Another school year in the books

It's the last day of the school year!

I'm sure teachers are looking at summer vacation with visions of bathroom breaks whenever they need them, reading for pleasure, and later bedtimes.

I'm sure my kids are looking at summer vacation with visions of afternoons at the pool, frozen yogurt for dinner, and endless play time.

I'm looking at the summer months a bit more realistically. I'm sure the girls will be asking for snacks every 30 minutes and I know there will be significant amounts of bickering in the beginning. However, I'm also looking forward to hanging out with my girls, saying yes as much as possible, and reconnecting as a family.

(Side note, both my kids bought recorders at the music store yesterday, so there's that...)

This year has been so good for Ruby. I've seen her grow in confidence and bravery. I'm most proud of the way she faced some anxiety filled events and proved to herself that she is capable of doing really hard things.

(She's upset at me this morning because her teacher said not to bring anything in their backpacks today, but I put her lunch in there. We're not sure about the hot lunch situation on this last day, so I decided we should play it safe and send one. This is a perfect example of her tendency toward anxiety.)

Maia also had a great year. She's grown emotionally and is starting to form real friendships with some kids at school. She was a classroom representative on Student Council and we saw her demonstrate a real passion for this job.

At the end of this school year, more than ever, I see the age difference between my girls. Maia is starting to think about puberty and is dealing with more social conflicts than in the past. Ruby is still a "little" girl and always wants Maia to play catch or Life or dolls. More often than not, Maia would rather spend time alone.

They are so close in age, they've always been built-in playmates. The dynamic has shifted a bit and we'll all be figuring out how to navigate this new place.

I'm picking up the girls today from school so that we can give their teachers a small token of our gratitude. I'm feeling the loss that comes at the end of a chapter. I'm so enormously grateful to the women who shepherded their classrooms this year. They held my girls in kindness and love, while keeping them to high standards.

These women saw my kids more than I did some weeks and there are not adequate words to describe my gratitude for their commitment to helping raise smart, responsible, kind kids.

Cheers to the start of summer!

Change is coming!

It's my first day off in weeks. I just put a tray of sugar cookie bars into the oven. A treat for the girls, and the time to make them, a treat for me. The whole family has been limping toward the end of the semester, trying to stay just enough ahead so as to not let anything fall between the cracks.

It's a busy time of year for everyone and I know we're not the only ones feeling the spring burn.

About a month ago, I wrote a rather ambiguous post about transitions and finding contentment in uncertainty. What I couldn't say at the time, was that Aleks was a finalist for a position as the director for the school of music at Belmont University in Nashville, TN.

At the same time, we also found out that he was a finalist for the position as the director for the school of music at Wichita State University.

Against our better judgement, we feverishly browsed  Zillow, looking for houses in the Nashville area. I researched schools and neighborhoods, and CrossFit gyms. I mentally made lists of things to pack up first and how to get the house ready to sell.

We gave the girls a heads up and started conversations about what it might feel like to go to a new school.

I felt weepy some days, thinking about leaving the things that have been good for us. Ruby's piano teacher, the girls' elementary school, dear friendships, the simplicity of a smaller town, the general familiarity.

And I felt giddy other days thinking about the things I could leave behind.

Just as the busyness of my SHE promotion was amping up, we found out that Belmont had gone with a different candidate and that same week, Aleks was offered the position at WSU.

The girls shrieked with happiness when we told them the news.

Aleks is very excited about this new job. Since he's worked there for awhile, he understands the culture of the school and its challenges and strengths. He is a skilled leader with an enthusiastic vision for its potential. He is eager to use his position of power to give a voice to minorities and women. It's not going to be easy, but he's going to do a wonderful job and he's ready to dig in.

And as for me. Many of you know that I struggle living here in a place that is so very different from where I grew up.

During my trip to Pullman for SHE promotion, I had the opportunity to see some friends. One wise friend, in talking about her own experience, said "I can be happy anywhere." Really? I asked. Sure, she said with a smile and shrug of her shoulders.

Maybe it was the quiet confidence, or the shrug, but I clearly saw her happiness as a choice, something firmly in her control.

That conversation, coupled with my recent premature mourning of good Wichita things led to this conclusion; I don't need to wait until we move to make my life what I want it to be. Those things I was sad about leaving? I'm going lean into those. And the things I was so eager to leave behind? I can do something about them now.

And so.

Next year is going to look different for all of us. I'm going to teach less. I will be reducing my studio from 35 to 10 (hopefully 8). I will no longer be working on the weekends.

I'll be leaning into a more traditional stay at home role as Aleks won't have the same flexibility to help with the girls in this new position. I'm happy and eager to do this, it's something I'm pretty good at, actually.

I'm going to spend this year recharging my creative battery. I'm so burned out. It's going to feel really weird and it's going to be hard, but I hope that I'm a little bored so that new ideas and inspiration will have room to bud and grow.

It's such a process isn't it? I don't have it all figured out just yet, but I'm committed to keep working at it.

Ah! The bus is here! I'm ready to give my girlies their treat.