Twelve!

It's that time of year again; the streets in our neighborhood are packed with cars of students at the university finding free parking. The start of school usually means cool mornings and warm days. The kids come through the door, sweaty from the bus and walk home.

The beginning of the school year also means Ruby's birthday. It's a month filled with promise and possibilities. 

Ruby's birth was a quick affair, a planned cesarean, in which so many things went wrong. The anesthesiologist had a hard time getting my spinal in; he kept hitting nerve endings, making me jump. When he finally got it in the correct spot, the epidural hit and my blood pressure dropped quickly; I threw up and almost passed out. Then, during the surgery, it was discovered that a large group of veins had formed under my previous c-section scar and when the doctor went to cut Ruby out, I started bleeding. A lot. They had to pull Ruby out very quickly and work to get the bleeding under control. As a result, Ruby had a hard time breathing on her own and spent the first 8 hours of her life hooked up to oxygen in the nursery. Of course, I couldn't walk to go see her in the nursery, due to the epidural, so had to rely on stories and pictures from Aleks.

Needless to say, when they finally brought her to my room, I cuddled Ruby on my chest and we remained that way until discahrged. That time in the hospital was dreamy. I had a sweet, sleepy newborn on my chest, nurses to bring me food, no dishes or laundry to do, and my toddler at home was being cared for.

It took Ruby two and a half years to find her voice. After a colicky first born, I thought I had hit the jackpot with a baby that actually didn't cry all the time. Joke was on me; she was just biding her time. We had a tough couple of years figuring each other out, but eventually got there and learned how to communicate effectively.

The thing is, Ruby just feels everything deeply. And when she's feeling something, she wants you to feel that way too. Ruby has taught me that I can't help people unless they want to be helped. She reminds me that even though responsible, mature people can handle a lot, it doesn't mean they should be expected to. 

Today Ruby turns 12. She got curtain bangs before school started and is wearing jeans instead of leggings. She is playing cello in the 6th grade orchestra and continues to play piano. She is passionate and kind. Responsible and disciplined. Funny and smart. To know Ruby is to love her.

Happy birthday dearest girl! The world is a brighter place because of you.

Eleven!

This year, I finally learned the lesson that Ruby has been trying to teach me her whole life. 

It's ok for her to feel all her feelings.

I think it took me 11 years to learn this lesson because the intensity of Ruby's feelings is quite powerful. It goes against all instinct to allow her fire to burn without trying to put it out.

Once I stopped looking at the fire and instead, into the source, I see that the fire hasn't consumed her. In fact, it's refining her into an amazing young woman.

This has been a big year for her, for us all. COVID, a big move, new everything. I'm humbled by her maturity and ability to be uncomfortable. Granted, she's not always quiet about the discomfort, but she doesn't run away from it.

Happy 11th birthday, my darling. 

I love getting to know you better and better each year.

Double Digits!

Sweet and spicy Ruby is now 10. 

Double digits. 

"A tween," she told me.

She continues to amaze me with her musicianship in everything she does; playing the piano, singing, dancing.

Despite being bit by a dog this year and getting 5 stiches, she still loves them and sleeps with our dog, Isabelle, every night.

Ruby has an amazing sense of style and has firm opinions about what she, and the rest of the family, wears. I can always count on her for honest feedback.

Ruby also has a great sense of humor. 

She did us all proud at the school spelling bee. I was a nervous wreck and I can imagine how she must have felt, but Ruby worked through those nerves and did so well. (The cat ears probably helped.)

Ruby, you are so special. I love getting to know you better each year and watch you grow into an amazing  young lady. Your kind heart, passionate opinions, and deep feelings are your super powers.

Happy birthday Ruby Ann!

P.S. Here's what we did during quarentine, when being home felt new and exciting and we were ready to be creative. You might have already seen this, but it's worth another view!

Nine is fine!

Ruby Ann was born at 10:25am after a planned c section. She wasn't getting enough oxygen and so stayed in the nursery with tubes in her nose for the first 8 hours of her life. They finally brought her to me that evening where she slept on my chest for the rest of our hospital stay.

She was an easy baby (compared to her sister who screamed at us non-stop for 8 months) and cut her first tooth at 17 months!

