Chicago 2014 Edition

A week ago Aleks and I were in Chicago having the best weekend together we've had in a long time.
This week has been hectic, and while I'm bone tired, I'm grateful to have the perspective on how wonderful our trip was.

I'd just like to say that this trip wouldn't have been possible without my amazing, generous, patient, intensely helpful mother-in-law, who watched not only our girls for 3 days, but also our puppy, who is not yet house trained. Oh, and we've had workers at our house for 2 weeks putting up new siding. She put up with that as well, including the day they cut through a pipe on accident.

(Also, can we just note that the previous owners did not have the house tyvek wrapped before putting the siding up? These guys have had to replace a ton of rotted plywood. I can't tell you how good it feels to have this done.)

If Nana isn't up for sainthood, I don't know who is!

Did I mention that we had an amazing weekend? Well, we did. It was completely and entirely the best 3 days Aleks and I have spent together in a long time.

Don't let my crappy iPhone pictures distract you from fact that each day was so fabulous it was if there were butterflies fluttering and birds singing while the sun provided perfect lighting for all our adventures.

Due to delays and connections, we almost didn't make it to Chicago the night we had planned. Thankfully, my husband knows his way around a travel app and how to sweet talk the Delta employees. Magically we made it to our hotel just before midnight.

The weather was perfect and the view from our hotel reminded me how much I love city life.

After a late breakfast we walked around a bit and enjoyed being schedule free.

Then we saw some very dear friends and their new baby!

Who happens to look just like his sister. 

And also happens to love me. If love looks like falling asleep in someone's arms.

We got pedicures together and it was a really great idea. Aleks always talks about how much he loves getting pedicures, but we figured out that he hasn't had one since we've been married.

We told the girls we might bring them a gift from the American Girl Store. After being unable to find anything under a thousand dollars, we left empty handed. They got shoes from the Disney store instead. Which were too small for Ruby. So, womp womp.

Anyway, we had reservations at Rick Bayless' Topolobampo, which we were really excited about.

Two years ago we went to Frontera and saw Rick Bayless, himself! This time Rick was in L.A., but it was an amazing dinner.

7 courses with wine tastings for each course. (I didn't get a picture of the first course, which was actually my favorite, a shrimp cerviche.)

I'm still full.
Seriously.

Somehow we managed to make it back to our hotel without bursting at the seams and then met up with some old friends (they're not old, we've just known them for awhile) for drinks. 

And then the next morning we slept in until 9(!) and I believe the last time I did that was eleven years ago.

Then ate some more and browsed a record store before heading to the airport.

We got home after the girls were in bed, but we had a happy reunion the next morning.

I've been kind of a pain to live with this week. Stressed out and almost manic with everything that needs to be done. This guy has been the best. Patient with me and taking my sometimes misplaced urgency in stride. He's up for sainthood too.

I'll be storing up the memories of this weekend for a long time to come.

It's a good start

You'd think after being married to someone for 11 years, you'd be able to go on autopilot once in awhile.

Eleven feels like such an accomplishment. It says, "we're not messing around!" It demands a pat on the back and a parade.

However, my wise father put things into perspective for me when he causally mentioned, "it's a good start."

He's totally right. Eleven years out of fifty or sixty is just the beginning. And yet, it's still an accomplishment.

At times I feel like we're standing next to each other, watching as the bullets of divorce or sickness or infertility or financial stress claim and injure the people we know.

It makes me want to cling tighter, look inward, and put up the defenses against whatever might try and tear us apart. Because, we're not anything special, we don't have secret insight into what makes a long term relationship work. All I can do is be sure I'm doing my part.

These eleven years of marriage have taught me that:
1. being kind and loving trumps all
2. listening is a highly underrated skill and so very important
3. laughter is the best medicine and nourishment for my marriage
4. there is no place for judgmental thoughts or feelings
5. daily sacrifices are necessary and while it's difficult, the benefits are life-giving

It's no surprise that things change in 11 years. There are three distinct grey hairs on Aleks' chin now. I've got more wrinkles around my eyes. We have less, yet also more patience for each other. The stakes are higher: kids, a house, a dog (a dog!), more pressure in our careers, but it's these things that keep up tethered to each other and motivating us to be better people and spouses.

I'm really happy that Aleks still likes me because I really like him. Heaven knows there are reasons he could have left long ago.

He's the yin to my yang. The air in my tires. The bacon in my twice baked potatoes. He makes my life infinitely better. I'm grateful to be on this journey together.

Happy anniversary darling.

Life is complicated

This afternoon Aleks and I are leaving for Chicago to celebrate our anniversary. On Saturday we'll have been married for eleven years.
Because I have THE BEST mother-in-law, we are leaving the kids at home.
Which also means, I've almost killed myself getting everything ready so that I can (hopefully) re-enter life on Sunday relatively pain free.

I'm desperate to get away. I've needed a kid free vacation for awhile and I might just lay in bed at the hotel for 2 1/2 days and watch TV.

And yet, I'm so sad about leaving the girls. I know they will be fine and have a wonderful time with Nana, and yet, I'm a mess.

Ruby is really the one I worry about. She is so sensitive and the one who feels differences in schedules and atmosphere the most. This morning she was awake at 5, wanting to sleep in our bed. I think I told her no, it's all a bleary haze. When I went into her room later this morning, I saw this.

