Gratitude in the midst of chaos

On Tuesday night I'm presenting a recital of contemporary American music. There has been a long and leisurely road leading to this program, which is something I don't get to experience very often now that I'm a professional. In the midst of work and family and keeping a house running, it's often difficult to carve out time to practice, especially with an accompanist. But, this time was different and it's been a nice change.

Meanwhile my family has been sick. It started over a week ago when Ruby came home with a fever. Soon Maia was sick and two days after that Aleks came home from work shivering and hot to the touch. The girls bounced back after just a few days, but Aleks has been hit hard. I won't go into details regarding their symptoms, it's not pretty.

Needless to say, I've quarantined Aleks to the basement and have been disinfecting all surfaces. I declare, out loud, every day "I will not get sick," have started a religious routine of vitamin C supplements, am drinking fluids non-stop (my poor students have to deal with me running to the restroom every half hour), and am going to bed super early to get as much rest as possible.

Today is Sunday. I am healthy.

This past week has been hard. It's never easy when your partner is incapacitated and you're used to having help. All the triggers are in place. How easy it could be to feel overwhelmed and stressed to the point of breaking.

And yet, I feel oddly calm. At peace and full of gratitude.

I'm not sick.

My program is ready. I know the music intimately. I'm not scrambling to get things into my brain.

There are people who are investing in this concert, which humbles and settles me.

One is my accompanist who is doing a wonderful job. She has a busy life and to her, this could just be one more thing, but I never feel like it's only another job she has to complete.

The second half of my program features a song cycle by Ricky Ian Gordon called Too Few the Mornings Be. It has long been a dream of mine to collaborate with dancers and so I reached out to a member of the dance faculty and she agreed to choreograph for me. This recital comes at a time when the dance department is extremely busy with a guest choreographer in preparation for their dance festival and yet, she has added incredible beauty to my recital.

And the dancers. They are such an inspiration to me. Most are students from my studio and are musical theater majors. Their lives are so full. And yet they are giving up Saturday mornings (!!!) to rehearse and are so professional and enthusiastic and generous. I'm so so grateful to be sharing the stage with people who are excited about making art and enjoy the process of creating.

It's going to be a really unique, special night. And even if I end up sick (which, hell no I'm not), it's been a fulfilling journey to this point. If you're in my neck of the woods, I'd love to see you on Tuesday! (Check out my website for details: www.emilysternfelddunn.com)

Also, I wrote this while sitting in front of some beautiful flowers my mom sent me and a cup of hot coffee. So much happiness can be found in the little things.