At 2 1/2 she realized the full potential of her power and decided to wage war with her parents on all matters related to sleeping and getting her way. 4 1/2 came and our sweet girl was returned. Her power remained undiminished, but she now had a greater understanding of self control and increased communication skills.

She continues to be sensitive and intuitive, feeling the emotions of those around her. She is opinionated about everything and is learning to handle disappointment in a healthy way. 

Things Ruby loves:

food

physical activity (she's good at almost anything she tries)

drinking coffee

fashion

doing "grownup things"

her dog

Things Ruby does and is great at, but sometimes feel like "work" to her:

piano

soccer

reading

A friend once told me that some children are like wildflowers and some are like orchids. Wildflowers thrive almost anywhere with very little tending while orchids have a reputation for being difficult to grow.

Ruby is my orchid. And here's the thing: orchid care isn't difficult, it's just different. And what a beautiful flower we have growing in our family.

Happiest of birthdays to you Ruby Ann. We love you.

Eight Years Old

She now takes her own shower, followed by a blow dry and straight iron session.

When I wore a fashionably questionable pair of pants, at which both Aleks and Maia wrinkled their noses, Ruby's opinion was the one that convinced me to put them in the give away pile.

The other morning Ruby was particularly tired and asked me for a cup of coffee.

She makes a lot of her own food now: hot dogs, macaroni and cheese, slices cheese for cheese and crackers.

She sleeps with a weighted blanket and wears noise canceling headphones.

She loves Isabelle more than anything and just wants to cuddle and hug that poor dog all day long.

She's a girl with big emotions; as quick to laugh and hug as she is to be impatient and snap. When she wants, she is good at understanding the emotions of others and tending to their needs.

Ages 2 1/2 to 4 1/2 were dicey, at best. But, my oh my, what a delight and joy this girl is to our family and all those who know her.

I suspect we'll always need to encourage her to find ways to manage her anxiety and sensitivity, but watching her continue to grow and mature is an exciting privilege.

Seven was magical. I'm so excited to see what eight will bring.

New Roles

It's the last week of August. The kids have been in school for 2 weeks and I'm finally starting to recover from our long, intense summer.

Headed into fall, we are all trying on new roles. Aleks is the new Director of the School of Music at WSU. This new position is something he wanted quite a lot and for which he is very well suited. As his partner, it's exciting and fun to watch him overcome challenges and put into practice so many of his leadership skills.

Maia is now a 4th grader. She is taking on more responsibility by singing in an extracurricular choir, continuing with piano lesson, and taking acro jazz. There is more responsibility and independence in her classroom this year and we're working to expand that into our home life as well.

Ruby is in 2nd grade. She just started competitive soccer and is getting adjusted to the intensity of practices and games. Turns out, I'm one of those parents who yells a lot from the sidelines. And it turns out I know nothing about soccer. After a summer of violin lessons, she's back into piano and showing marked maturity about practicing so far.

For many different reasons (a major one being Aleks' new job which demands more traditional work hours) I have stepped into the role of CEO of household management. After two weeks of stay-at-home work, I am once again struck with what a luxury it is to have a partner who is able to manage all the household affairs. Of course, because I'm me, I'm still working 3 other part time jobs, but I've reduced my private teaching by about 2/3, which leaves me more time to take care of the family.

Now that I have time, one of the things I've taken over are the interactions with our insurance agent, contractor (we're remodeling our bathroom, but more on that another time), piano tuner, auto mechanic, etc.

Which leads me to say: salesMEN of Wichita, y'all are going to have to figure out a different way to interact with this strong, independent woman. Your "hey there little lady" mentality is not going to cut it. And when I call you for clarifications on policies, I am not a "deeply concerned woman." Rather I'm an intelligent customer who is irritated that she has to take time out of her day to get clarification on a matter that should have been explained during our hour long meeting last week. And when I'm matter of fact on the phone and don't want to chat about nonsense, I'm not angry or rude, I've just got stuff to do.

Is this a midwest thing? I don't feel like I was treated this way other places I've lived...

Now that I'm not drowning in work, I'm hoping to resume some of my creative projects. One of them includes writing here on a more consistent basis. Another is that I'm hoping to record another season of our podcast, "What Makes."

