"Can I have 13?"
I swear when this kid sees the boundary, she is biologically wired to see if it will move. I said no, which was the momentum she needed to deliver a full blown tantrum. Having taught 14 lessons that day and in no mood to negotiate, I started clearing the dishes and went into the kitchen.
Aleks joined me shortly and over Ruby's cries, told me that she had looked him straight in the eye and stuffed all the marshmallows in her mouth while she continued to scream. We were laughing over the absurdity, when Ruby's cries changed from anger to panic. She ran into the kitchen with a mouth full of bloody marshmallows and a front tooth all askew.
"Spit those into my hand" I encouraged, as she hiccoughed back sobs. As I moved to wash my hands, Aleks grabbed a paper towel and pulled out her tooth causing the screaming to resume. Since the tooth was lost a bit prematurely, blood was slowly trickling out of her mouth. I handed Ruby another paper towel and she held it to her gums.
I pulled Ruby into a hug and felt her little body shake. Between the tantrum and trauma of the lost tooth, there had been a lot of chemicals firing through that little body. It took her a good 15 minutes to calm down. By the time we headed up to bed, she was exploring the new space in her mouth and speaking with an adorable little lisp.
Did I mention we keep the marshmallows in the freezer?
This kid challenges me like nothing else ever has. She is also such a light in my life. Her interpersonal meter is off the charts. She is immediately good at almost everything she tries. She has the best legs, muscular and long. She gives warm, firm hugs, is quick to make us laugh, and is extremely bright. She is also a lot like me.
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Things Maia has said to me this past week:
1. On Tuesday I was teaching at home and Maia had come in from playing outside. She walked from the kitchen and through the music room with her nose in a book. As she passed between the piano and my student, heading for the stairs, she said "Good day sir."
2. As I was folding laundry, Maia walked into the bedroom said, "Whacha doin'? I'm just groovin'" and walked out.
3. After her final basketball game yesterday Maia said, "There are 2 things we need to work on. 1) stealing the ball 2) passing the ball 3) getting rebounds."
4. The 2nd graders dissected a cow's eyeball last week. Maia was very stressed about the whole thing, but she did learn a lot about the eye. Her class has been talking about science and one night at dinner Maia said "What if Ruby and I are the first scientists in the family?" I immediately said "that would be amazing! What can I do to help you?" As much as I love my musical family, I think it would be wonderful to have a scientist in the mix.
I don't see Maia as much now that she's in school all day and then has her nose buried in a book when she gets home. She doesn't seem to need me as much as her sister. However, she is such a wonderfully weird and amazing child. It's hard to remember the colicky hell she put us through during the first 9 months of her life.
Maia is agreeable and kind. She is logical and matter-of-fact. She loves to read and is just beginning to say she's a tomboy. In fact the other day the girls were talking about makeup and Maia said, "I'm not a makeup girl. I'm more into sweating and basketball." Ruby immediately took offense and said "I wish I had a different sister. Maia doesn't like beautifulness!" The girls are still best friends and are continuing to learn how to respect and listen to each other.
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It's hard to write an update about Aleks. Our lives have been busy and full I feel like we haven't connected in awhile. We should plan a date night.
Honestly, recording our podcast has been a really great thing for our relationship. It's forced us to sit and focus just on the conversation at hand . I've really enjoyed the process and getting to know each other in a different way after 13 years of marriage.
We've got two more "What Makes?" episodes airing this season. Tomorrow's episode is "What Makes a Good Apology?" and I talk with a special guest. It's a great episode and I hope you can tune in. Our last episode is "What Makes Great Sex?" We've yet to record this last one; it's felt a little intimidating. I'm sure it will be funny. Or not. It may just be awkward. Why is sex so complicated?
You can check out our first season at www.whatmakespodcast.com.
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In the past 5 months, I can recall two separate times when I was so scared/nervous to try something new, I almost cried.
The first was getting into a handstand at a CrossFit workout. I wasn't sure if my arms were strong enough to hold up my body and was worried that I would fall onto my head and mess up my neck. I was kind of hemming and hawing and I looked my coach in the eye and "I have three gigs coming up in the next few weeks. Are you sure I can do this?" She said "yes, you can" and with that I was upside down against a wall.
The second happened this weekend when I went to my first dance call. It wasn't pretty. Well, all the other young, flexible dancers who could do the combination in the correct order were beautiful, but what I did in my group of four was not exactly that. Some of my students kept saying, "but you had fun, right?" and actually no, it was not fun. It was terrifying.
Both those things felt risky. There was a certain element of physical danger in the first and a potential damage to my pride and reputation in the second.
What I've learned from doing new, scary things is that it is an important and necessary step in self improvement. By putting myself in situations where I am massively uncomfortable, I have made dramatic investments in my ability to empathize.
I wish the moral of my stories were: do something scary and succeed immediately!
However, I'm still scaling my handstand with head cushions. My arms still wobble and I support more of my body weight on my head than I probably should. I don't think I'll see any immediate casting results from the audition I took this weekend.
What I have gained however, is the knowledge that I can do scary things. As I get older I realized several things:
1. The doing of whatever it is you are attempting is 80% of the journey.
2. Allowing myself to take risks gets harder each year.
3. Surrounding myself with a loving, gracious tribe has become incredibly important. My CrossFit family is always encouraging and excited for each other and any small steps forward. I was overwhelmed this weekend by the support of my friends and students who, after watching my Instagram story, sent me texts and messages of support.
I'll leave you with one last thought:
I truly believe that vulnerability creates bridges between people. In my experience, coming from a place of vulnerability and authenticity has always been met with kindness and grace.
So, go out there and try new, scary things and know that we're all rooting for you to succeed!
