Kindergarten

The first day has come and gone.
We are all exhausted and handling it in different ways.

It's funny how the effects of change sneak up and you don't notice it until you're suddenly trying not to cry in your muscle pump class when the instructor runs in late because it was her daughter's first day of kindergarten as well.

This week we all start school. Maia will be in afternoon kindergarten five days a week. Ruby will be in afternoon preschool three days a week.

But today was really Maia's day.

My smart, sassy firstborn had her first day of kindergarten.
And she was ready.

The teachers were all "just drop your child off in the car line and someone will be there to meet them" and I'm all "my little girl is only going to have a first day of kindergarten once so I'm walking her in" while quivering inside because this 33 year old firstborn doesn't like to break the rules.

Maia embraced this day with enthusiasm. She couldn't hug me goodbye fast enough.
"Can I take of picture of you and Mrs. Hays?"
"No!" (I swear she rolled her eyes too)

What I'm realizing is, the older they get, the less time they spend with me. More and more outside influences impact their minds.

Do they know how wonderful they are? Will they choose to be loving and kind?

It's not that I'm sad my girls are growing up. I'm quite excited about that actually. I'm just scared of what I don't know. That maybe whatever happens at school will change her beyond recognition.

Then I pick her up and she's all smiles and I'm fighting back tears again because she's exactly the same (and alive) and if she can be open to new experiences, than maybe I can too.

How is she so brave?

We're almost to the car and then I hear in a tiny voice "Mommy I really need to go potty." And just like that I'm back on solid ground. This I know how to handle.

Tomorrow she takes the bus to school.
Wednesday Ruby starts.

Hold me.

Or send wine.

Kindergarten

We're entering a season of change.

It's something I'm familiar with, yet still makes me uncomfortable. The kind of uncomfortable that slowly gnaws at you, manifesting itself in irritability and sensitivity.

When Maia turned 3, all of the people we knew here in Wichita were making plans to send their kids to preschool.

I had never really given a lot of thought to pre-kindergarten schooling.

I didn't go to preschool, but Aleks did.

In the almost 5 years (!) that Aleks and I have been parents, we've figured out ways that both of us can work with needing only minimal outside childcare.

Because I get to be a stay at home mom 70% of the time, we wanted to be sure that if we sent Maia to preschool, it would be better than what she was getting at home (which is pretty awesome).

We wanted more than day care.

For us, here in Kansas, that meant a really wonderful, highly rated private school.

So at 3 1/2 years old, Maia started preschool and has loved every single minute.

August 2012

Aleks and I have always had a few reservations about private school. He was a Montessori kid until middle school, when he transitioned into public school and I was a public school kid all the way.

My family was never in a financial position to send me to private school, but they opted to "school" me rather than homeschool. I don't know if they would have put me in private school had money not been an issue, I'm guessing not.

Our reservations with private school have mainly been with the social aspect.

While private schools often provide smaller classroom sizes and many valuable opportunities, they also seem to present an unrealistic view of what society looks like.

Aleks and I really want our children to function healthfully in the world with many different kinds of people from all different socioeconomic and racial backgrounds because in my experience, that's what real life looks like.

August 2013

Which is not to say that students who attend private schools cannot relate or have empathy for those who are different than themselves.

And private school is an excellent option for many people.

When we moved to Kansas, we picked the house we did because it's in a good school district. We knew that private school tuition would not be something we could afford long term and so now we live in the suburbs and have a considerable commute to work.

I must admit that we are envious of our childless friends who can live in areas that have tree-lined streets, houses full of character, and a 10 minute drive to work.

If only those neighborhoods had great schools!

A few weeks ago I called the elementary school in our district to get Maia on the list for kindergarten and- there's that gnawing feeling.

Especially since Maia is my first, everything is uncharted territory.

Collegiate has been such a wonderful place for Maia to start her school experience. The teachers are amazing, highly qualified, and completely invested in the students and their families. The classes are small, the communication is wonderful, and she's learning.

The other day I was laying with Maia to help her nap and as I was dozing off, I had a realization.

The thing that I'm nervous about, is the very reason we are sending Maia to public school.

I'm worried that she will get lost in the shuffle, that her teachers won't know how special she is, and that she won't reach her full potential if she isn't afforded special opportunities.

Isn't that what we all want for ourselves even?

To be appreciated for who we are and to be accomplished?

I'd like her to grow up in an environment in which she learns to stand out on her own, to find her voice and how to use it.

Although it certainly plays a part, school isn't going to give my child those things.

I do know that Maia is going to thrive and touch the lives of those around her wherever she is.

So, we'll do the best we can, letting go of what we cannot control and learning that the discomfort change brings, while difficult, is the prelude to possibility and experience.

I'll continue to be involved in my sweet Maia's life and hopefully help her find opportunities that will continue to make her an educated, well-rounded, compassionate member of society.

And if she gets a full ride to college along the way, that'd be great too.