I hope your fall is off to a good start and that whether you're working in the home or outside the home, you are finding time to be creative and fulfilled!

Another school year in the books

It's the last day of the school year!

I'm sure teachers are looking at summer vacation with visions of bathroom breaks whenever they need them, reading for pleasure, and later bedtimes.

I'm sure my kids are looking at summer vacation with visions of afternoons at the pool, frozen yogurt for dinner, and endless play time.

I'm looking at the summer months a bit more realistically. I'm sure the girls will be asking for snacks every 30 minutes and I know there will be significant amounts of bickering in the beginning. However, I'm also looking forward to hanging out with my girls, saying yes as much as possible, and reconnecting as a family.

(Side note, both my kids bought recorders at the music store yesterday, so there's that...)

This year has been so good for Ruby. I've seen her grow in confidence and bravery. I'm most proud of the way she faced some anxiety filled events and proved to herself that she is capable of doing really hard things.

(She's upset at me this morning because her teacher said not to bring anything in their backpacks today, but I put her lunch in there. We're not sure about the hot lunch situation on this last day, so I decided we should play it safe and send one. This is a perfect example of her tendency toward anxiety.)

Maia also had a great year. She's grown emotionally and is starting to form real friendships with some kids at school. She was a classroom representative on Student Council and we saw her demonstrate a real passion for this job.

At the end of this school year, more than ever, I see the age difference between my girls. Maia is starting to think about puberty and is dealing with more social conflicts than in the past. Ruby is still a "little" girl and always wants Maia to play catch or Life or dolls. More often than not, Maia would rather spend time alone.

They are so close in age, they've always been built-in playmates. The dynamic has shifted a bit and we'll all be figuring out how to navigate this new place.

I'm picking up the girls today from school so that we can give their teachers a small token of our gratitude. I'm feeling the loss that comes at the end of a chapter. I'm so enormously grateful to the women who shepherded their classrooms this year. They held my girls in kindness and love, while keeping them to high standards.

These women saw my kids more than I did some weeks and there are not adequate words to describe my gratitude for their commitment to helping raise smart, responsible, kind kids.

Cheers to the start of summer!

My crazy family

It was one of those weekends, in which I had to work Saturday (not typical) and Sunday (typical). Thankfully our family was able to connect at dinner Saturday night and I caught up on the events of the day.

There are so very many reasons why I love my husband. One of them is that he likes to grocery shop and assumes that responsibility most Saturdays. We usually sit down on Friday night or early Saturday morning, plan the menu for the week, and create our shopping list. We've been doing this for 8 years and it has saved us so much time and money. In an attempt to be the most efficient with our budget, he ends up going to 3 different grocery stores. Aleks has the routine down to a science and it usually takes about 2 hours to get it all done. Without kids, that is.

This weekend, Aleks had to take the girls with him, which everyone dreads. To give them an incentive, he usually promises them a Costco treat if they are helpful. And sometimes, it means making things interesting during travel time.

Ruby started the story.

In the car between grocery stores, Aleks told them they could cuss, just this once, and he wouldn't get mad.

Ruby's eyes lit up as she remembered the event: "Do you know what he said?! The F-U word!"

Then Aleks chimes in "so, Ruby, what did you say?"

"The F-U word" she says with a little grin on her face.

But apparently, they couldn't pressure Maia into cussing. She just wouldn't do it.

And at that moment, as we're finishing out last bites of chicken, she points an accusing finger around the table and says "YEAH, because I'm the only Christian here!"

Aleks and I just about died from laughter. I love being a part of this family.

Today Maia and I talked some more about that whole event. I didn't talk with her about the fact that "sin is sin" and cussing once in awhile is just as bad as not always demonstrating loving behavior towards her sister and maybe I should have gone there, but instead I chose to focus on the fact that I love her strong morals and that she needs to be careful that she doesn't judge other people who are different.

"Ruby and I aren't different," she told me, "I just have very strong opinions about saying bad words."

And those strong opinions are one of the very things I love most about her.

