It's a good start

You'd think after being married to someone for 11 years, you'd be able to go on autopilot once in awhile.

Eleven feels like such an accomplishment. It says, "we're not messing around!" It demands a pat on the back and a parade.

However, my wise father put things into perspective for me when he causally mentioned, "it's a good start."

He's totally right. Eleven years out of fifty or sixty is just the beginning. And yet, it's still an accomplishment.

At times I feel like we're standing next to each other, watching as the bullets of divorce or sickness or infertility or financial stress claim and injure the people we know.

It makes me want to cling tighter, look inward, and put up the defenses against whatever might try and tear us apart. Because, we're not anything special, we don't have secret insight into what makes a long term relationship work. All I can do is be sure I'm doing my part.

These eleven years of marriage have taught me that:
1. being kind and loving trumps all
2. listening is a highly underrated skill and so very important
3. laughter is the best medicine and nourishment for my marriage
4. there is no place for judgmental thoughts or feelings
5. daily sacrifices are necessary and while it's difficult, the benefits are life-giving

It's no surprise that things change in 11 years. There are three distinct grey hairs on Aleks' chin now. I've got more wrinkles around my eyes. We have less, yet also more patience for each other. The stakes are higher: kids, a house, a dog (a dog!), more pressure in our careers, but it's these things that keep up tethered to each other and motivating us to be better people and spouses.

I'm really happy that Aleks still likes me because I really like him. Heaven knows there are reasons he could have left long ago.

He's the yin to my yang. The air in my tires. The bacon in my twice baked potatoes. He makes my life infinitely better. I'm grateful to be on this journey together.

Happy anniversary darling.