It looks like random texts throughout the day telling stories of our kids we forgot to share, or reminding one another the garbage needs to go out, or asking if the credit card bill got paid. And the occasional eggplant emoji text.

For us, it looks like fewer dates night, but increased quality of the time we are alone.

Year 14 has been a good one. Some years are easier than others. Year 13 was hard.

How grateful I am to be partnered with someone who doesn't back away from unhappiness, but instead leans into it and figures out how to make it better.

Aleks has changed a lot this year. I have too. We are simultaneously more independent of each other, yet more strongly bonded.

In this 14th year we've learned to listen to each other better and more deeply. The space surrounding our relationship feels more vibrant and energized.

We've worked really hard to build the life we have together. Undoubtedly it is the single thing of which I am most proud.

Each year life seems to become more complex with kids' ballooning schedules, career advances, and  increased household responsibilities. Yet, the one thing that is crystal clear is my partner; I see him and know him.

Happy anniversary, darling. I'm looking forward to the year ahead and all the adventures it will bring.

(Look at those babies!)

Ruby Ann is SEVEN

Soon after being born, Ruby was held in the nursery and put on supplemental oxygen. Aleks would bounce between my room and the nursery, taking pictures and videos of Ruby to assure me she was doing ok. Other than a failed attempt at feeding while I was in recovery, it wasn't until 8 hours after the birth that I got to hold my girl Ruby.

I remember my doctor checking on me at one point in the afternoon and asking "Are you crying?" as I tried to mask the tears falling down my cheeks while he checked my blood pressure. I responded "I just want to hold my baby."

It wasn't long after, that a nurse came in and told me that she had been instructed to only to keep Ruby in the nursery until dinner time. After that, she was to be with me.

When I was in the hospital with Maia, I couldn't wait to go home. With Ruby it was different.

I knew as soon as I left there would be 2 little babies who needed me (Maia was 17 months). The hospital room service, nurses, and cleaning staff was such a luxury. It felt like a honeymoon. I think I slept with Ruby on my chest the entire stay.

 It was also Aleks' goatee phase...

Thankfully Ruby took it easy on us in the beginning. She slept well and nursed well and allowed us to figure out how to keep two little girls fed, dressed, and clean.

Every year, Ruby's personality blooms just a bit more, slowly showing us the kind of human she's becoming.

Ruby will always be my #1 taste tester. Quick to sense when there's a bowl to be cleaned or a beater that needs to be licked.

Ruby has an amazing sense of style. Perhaps the best way to describe it is boho-old lady patterns-pictures of animals-sassy/urban. She cares very much about her hair and already feels angst about having curly/wavy hair.

Ruby is one of the oldest kids in her class, which means she spent one year longer at home before heading off to kindergarten. Just two years ago, we were together all the time. The transition to kindergarten was hard, but now, I see an independence and confidence in Ruby that assures me she's doing just fine.

She and I have been through some tough times. Ages 2 1/2 to 5 1/2 were particularly challenging. However, Ruby and I are quite alike. I understood, more than anyone might guess, her emotional outbursts and angry door slamming. How gratifying it would be to give in to our emotions like that. It must feel good.

Because of Ruby, my well of patience has exponentially increased. Just when I'd think there isn't one more drop from which to pull, magically, I'd find my reserves had doubled. For that, I'm grateful.

Ruby didn't get her first tooth until she was 17 months old. Now they're beginning to fall out and her face has begun to transform and any signs of the toddler she once was are fading.

There are so many things I love about my second born: her humor, natural athleticism, her strong will, empathy, and so many others.

But, the thing I admire most about my seven year old, is her willingness to keep working at things that are hard. Often Ruby will try something new and struggle. And while I'm ready to give up, she'll keep plugging away, undiscouraged, and soon enough, becomes quite proficient.

I can't take credit for instilling that quality, I believe it's just an innate Ruby characteristic. And I'm so very grateful, because I have no doubt this little firecracker is going to make a positive impact on this world.

Happy birthday, my dearest.

5 Self Care Tips for Voice Teachers

I'm nearing 20 years (!) of private teaching experience, and while I'm still don't have it all figured out, there are several things I try to habitually follow to avoid burning out.

5. Set a time each night, after which you no longer respond to student texts/emails.
With all the glorious advances in technology, it is now easier than ever for students to have 24 hour access to their teachers. Sometimes it can be really wonderful. For instance, if you need a quick response about repertoire or lesson times, it's so handy to be able to text or FB message. However, those texts that come at 9:38 PM the night before a lesson, wondering where they can get the sheet music to the repertoire you assigned LAST WEEK (for which you also gave them the website/resources to find the music), those emails? Those can be pretty frustrating. I've learned that if I set a boundary, I do not allow myself to get sucked into a student's emergency brought on by procrastination and bad planning. Most teachers I know are very giving and generous with their time, so this may seem counterintuitive. However, for my sanity, it is helpful to have a designated time when I don't feel like I have to work.

4. Stay hydrated and nourished while teaching.
Due to my husband's work schedule and our family life, I often teach several looooooong days instead of a couple hours every day of the week. This means that I typically see 6-8 students in a row, before having a break. I've found staying on top of my hydration is paramount to keeping my energy up and my vocal health in tact. Similarly, having a handful of almonds or protein bar to eat between musical phrases often helps me maintain positivity when the 8th student in a row has forgotten their music.

3. Find supportive colleagues with whom you can share ideas/frustrations/concerns.
Too often voice teachers can be competitive with one another. I am so over that culture. There are enough voice students for everyone, we all have different approaches and personalities, and I'm confident enough in my teaching that I don't need to be threatened by a teacher who is also doing wonderful work. We teachers experience many of the same challenges and by sharing those frustrations, the possibilities for solutions exponentially increase. I'm so grateful to have several colleagues in my life with whom I can share my concerns and joys.

2. Continue to pursue outlets for your own artisty.
Students are so well served by a teacher who is pursuing their own creative endeavors. Not only is it a great example for them to see us practicing what we preach, but also it allows us to be "selfish" and feed our creative souls. So many of us enjoying performing or producing or directing and have to put those things to the side as the more financial stability of teaching becomes necessary. And once you've have something to show for your work, be sure your students get to see the fruits of your labor! I'm always surprised at the instant increase in esteem after a student has been to one of my performances.

1. Only work as hard as your student.
At the beginning of the summer I began to regularly see a therapist. I was burned out and had lost my way. Upon sharing my teaching frustrations, she stopped me and said, "Let me tell you what us therapists say to each other. It's the thing that keeps us from burning out and allows us to be effective in our patient's lives: only work as hard as your patient." This 7 word motto has changed my life. She went on to say that if we continually enable our student's/patient's behavior of not taking responsibility for changing, we are effectively robbing them of growth. In essence, the very thing we are trying to do is negated by our ernest behavior. I'm learning that I can be an empathetic, loving teacher while staying within the responsibilities of my role as teacher.

Teaching voice is hard and exhausting, but can be so very rewarding. Making sure to take care of yourself will help keep you energized, excited, and eager to be in the studio.