You might think her strong convictions and inclinations toward faith come from living in such a conservative, evangelical part of the country. However, Aleks and I certainly don't reinforce those cultural influences and the church we attend is one of the rare non-judge-y communities in this area. Instead, it's just who she is. I suppose it's built into her DNA. (And maybe, just maybe her mom might have been like that when she was younger. Maybe.)

Monday is my day off. It's a day for me to catch up on housework and paperwork and loose ends at work. It's a day that I don't have to put on makeup. The girls don't have school today, so we're using it as a time for us to reconnect as well. Lots of Lego playing and a trip to the trampoline park while I try to catch up best I can. Maybe we'll watch some Olympics later.

These days I'm particularly aware of how grown my children have become and how different our lives look compared to our first years here in Wichita. The wind still keeps us up at night and we still can't grocery shop at Trader Joe's, but things are comfortable and easy here in the middle.

Ruby Ann is SEVEN

Soon after being born, Ruby was held in the nursery and put on supplemental oxygen. Aleks would bounce between my room and the nursery, taking pictures and videos of Ruby to assure me she was doing ok. Other than a failed attempt at feeding while I was in recovery, it wasn't until 8 hours after the birth that I got to hold my girl Ruby.

I remember my doctor checking on me at one point in the afternoon and asking "Are you crying?" as I tried to mask the tears falling down my cheeks while he checked my blood pressure. I responded "I just want to hold my baby."

It wasn't long after, that a nurse came in and told me that she had been instructed to only to keep Ruby in the nursery until dinner time. After that, she was to be with me.

When I was in the hospital with Maia, I couldn't wait to go home. With Ruby it was different.

I knew as soon as I left there would be 2 little babies who needed me (Maia was 17 months). The hospital room service, nurses, and cleaning staff was such a luxury. It felt like a honeymoon. I think I slept with Ruby on my chest the entire stay.

 It was also Aleks' goatee phase...

Thankfully Ruby took it easy on us in the beginning. She slept well and nursed well and allowed us to figure out how to keep two little girls fed, dressed, and clean.

Every year, Ruby's personality blooms just a bit more, slowly showing us the kind of human she's becoming.

Ruby will always be my #1 taste tester. Quick to sense when there's a bowl to be cleaned or a beater that needs to be licked.

Ruby has an amazing sense of style. Perhaps the best way to describe it is boho-old lady patterns-pictures of animals-sassy/urban. She cares very much about her hair and already feels angst about having curly/wavy hair.

Ruby is one of the oldest kids in her class, which means she spent one year longer at home before heading off to kindergarten. Just two years ago, we were together all the time. The transition to kindergarten was hard, but now, I see an independence and confidence in Ruby that assures me she's doing just fine.

She and I have been through some tough times. Ages 2 1/2 to 5 1/2 were particularly challenging. However, Ruby and I are quite alike. I understood, more than anyone might guess, her emotional outbursts and angry door slamming. How gratifying it would be to give in to our emotions like that. It must feel good.

Because of Ruby, my well of patience has exponentially increased. Just when I'd think there isn't one more drop from which to pull, magically, I'd find my reserves had doubled. For that, I'm grateful.

Ruby didn't get her first tooth until she was 17 months old. Now they're beginning to fall out and her face has begun to transform and any signs of the toddler she once was are fading.

There are so many things I love about my second born: her humor, natural athleticism, her strong will, empathy, and so many others.

But, the thing I admire most about my seven year old, is her willingness to keep working at things that are hard. Often Ruby will try something new and struggle. And while I'm ready to give up, she'll keep plugging away, undiscouraged, and soon enough, becomes quite proficient.

I can't take credit for instilling that quality, I believe it's just an innate Ruby characteristic. And I'm so very grateful, because I have no doubt this little firecracker is going to make a positive impact on this world.

Happy birthday, my dearest.

Mommy/daughter dates

A few years ago, our family started the tradition of having mommy/daughter dates in the weeks before school begins. My girls are so close in age, that they do everything together and sometimes I forget who they are as individuals. We all love these special days.

My girls are so funny. When we were talking as a family about what each girl wanted to do, they would both decide that they wanted to do the same things. However, once I had Ruby alone and gave her some options, our plans changed.

We went to All Start Sports which has carnival rides and mini golf. Ruby had never played before, but quickly got the hang of it and by the end of our second round, she was having a hard time waiting for me to get my ball in the hole.

