Scary

Yesterday morning my blood platelet count was 1,000. For those of you who, like me before this week, have no idea what that means, I'll tell you this. Anything below 50,000 causes concern. What a 1,000 platelet count looks like is red dots all over the body, burst capillaries below the skin. Bruises that seem to come from no where. A mouth filled with blood blisters on the tongue, gums, and cheeks. Bleeding gums. Bloody nose.

The platelets are the part of the blood that help to create clots. They are yellowish and syrupy when taken away from the rest of the blood. I know this because I had a unit of them put into my body yesterday. When your platelets are low, your blood doesn't coagulate. With a platelet count as low as mine was, any cut could turn into a life threatening situation. A bump to the head with bleeding in the brain would mean death.

It all sounds quite dramatic and I haven't really let myself think about it until just now. I'm overwhelmed with a sense of what might have been and how lucky I am.

Sunday night I had a nose bleed that would quite stop. It wasn't gushing, but every time I blew my nose there was bright red blood on the tissue. Looking back, I remember one point in which I woke up feeling the blood trickling out my nose and jumping up to wipe it away before it could get on the sheets. I woke up Monday feeling sick to my stomach from all the blood I had ingested through post nasal drip. I felt as if I was bleeding out.

At my family doctor that morning they drew blood and told me to take it easy. We didn't know yet how low my count actually was. You know it's not good news when the doctor calls you the next morning at 7:20 as she's waking her children for school. They sent me that morning (Tuesday) to a hematologist who is also an oncologist and the appointment was in the cancer center. The journey I've been on these past few days has changed me. The work of caring for the sick is never finished. I don't know how health care professionals aren't swallowed whole by enormity of it all.

My low platelet count was triggered by an adverse reaction to an antibiotic (a sulpha) I was taking for an infected finger. The hematologist said they see one case like mine a year. He sent me across the parking lot to the hospital to get a unit of platelets. I had received the whole bag and was leaving the infusion center when my eye started to feel funny. I used the restroom before heading to my car and when I looked in the mirror I saw that my eyeballs were red and swollen, as if they had water blisters covering them. I immediately walked back to the infusion center and asked if it was normal to react like that. They promptly placed me in a wheelchair and wheeled me to the ER. I was having an allergic reaction to the proteins in the platelets. It happens 30% of the time.

Once in the ER they gave me Benadryl and steroids through my IV, which the infusion center had kindly left in my arm. Because of the low count, anytime my blood has been drawn, it's left a huge bruise. I will be getting platelet counts everyday this week and the infusion center asked the hematologist if they could just leave it in, since it's able to draw. So, I have a closed IV stuck in my arm for the next few days, but at least I'm spared getting stuck and bruised over and over.

Once they had administered the drugs they just monitored me for about an hour and let me go. Before I left, they told me that my count was 8,000.

This morning I had a count done and praise be, it was 34,000. I'm not out of the woods yet, but that number just looks so damn good to me today.

Honestly, today I feel the worst I've felt this whole time. I've had a terrible headache and nausea and my muscles ache all over as a side affect from the steroids they gave me yesterday. From what I've read it sounds like it takes about 24 hours for the symptoms to pass. Now, at 4:30, I'm feeling the best I have all day.

Because my of the way my job works, I have anywhere from 5-20 appointments with different people each day. So many of you already know some of this story as I've had to cancel our lessons. However, lots of you are near and dear to me, but whom I don't interact with on a weekly basis and I wanted to fill you in as well. If I haven't responded to an email or text, this is why.

Through all of this, I have been shown that I have an amazing village surrounding me. I can count  more than two hands of people that I can call to help out with kids or food or anything. And I did call many of you and you drove Ruby to school and took care of the kids so Aleks could meet me in the ER. The doctor husband of one of my friends came and sat with me in the ER when he finished his surgeries. So many kindnesses and offers of help make me realize that Wichita has become a home. I hope you all know I've got your back too.

