15 years!

I'm sure most of the people at our wedding thought we were too young to be getting married. Some family members and friends had told us their opinions outright. Some kept it to themselves. But there were also a few in attendance who believed that we knew what we were doing.

I remember crying as I walked down the aisle (and throughout my vows), not because I was sad or anxious, but instead, overcome with the magnitude of it all. As a result, there are no pictures of me in that moment. I'm not a pretty crier.

I remember an epic toast by my maid of honor Erin who, perfectly balancing humor and love, convinced a few of those doubters that we'd be ok.

(my dad married us *inset heart eyes emoji*)

As my college roommate for 3 years, Erin and I knew each other in ways only roommates can know one another. In particular, and lucky for her, she was aware of my self-diagnosed disorder: P.F.A., otherwise known as Public Farting Anxiety. I refuse to pass gas in front of other people, to the point of causing myself discomfort.

As Erin shared my disorder at our reception with our closest friends and family, she went on to tell about a night I returned home from a date with Aleks. I came into her room and said, "I think he's the one. I farted in front of Aleks tonight."

And here we are, celebrating 15 years of marriage.

Aleks, you're still my favorite person. I hold you in highest esteem, respect you and your opinion, and am constantly overwhelmed by the way you father our children. Actually, I'm not sure we knew what we were doing 15 years ago, because I didn't love you a fraction of what I do now.

There is no better partner for me.

Thank you for being the kind of man who encourages me to let my farts out.

Eight Years Old

She now takes her own shower, followed by a blow dry and straight iron session.

When I wore a fashionably questionable pair of pants, at which both Aleks and Maia wrinkled their noses, Ruby's opinion was the one that convinced me to put them in the give away pile.

The other morning Ruby was particularly tired and asked me for a cup of coffee.

She makes a lot of her own food now: hot dogs, macaroni and cheese, slices cheese for cheese and crackers.

She sleeps with a weighted blanket and wears noise canceling headphones.

She loves Isabelle more than anything and just wants to cuddle and hug that poor dog all day long.

She's a girl with big emotions; as quick to laugh and hug as she is to be impatient and snap. When she wants, she is good at understanding the emotions of others and tending to their needs.

Ages 2 1/2 to 4 1/2 were dicey, at best. But, my oh my, what a delight and joy this girl is to our family and all those who know her.

I suspect we'll always need to encourage her to find ways to manage her anxiety and sensitivity, but watching her continue to grow and mature is an exciting privilege.

Seven was magical. I'm so excited to see what eight will bring.

4 things you should know about your child's music lessons and their teacher

I've been a music teacher for almost 20 years. It's a fulfilling career in so many ways: at the forefront is the connection created with other humans through music making. However, as with any job that involves a service of some sort, we rarely think of the human being behind the service we receive.

Here are four (and a half) things to consider that will help your music teacher feel like a valued member of society.

1. Your initial interaction tells us a lot about how lessons are going to go.
Here's a message I received the other day requesting voice lessons:

Hello! I heard through (...) that you give voice lessons.. she mentioned that you may be full until January, but I wondered if it would be possible to be put on your list of students then? Thanks (...)

You may read this and think, what's the big deal? First problem, this was sent on FB messenger, from someone I do not know, nor do I really know the person from whom she received the reference. If you google my name, my website will pop up as the first hit. I have spent considerable time designing and creating content for this site, and I even pay an annual fee! On this website there is copious information about my teaching philosophy and policy. There is also a place to send an email.

A random FB message indicates your level of interest and commitment. Think about it. Would you FB message a new doctor to get an appointment? Or realtor? Or chiropractor?

A further problem with this lesson request is the lack of context. Are the lessons for you or your child? Have you had lessons before? Why do you want to take lessons? All this information, when included at first contact tells us that you have given thought as to why you want music lessons and are interested in finding a good fit.


2a. Even though music lessons are a hobby for your student, they are your teacher's work.
Yes, we love what we do. Yes, we are lucky to be able to make music all day. However, it is still a job. I've received many comments over the years from parents who off-handedly comment on the luxury of my non-tradional work hours, or intimate that I'm soooo lucky to play piano all day, all of which are not meant to be demeaning, but undermine the craft and effort that underlie my profession.


2b. Late payments mean your teacher may not be able to pay their bills.
Chances are, your music teacher makes their living giving lessons. Even though you may view lessons as non-essential, they provide the bread and butter for your teacher.


3. You student is not entitled to music lessons.
Music lessons are intense. They are one on one. You or your student is being asked to think critically. It's hard work. It's also incredibly rewarding and fulfilling. If you approach lessons expecting to be spoon fed, constantly praised, and micro-managed, you are doing yourself and your teacher a disservice.


4. We music teachers are your biggest fans.
I get to see many of my students more often than they get to see their grandparents. I come to know their lives and hear about the challenges and joys they experience each week. I get to see growth and vulnerability. Music teachers are some of the most generous, supportive, loving people I know. We're in this business because we like connecting with other humans and communicating through music. And there is nothing more exciting to us than seeing our students thrive in all ways, big or small.


While music lessons aren't an essential service, they are undoubtedly essential to functional humanity and I'm grateful to be a contributor.