Life is complicated

This afternoon Aleks and I are leaving for Chicago to celebrate our anniversary. On Saturday we'll have been married for eleven years.
Because I have THE BEST mother-in-law, we are leaving the kids at home.
Which also means, I've almost killed myself getting everything ready so that I can (hopefully) re-enter life on Sunday relatively pain free.

I'm desperate to get away. I've needed a kid free vacation for awhile and I might just lay in bed at the hotel for 2 1/2 days and watch TV.

And yet, I'm so sad about leaving the girls. I know they will be fine and have a wonderful time with Nana, and yet, I'm a mess.

Ruby is really the one I worry about. She is so sensitive and the one who feels differences in schedules and atmosphere the most. This morning she was awake at 5, wanting to sleep in our bed. I think I told her no, it's all a bleary haze. When I went into her room later this morning, I saw this.

I came downstairs and said "Ruby, what do we draw on with crayons?" and right as she was answering "paper" I saw the little lightbulb go off, she knew I knew she had drawn all over her walls.

Maia never did anything like this, but I think its because she just didn't think of it. It's hard for me to be mad. I'm actually tickled that she's being creative and expressing herself this way. It's just crayon, anyway, and I'm going to paint the whole house this year. (Don't tell Aleks)

Not an hour later I saw this thumbprint in some softened butter.

Ruby denied it at first, but after being assured she would not get in trouble, confessed.

Then I had masters swim this morning and Ruby just did not want to go to the kid's zone. I'm sure she's feeling a bit of anxiety about us leaving and it breaks my heart and frustrates me because there is stuff I need to get done and at the same time I know that I ask a lot of my kids and they are so good about being flexible and going with the flow.

So now, Aleks and I are at the airport, waiting for our delayed flight and thankfully, I'm already starting to feel the stress dissipate. I'm not going to lie, I did shed a few tears in the car.

Last night a good friend told me just what I needed to hear, "they will miss you and will be so excited to see you when you come back. AND you'll be an even better mama then because you spent some quality time with your hubby... everything involves sacrifice, even the good stuff!"

So, I'm banishing my guilt and an jumping all into this gift of a weekend I've been given.

See ya'll on the other side! (Also, I'm sure my IG account will be full of anniversary pics, so check in there if you're interested.)