I'm on the mend. I'm going to be ok. Thank you all for your prayers and love and support to me and my family.

Winter so far

Today is my day off and I've been excited about it since last night. People have been saying "that's great, it's like you have a three day weekend!" What any other musician understands is that we don't get the weekends off, so to have one whole day to myself is a gift. My plans for today include working out, writing, and practicing. So here we are.

The start of the new year has brought a change in mood. Things feel fresher and the promise of possibility is evident in the air. It could be that our unseasonably warm and dry winter has contributed to this difference. Whatever, the cause, I welcome it with open arms.

The girls started ballet last month and are loving every minute. Maia is quite perturbed that they can't stay for jazz and tap, which immediately follows ballet. They are so cute in their pink tights and blue leotards. There's just something about little girls and ballet that makes me so happy to have daughters. It's quite magical, actually.

Ruby is continuing swim lessons. She's fully proficient in the water and now they're working on things like side breathing and breast stroke. It amazes me at how she is so naturally physical and athletic. She's still intense and screams in agony when I brush her hair, but she's also maturing and is such a love.

Both girls are taking piano lessons now, with teachers other than myself. Maia's getting quite good and is adjusting to a new teaching style and teacher. I see firsthand how important it is for beginners to have fun with lessons so that they don't get burned out practicing early on. Her new teacher is more strict about the amount of practicing she wants, so we're continuing to find a balance. Ruby is very excited about starting lessons with Maia's old teacher through the university and being a "test subject" for piano pedagogy grad students.

Maia is having a great 1st grade year. The other day she came running in the house and said "I broke a world record!" She had scored 100% on her spelling pre-test and was very excited about it. I asked her if anyone else done that before and she sort of rolled her eyes and shook her head and said "Well, Will has, because, you know, he's so smart." Will is the Gilbert Blythe to Maia's Anne Shirley.

There's also been more interest and talk in our house about being in love and crushes. Maia came home with a love letter the other day, which was completely adorable. However, I don't think Aleks is quite ready for it all.

Ruby loves school as well. She doesn't love books as much as Maia, but she's reading beginning books and is a hard worker in the classroom. Ruby has always been more introspective and quiet in large groups, but this year she's opening up. She does this sweet thing of tucking her hair behind her ears when she's speaking in front of a group or to an adult audience. I'm sure its a comfort/coping thing for her in stressful situations. Whenever I see her do it, I'm simultaneously heartbroken (because it's hard to see your kid emotionally uncomfortable) and proud (because she figures out what she's trying to communicate and does it).

Maia really wanted to make a tiered cake, so we did. Aleks said "you're such a good mom." I just really like chocolate cake.

Aleks and I are as busy as ever with work and are feeling fulfilled. Aleks has taken on some leadership responsibilities in the School of Music this year and has really risen to the challenge. He's also been part of a leadership training program that takes place throughout the year and I love hearing him talk about all he's learning. My private studio is thriving and I've started a wait list. I discovered last semester that it's better to limit the studio size and feel sane, than to say yes whenever people ask. My WSU students are improving and keep me laughing. Seven of my music theater students went to a theater festival with WSU's production of Smoky Joe's and one of them won the top music theater award. I'm beyond proud to see them representing themselves and their training so well.

Over winter break I decided to try and finish the upstairs painting by tackling the hallway and stairwell. The hallway was easy, but the stairwell proved to be a challenge. 

We borrowed an extension ladder and cinder block from a friend and I almost got the whole thing primed before I discovered that to paint the tip top edges was scarier than I had thought. So, we ended up hiring someone to finish. It took 3 hours, looks beautiful, and was the best money we've spent in quite a while.

I couldn't get a good picture of it all completed. You'll just have to come over so I can show you!

Somehow it's February and Valentine's day is around the corner. Soon it'll be Easter and then finals. Hold onto your hats folks, it's a crazy ride!