Happiest of Holidays

This year the house has remained a bit dirtier than usual. The carpets often have bits of fuzz or lint dotting the 20 year old fibers. When looking at our dresser at just the right angle, you can see a thorough, delicate coating of dust. The windows need washing and the basement is a constant American Girl disaster zone.

The cleanliness of our house is perhaps a testament to the busyness of our lives, but more accurately, I believe it is a reflection of our shift in priorities. This year, more than any other, we have made a conscious effort to take care of ourselves and of each other.

We've had a great year, with lots of career accomplishments and the girls' continual growth in every part of their lives. And yet, I am most proud that our little unit keeps working to communicate and encourage each other. There are days when we aren't successful and it's a constant process: learning how to best love each other. But hopefully how we treat each other as a family will translate to our relationships outside the home and maybe those interactions will be the spark that encourages others to extend grace to those around them.

We head into the new year, with the same resolution: showing kindness to all in what we say and do. May 2018 bring you peace and love. And, if you don't mind a little extra dust, there's always a bed and a hot cup of coffee for you here in Wichita.

Giving Thanks for our Patriarch

Our Thanksgiving celebration is over. The only dishes left to wash are the crystal glasses, which I'll tackle tomorrow. The girls are settled in bed, worn out from the excitement of playing with cousins all day. Our bellies are full and several new memories have been added to the cannon of family gatherings. Tomorrow we'll put up the Christmas tree with help from our family that is visiting. 

However, before this next busy season begins, I wanted to be sure to take a moment and write about my Thankfulness for family.

I'm thankful for the family that I didn't get to choose and by marriage, the one that I did. On both sides, I am deeply blessed. I am surrounded by kin that are loving, supportive, kind, and loyal.

On Sunday, November 19, my grandfather Gordon Pappas passed away. He was 95, a WWII POW, a musician, an educator, father, and husband.

In the midst of the semester and holiday, there hasn't been much time to process this loss.

Grandpa's death is hardly a surprise to our family. He was old and hardly more than a skeleton. He would often become dizzy when standing up and in the last month, a series of falls led him to realize that he could no longer take care of himself.

Grandpa desperately missed his wife Ruby, who passed away 8 years ago this Christmas. I like thinking that they are together once again.

He was a strong personality. As his granddaughter I was spared much of the angst felt by his own children. Since I already had father who loved me, I didn't need anything from him and unreservedly admired his forthrightness and integrity. I could always trust that Grandpa said what he felt.

I'm sure at a later date I will have more words about this man who made such a large mark on my life.

But for now, I want to say how thankful I am for his life. For the values he instilled in our family. He gave us his passion for music, faith, and most importantly an understanding that a love of learning is a life skill. I'm even thankful for his more challenging qualities. Because of his insensitivity towards his children, my mom and aunts and uncles are incessantly kind, empathetic, and tender hearted.

We got to see Grandpa this summer and I think I knew that this might be the last time. He was so tired.

Thank you Grandpa for all the sacrifices you made for your family. Your legacy continues on.

5 things I've learned from Crossfit

November 1 marked a year of my membership at Crossfit Calamity. I initially joined because I wanted something new
out of my exercise routine and my friend Todd encouraged me to come try it out. It has been one of the best decisions of my life, physically and emotionally.

My Crossfit box is made up of the kind of people who celebrate each victory, no matter how small. They're not the kind of people who look down on what you can't do, but at what you can. They get excited for your new PR, even though it's 100 pounds lighter than theirs.

This kind of cheerleading is not typical in my professional life and it's been so good for me to have this balance.

Physically I'm in the best shape of my life. Recently I got tired of people thinking I wasn't fit because of the extra weight I was carrying and so started a low carb way of eating. I'm happy to say, I can now see my new muscles.

Because the first rule of Crossfit is, "talk about Crossfit," I'm going to share some things I've learned over the past year.


1. Train with people who are more fit and better athletes than yourself.

The group of people with whom I workout are all really good runners. I am not a good runner. I mean, my form is fine, but I'm slow and every step is painful. My heart sinks a little each time I see a WOD that includes running and I have to consciously leave my ego in the car, because I will be the last one to finish the workout. Recently there has been a lot of running and I constantly feel like I'm lagging behind. Then one day I had to go to a class at a different time, where the running skill level was different. At the end of the WOD (in which running was included) I realized 2 things: 1. I wasn't as slow as I had perceived myself to be and 2. training with people better than myself sucked, but had raised my skill level.

When I'm surrounded by people who are better than I am, it can feel discouraging. While I feel like I'm always struggling to catch up, it's easy to lose sight of the progress I've made. I think this is important for all aspects of life. Hang out with parents who have children older than your own. Glean advice from people who have been doing your job ten years longer than you. Perform with artists who have better technique and more experience. You will constantly be pushed to improve.

2. Progress takes time.

This is particularly relevant to singing. Progress takes consistency and time. After a year, I still can't do a pull up, but I'm close. A year ago I could barely hang from the bar for 10 seconds. A year ago I never dreamed I could hold myself in a handstand, much less do a modified handstand pushup. Trusting in the process, developing a solid technique, and patience leads to success in the gym and in life.

3. Strong comes in all shapes and sizes.

It's amazing to me that the size of muscle or person does not determine how much weight they can lift. Nor does it demonstrate the size and capacity of their "engine." At this time in my life, being strong is incredibly important: physically, mentally, and emotionally. Crossfit (and therapy) have helped me know how strong I am and how much stronger I have yet to become.