I came downstairs and said "Ruby, what do we draw on with crayons?" and right as she was answering "paper" I saw the little lightbulb go off, she knew I knew she had drawn all over her walls.

Maia never did anything like this, but I think its because she just didn't think of it. It's hard for me to be mad. I'm actually tickled that she's being creative and expressing herself this way. It's just crayon, anyway, and I'm going to paint the whole house this year. (Don't tell Aleks)

Not an hour later I saw this thumbprint in some softened butter.

Ruby denied it at first, but after being assured she would not get in trouble, confessed.

Then I had masters swim this morning and Ruby just did not want to go to the kid's zone. I'm sure she's feeling a bit of anxiety about us leaving and it breaks my heart and frustrates me because there is stuff I need to get done and at the same time I know that I ask a lot of my kids and they are so good about being flexible and going with the flow.

So now, Aleks and I are at the airport, waiting for our delayed flight and thankfully, I'm already starting to feel the stress dissipate. I'm not going to lie, I did shed a few tears in the car.

Last night a good friend told me just what I needed to hear, "they will miss you and will be so excited to see you when you come back. AND you'll be an even better mama then because you spent some quality time with your hubby... everything involves sacrifice, even the good stuff!"

So, I'm banishing my guilt and an jumping all into this gift of a weekend I've been given.

See ya'll on the other side! (Also, I'm sure my IG account will be full of anniversary pics, so check in there if you're interested.)

Four

Today Ruby is four.

I think she's going to have a really good year. I've been seeing signs, promises of new growth from the soil we've been working for the past two years.

Big things like tantrums becoming a thing of the past.

Little things like trotting into her preschool class with hardly a glance back.

And even things like having a bounce house on the first cool weekend in awhile.

We rented a bounce house for Maia's birthday back in April, but it never came. After finally getting in touch with the owner, he profusely apologized and offered us a bounce house for 24 hours, free of charge.

We didn't plan a party for Ruby. Partly because she's the second child. Partly because she doesn't have any friends that weren't Maia's friends first. Partly because she just started school and is still getting to know her classmates. Partly because we're didn't get our act together soon enough.

We did however, invite one of her sweet friends from school and they had a blast bouncing and eating cupcakes.

We basically had the bounce house all weekend and didn't really see much of the girls. It was fantastic. They wore themselves out.

Ruby was very sad that "her bounce house" was gone this morning.

Yesterday we went to build-a-bear (her choice), since I have to work today, but this morning we went to breakfast and will eat cupcakes and open presents and hopefully she'll feel loved and special on her day.

Oh, my sweet Ruby.
Just as quick to hug and kiss and be cuddled and she is to voice her displeasure with you or her socks or Isabelle.
My passionate little bug.

An imagination like none other. A little actress.
"Mommy, take a picture where I'm saying 'uh uh!'"

My little clown. Maia is adamant that Ruby is the funny one in the family.
A creative thinker who will do really exciting things one day. If anyone can think outside a paradigm, it's this little peanut.

How empty and boring my life would be with Ruby Ann to challenge, entertain, and love me the way she does.

Happy Birthday my sweet girl. I am so glad you were born.

Almost four

In January of 2013 Ruby was 2 and Maia was almost 3. We went to visit my parents in Arizona and while Aleks had to get back to snowy Wichita, I was able to stay and enjoy the beautiful weather. We had just spent 2 weeks in Oregon for Christmas and Ruby was ready to be home.

I distinctly remember that afternoon. Ruby desperately needed a nap (I did too) and her sleep deprivation seemed to give her superhuman strength.

She and I battled for close to 2 hours. Why I chose to let it go on that long, I can only write off as exhaustion fueled logic.

In the end, she won. Never took a nap. Broke my spirit. Made me question my capabilities as a parent.

That day I called Aleks and told him that we should look into a vasectomy.

Almost every night for the next two years, bedtime with Ruby has involved tantrums and/or manipulative shenanigans that caused me to dread that time after dinner.

We tried everything we could think of. Incentives, timeouts, threats, yelling, tenderness, locking doors, persuading, routines, begging, ignoring, taking away of privileges. I hate to admit it, but we even swatted her butt a few times, of which I feel completely hypocritical about. Actually, that entire list makes me feel sick.

Nothing seemed to impact my ferociously stubborn child. It was almost as if it was habit for her.

Bedtime=tantrum.

We could not figure out how to break that cycle.

Two years people.

I think the only thing that kept up sane was that we started this whole process relatively early in the evening so we always had time to decompress by ourselves after she finally passed out.

I can't put an exact date on it, but Ruby has not thrown one tantrum at bedtime in the past week and a half.

She's come close, but we've been able to head her off with ease.

Next week Ruby will be 4. She started preschool last month. We got a puppy. Lots of changes and yet everything else has stayed the same.

It's like a switch got flipped.

I'm hesitant to even mention it, but I'm not terribly superstitious and the past two years have taught me that I don't really have that much control over the situation.

My biggest prayer is that she comes out of this season with minimal scaring that fades quickly. Actually I hope that for all of us.

So cheers to a new season. To maturity and growth and cooperation.