Ruby has matured a lot this summer. She's still my fiery little peanut, especially when she doesn't understand something, but she's learning to communicate with words instead of tantrums and outbursts are becoming less frequent. She's at that wonderful age where she's not too self aware and as a result is unintentionally cute. The other day she said "You know what? Every year I get one year older!" 

Ruby is going to have a strong start to 1st grade. Her reading skills are quite good and she will often read in the morning before coming to get us out of bed. However, if you ask her if she likes reading, she'll say no. Ruby is a little fish in the water and learned how to dive this summer. She is often playing the piano, making up pieces to play and shows a real sensitivity to sound and color. She also says she doesn't like playing piano.

Ruby is the spice in our family; she adds flavor, dimension, and interest.

Once Maia heard that Ruby went to All Star Sports, that's where she wanted to go as well. Over lunch I suggested pedicures, Barnes & Noble, and ice cream. Maia immediately thought that was a great idea. I was excited not to stomach those rides again.

(Maia just whispered in my ear "Ruby has to learn that I can't spend every moment with her." I think they're ready for the autonomy school will bring.)

This summer Maia has been reading, reading, reading. She'll come down in the morning and lie on the couch with a book while Isabelle licks her legs. I don't know what it is about Maia, but Isabelle LOVES licking her.

Maia continues to be my even keeled kid. She's rarely moody, but just this summer has started to become a little secretive. I understand that blossoming need for privacy and hope I'm respecting it in the way she needs.

Maia is beyond excited to start school. She loves learning, which is something I will never take for granted. At this point she's interested in becoming the first scientist of the family, something of which Aleks and I are very supportive. Maia loves facts and is great at "mansplaining" things. For example, she's explained to us that people in China don't know what chocolate is and that our dog is the smallest in the world because she's a Chihuahua.

Today we were driving in the car and she had her arm sticking out the window. Maia said "I can tell this wind is from Mexico because we're driving south." We were in fact driving west and there was only a wind because the car was moving. I pointed this all out to my darling daughter and she thought for a bit and then confidently replied "Well, the wind is from the east. It's from some eastern part of  America."

Maia is the sugar in our family; she makes everything sweeter with her energy and infectious smile.

I keep reminding myself that this week I will need extra patience. As excited as we all are for routine and new beginnings, inevitably these changes come with some tension. However, all signs are pointing toward a wonderful school year.

Great Bake Off: Showstopper

I know you've all been waiting with bated breath for our final Sternfeld-Dunn Bake Off challenge and a proclaimed winner.

Life became extremely busy and we kept putting off our final challenge. Honestly, I wasn't hopeful that we would actually get it done.

However, my mother in law had a birthday last week and we figured we'd take the opportunity to celebrate her with two "chocolate cakes that show off our chocolate work" while we are visiting.

The girls were very hopeful that our cake creations would take the shape of something other than cake. Knowing my limits, I decided to attempt a vase made of layer cake, with gum paste flowers coming out the top.

I decided to make cake balls out of the scraps and use as decorations.

The candy melts were ok for coating the cake pops, but I think the ones dipped in regular melted chocolate looked prettier.

I experimented with gum paste for the first time and definitely need more practice.

The final product doesn't really look like a vase, but by the end I was so over the entire project and more stressed than the experience merited that I'm just happy it didn't fall over.

The girls kept saying "it looks like the leaning tower of Pisa!"

Aleks made an "ice cream truffle" using layers of cake, ice cream, whipped cream, and ganache. He also made chocolate leaves from a mold.

The girls were very specific that they needed to taste every component.

The inside does look pretty and you can see where I attempted a crumb layer of frosting.

The inside of Aleks' was very pretty too.

The girls took their judging very seriously and took one bite of everything before moving to a different room to confer.

After much deliberation and heated debate, they came back and declared me the winner! Danni, was very diplomatic and said they both tasted and looked good.

So to recap:

Signature Challenge- Emily
Technical Challenge- Aleks
Showstopper Challenge- Emily

Overall best person/baker/champion of everything- Emily

Maia has decided that this will be an annual challenge. Aleks thinks we should do meat next year...