Being a single parent is hard

I really want a beer, but I have had almost no water today.

So, I'm making myself drink 24 oz. of water first, while I write this blog and dinner cooks in the oven.

Also, I feel like there might be some swearing tonight.

Just so you know.

Aleks left early Tuesday morning for New York.

He's got a really exciting week, which culminates on Saturday when 2 of his pieces will be premiered at Carnegie Hall. I told him to take lots of pictures so that I could write all about it when he gets back.

But really, what you should realize from that paragraph above, is that I'm a single parent again.

I now realize that any strength I've had as a parent is because I've had an incredible partner to help me.

Oh look! Only 6 oz left!

I'm a hardcore water chugger.

It's something that my cousin Eliza and I share. Our water chugging abilities.

Ok, good things first.

The girls woke up in a really good mood.

I was rested and had an idea that maybe sticker charts would serve as good incentives for my girls.

A sleep chart for Ruby and a food chart for Maia.

If Ruby stays in bed after I put her down, then she gets a sticker when she wakes up. If Maia tries a new food, or eats something she doesn't want to eat, then she get a sticker. Once the charts are full, they each get a new toy.

It worked like a charm for nap time. Ruby went down without throwing a fit and when she woke up she said "sticker on my chart!"

Maia ate 3 pieces of cheese and got 3 stickers for her chart.

Other good things.

I got a shitload of work done during nap time.

(ooo, I've never sworn on this blog before. It has that good naughty feeling. Sorry mom and dad and grandpa and anyone else who might be offended. I'm still your sweet daughter/granddaughter/member of society.)

The girls were wonderful at Sam's club and the grocery store.

Maia's student-teacher conference yesterday was amazing.

Maia is doing really well. 

I literally started crying when Mrs. Patrick was talking about how Maia really loves all her friends and includes everyone and how she is really in tune with how each student is doing or feeling.

Can it get any better? Isn't that what we all want for our children? To be empathetic and aware of others?

I won't take credit for that, I'm just grateful that it's part of who she is.

Bless Mrs. Patrick for putting up with weepy parents.

Not so good things.

I've been blowing out dark green snot for 5 days now.

Do you think I should go to the doctor?

This is my second night in a row of fierce fighting with Ruby during bedtime.

Girlfriend can scream. And likes to scream. And is soooo defiant.

It's like she's decided that bedtime is the thing she is going to use to show me that her 2 year old self is the boss.

She doesn't respond to reasoning, bribes, threats, consequences, or being held. I haven't tried hitting. She probably wouldn't respond to that either. 

But I think I've tried everything else.

The only thing that made her eyes soften a bit was when I looked at her with really angry eyes and said "Enough" 

Like really angry eyes.

All squinty with small pursed lips and everything.

It makes me feel so horrible inside. I don't really know what to do anymore.

However, tonight I'd put her in her bed and she'd scream and run to the door and throw it open and I'd pick her up right away and put her back in her bed and turn around and leave and we did this about 6 times in a row. After the 3rd time, I stopped shutting the door all the way and just left it cracked open. The 6th time she got out of bed, she was still screaming, but she pushed the door shut all the way and went back to her bed, instead of opening it and screaming at me.

It's a small thing, but maybe just maybe a step in the right direction.

And then Maia sees this all play out and has been giving me lots of trouble going to bed as well.

Last night she was up and out of bed 8 times.

Gah.

I know by sharing all of this I'm opening myself up to judgement of parenting and that's a little scary. 

But, you should know, that I love my children and everything I do is fueled by that love.

(If you're pregnant with your first child and reading this, don't worry. I'm sure that my kids are exceptionally difficult and your child will be sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. Having kids is awesome.)

We all need discipline, right? If our parents hadn't disciplined us the world would be full of selfish, impulsive, emotionally uncontrolled people. 

Oh wait...

Seriously though, there is that point that a child has to learn that they can't always have their way. That the world doesn't revolve around them. It's like breaking in a colt. (I know nothing about horses, but that sounds good.)

And honestly, it makes me really sad to have to be a part of the breaking. That 2 year old determination and stubbornness is an awesome thing.

A small part of me is envious of those 2 year old's visceral convictions.

Sheesh, this is long.

See what happens when I'm home alone with kids all day.

Thanks for listening.