Kindergarten

The first day has come and gone.
We are all exhausted and handling it in different ways.

It's funny how the effects of change sneak up and you don't notice it until you're suddenly trying not to cry in your muscle pump class when the instructor runs in late because it was her daughter's first day of kindergarten as well.

This week we all start school. Maia will be in afternoon kindergarten five days a week. Ruby will be in afternoon preschool three days a week.

But today was really Maia's day.

My smart, sassy firstborn had her first day of kindergarten.
And she was ready.

The teachers were all "just drop your child off in the car line and someone will be there to meet them" and I'm all "my little girl is only going to have a first day of kindergarten once so I'm walking her in" while quivering inside because this 33 year old firstborn doesn't like to break the rules.

Maia embraced this day with enthusiasm. She couldn't hug me goodbye fast enough.
"Can I take of picture of you and Mrs. Hays?"
"No!" (I swear she rolled her eyes too)

What I'm realizing is, the older they get, the less time they spend with me. More and more outside influences impact their minds.

Do they know how wonderful they are? Will they choose to be loving and kind?

It's not that I'm sad my girls are growing up. I'm quite excited about that actually. I'm just scared of what I don't know. That maybe whatever happens at school will change her beyond recognition.

Then I pick her up and she's all smiles and I'm fighting back tears again because she's exactly the same (and alive) and if she can be open to new experiences, than maybe I can too.

How is she so brave?

We're almost to the car and then I hear in a tiny voice "Mommy I really need to go potty." And just like that I'm back on solid ground. This I know how to handle.

Tomorrow she takes the bus to school.
Wednesday Ruby starts.

Hold me.

Or send wine.