Home improvements

As I've mentioned before, I spent a good part of the summer painting our house. The biggest job by far was our living space. My inspiration for the new decor came when my parents bought us a rug for Christmas. I've always like clean, modern lines, and the rug helped set the tone for what I wanted to do. I painted the room the same color that I've been painting the rest of the house: it's a light gray with blue undertones. Another impetus for change was our inheritance of a colleagues' record collection. We needed new shelves to store and display them all, so we bought a few pieces from IKEA that work very nicely. 

Unfortunately I didn't take any before pictures, I rarely do. I'm always too excited to jump in and get to work. I looked through my photo library and found some old pictures that were taken in the room. We have slightly moved the furniture around from time to time, but the feel of it generally stayed the same.

(Oh man. Look how cute and little they were!)

And here is our new living space!

While it looks like the small couch cuts off the space, it actually creates a cozy, warm feeling to the area.

I'm still looking to add decorations and pieces to the mantel and bookshelf. For now, I'm enjoying the cleanness of it all.

And you can see a bit of our new kitchen in the back. I'll be painting the walls and cabinets soon and once that is finished I'll post pictures. (I did take "before" photos of that one.)

Aleks' big home improvement contribution was the construction of a new playset for our backyard. The old one was already here when we moved in and was starting to get old, wobbly, and unsafe. At one of our first trips to the new Costco in town, we saw this playset on display and thought it was pretty cool. And then Nana offered to give it to Ruby for her birthday! The girls play on it all the time, as well as the neighbor kids. It took about a week to build, with Aleks working for 2-3 hours at a time. I must say, his swagger significantly increased when it was completed.

Here's the old set.


And the beautiful new one. The whole thing smelled wonderful the first week it was in our garage; all that cedar!

Now that Aleks has tenure, I've decided to make this house feel like a home. I think we're on our way!

Life after the first day of 1st grade

It turns out that life does go on after seeing your first born get on a bus headed for 1st grade. You go to the gym, dropping off and picking up one child instead of two. You make lunch and drive to work in peace and quiet. You attend some meetings, come home and then, finally, your six year old comes running off the bus, smiling, with an empty lunch box (whew, she ate!) and a full bladder.

It turns out that they do NOT play tug of war with your arms in first grade (Maia's only concern about school) and there is chocolate milk in the cafeteria alongside the regular milk. There are new friends and old friends and work that "wasn't too difficult."

It turns out that the younger sister didn't miss the older one as much as I thought she would. She was in the best of moods, happy that she could get Isabelle out of her crate every time and didn't have to take turns. She came to work with me, excited to meet a new baby sitter who knew about Rainbow Loom. Our car rides were void of chatter. So much so, that it made me think that I should make an effort to converse with my kid.

Hey Ruby, what are you thinking about?

What?

What are you thinking about?

What?!

(Maybe she can't hear me. I speak very slowly and clearly) What (pause) are you (pause) thinking about?

Thinking about what?!

What are you thinking about in your head?

Nothing!

...

Silence is nice too.

I'm not really one of those people who dwells on the past or gets too sentimental about memories. Living with babies was not my favorite. And taking care of babies is demanding and terrible. I didn't hate it, but as they get older everything becomes more fun and interesting. I find myself confused when I get a tight throat with tears threatening to spill out of my eyes over experiencing my first child be at school all day.

However, I suppose those early years of wiping butts, exhaustion, and non-stop care act as the strongest bonding agent imaginable to man. I mean, I kept something alive for 6 years, and she's actually flourishing! And now I have to entrust a good part of her development to someone I don't yet know.

That's a lot to ask of a parent. I can either let worry overtake and debilitate me, or I can take a deep breath, allow a few tears to roll down my cheeks and choose to trust that it will all work out. I've spent the last two weeks reminding myself that most children go to first grade all day and generally everyone survives.

Kids aren't ripped apart by tug of war. One carton of chocolate milk every school day won't be the end of the nutritional world. (But seriously, what the what?! Don't we have an obesity problem in America? Why don't they just offer milk or water?) And I'll learn to let go bit by bit. At the heart of the matter, it's not really about my child is it? It's about me and my desire for control over this messy thing we call life.

So the best I can do, from now until forever, is to send my child off with a hug and a reminder to be loving and kind. And let myself have a cry when I need it, trusting that they'll come running home, whole and happy.

Balance

For the better part of this summer, I've felt off balance. There's been the unending struggle of needing to rest and be rejuvenated, while dealing with periods of intense work. I think, I just might have bit off more than I could chew.

For one thing, there's this never-ending paint project. I've managed to paint 3 bedrooms and a major living space this summer, which is quite a lot, but there's still so much to finish. And what is it about freshly painted walls? It's like they suddenly become magnets to my children's limbs. I had no idea how often they put their feet on the walls. Their feet! And is it really necessary to drag both hands along the wall while they walk down the hall? I've taken to staring intently at certain spots in each room. Is that a shadow or a new smudge?

Obviously, out of balance.

I love what I do, professionally. One of the challenges is the constant opportunity-making that is inevitable to moving forward. This summer has been a season of planning and waiting. I'm very good at planning, but waiting has always been difficult for me. I've had to remind myself to take care of the things that I can control and to let go of the rest. It's a challenge for me to keep uncertainty from twisting itself into a tight coil in the center of my gut causing my heart to beat hard and fast in my chest.

Can you imagine what a mess I'd be if I didn't have a family to distract me from myself?

Thankfully I have two small, adorable monsters clambering for my attention the moment they wake up. This summer has marked a change in the household in that we are now a family with school age children. I think one of the biggest changes when your children have been going to school and are now home for the summer is that they want to eat all the time. We played the "mom can I have a snack?" game for about a week until I laid down the law: breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner. I adore my children and love being around them and I also like my house to be neat and I like to drink a cup of coffee before having to speak to anyone in the morning.

It's all about balance. Ha!

Perhaps the thing that has most greatly affected my inner peace is the total chaos that has been our house. Part of it is a result from my insane drive to get all the painting done this summer. And redoing the upholstery on the bottom of all our couches since a certain little puppy chewed them up last summer hasn't helped either. Part of the chaos came when our upstairs AC was broken for the month of July and was basically off limits. In exciting, and related news, Aleks and I have decided to put granite countertops and a new backsplash in our kitchen. So, the chaos will continue for a few weeks more, but I've got my eye on the prize. The end is near.

Right around the corner is the start of school. I've always felt giddy anticipation about the first day of school. The year stretches ahead of us with sweaters and pumpkins edging closer every day. With school comes routine and structure, something my household thrives upon. Sure we're going to be busy again, but we've been busy all summer too. It'll just be a different busy. A busy I'm ready to welcome with open arms.

The start of school marks a new beginning, a fresh start. Maybe that's the real reason I'm always excited about school starting. It's a time to renew the oaths and truths I've let fall by the wayside while being distracted by the busyness of life.

However frustrating these periods of imbalance feel, I'm grateful for them. It is in these times that I grow patience, humor, endurance, and am enabled to experience the peace that will inevitably follow.

And maybe an uninterrupted cup of coffee?