4. Be the kind of person who tries to get in another rep when there are 2 sec. left on the clock.

At the end of the day, we only need to answer to ourselves and God (if that's your jam). What your colleagues, coach, and friends think of you doesn't really matter. Are you the kind of person that pushes until the very end? Or when time is almost out do you stop before the clock gets to zero? It's exhausting to be the kind of person who continually tries to better themselves. I love that in the gym, the biggest competition is myself and the intensity of workout is dependent on me.

5. Crossfit people don't care if you're a girl.

There are so many well meaning men in my life who treat me differently because I'm a girl. It is frustrating. Mansplaining is a real thing. But not at my gym. There's respect for everyone and those who are strong and fit come are both men and women.

I suppose this would be the place in this post to share a picture showing off my muscles, but I don't have any (pictures that is). But consider this an open invitation to come to the gym with me and "Get fit, don't quit" (as Maia's gym teacher says).

New Hardwood Floor Complete!

Due to our negligent puppy parenting and 20 year old carpet, I finally reached a point in which I could no longer handle the flooring in our music and dining room. So, at the end of the summer, Aleks and I decided to take it all out and replace with hardwood.

Of course I forgot to take any before pictures, I was so excited to get started on the project, but here's one from when I painted the dining room, in which you can kind of see the carpet.

We bought the product through Lowe's and then hired them for the install as well. Due to 2 batches of bad wood, the floors were finally finished 8 weeks later.

Which means we had our grand piano in our front entry way for 2 months. And our dining room table in our basement. And our china hutch in pieces in our kitchen. And the upright piano in our living room (which actually found a permanent home there because our kids played the piano waaaaay more often, practicing and just having fun). I ate breakfast and dinner standing at our kitchen island for 2 months because we only have 3 stools.

But, it's finally finished and was worth all the hassle. It's easier to clean for one thing, but just looks so much prettier.

We had some friends help us move the grand piano into the hallway at the start of all this and then placed it on a moving blanket. I was all set to call them up again for help moving it back, but Aleks and I found we could move the whole thing with one person pulling the moving blanket while the other pushed the piano. That moving blanket trick is amazing! 

Old flooring is at the bottom of this picture and the new flooring is at the top. It's not a perfect match, but it's pretty darn close!

New curtains make everything feel cozy.

I love how the grand piano is now a feature of this room. Next big project, rebuild this 78 year old instrument. It's in remarkable shape for it's age, but needs a little tender loving care.

The carpet in the rest of the house is equally old and disgusting, but we'll have to wait to replace it all. Even if we had the funds now, I need a break from all the displaced furniture!

14 years

14 years looks like a kiss and a "happy anniversary"as he heads to an all day conference and I get on a plane to Phoenix.

It means studying each other's schedules and choreographing the kid swapping and the bag packing that has to happen before each activity.

It looks like random texts throughout the day telling stories of our kids we forgot to share, or reminding one another the garbage needs to go out, or asking if the credit card bill got paid. And the occasional eggplant emoji text.

For us, it looks like fewer dates night, but increased quality of the time we are alone.

Year 14 has been a good one. Some years are easier than others. Year 13 was hard.

How grateful I am to be partnered with someone who doesn't back away from unhappiness, but instead leans into it and figures out how to make it better.

Aleks has changed a lot this year. I have too. We are simultaneously more independent of each other, yet more strongly bonded.

In this 14th year we've learned to listen to each other better and more deeply. The space surrounding our relationship feels more vibrant and energized.

We've worked really hard to build the life we have together. Undoubtedly it is the single thing of which I am most proud.

Each year life seems to become more complex with kids' ballooning schedules, career advances, and  increased household responsibilities. Yet, the one thing that is crystal clear is my partner; I see him and know him.

Happy anniversary, darling. I'm looking forward to the year ahead and all the adventures it will bring.

(Look at those babies!)

Ruby Ann is SEVEN

Soon after being born, Ruby was held in the nursery and put on supplemental oxygen. Aleks would bounce between my room and the nursery, taking pictures and videos of Ruby to assure me she was doing ok. Other than a failed attempt at feeding while I was in recovery, it wasn't until 8 hours after the birth that I got to hold my girl Ruby.

I remember my doctor checking on me at one point in the afternoon and asking "Are you crying?" as I tried to mask the tears falling down my cheeks while he checked my blood pressure. I responded "I just want to hold my baby."

It wasn't long after, that a nurse came in and told me that she had been instructed to only to keep Ruby in the nursery until dinner time. After that, she was to be with me.

When I was in the hospital with Maia, I couldn't wait to go home. With Ruby it was different.

I knew as soon as I left there would be 2 little babies who needed me (Maia was 17 months). The hospital room service, nurses, and cleaning staff was such a luxury. It felt like a honeymoon. I think I slept with Ruby on my chest the entire stay.

 It was also Aleks' goatee phase...

Thankfully Ruby took it easy on us in the beginning. She slept well and nursed well and allowed us to figure out how to keep two little girls fed, dressed, and clean.

Every year, Ruby's personality blooms just a bit more, slowly showing us the kind of human she's becoming.

Ruby will always be my #1 taste tester. Quick to sense when there's a bowl to be cleaned or a beater that needs to be licked.

Ruby has an amazing sense of style. Perhaps the best way to describe it is boho-old lady patterns-pictures of animals-sassy/urban. She cares very much about her hair and already feels angst about having curly/wavy hair.

Ruby is one of the oldest kids in her class, which means she spent one year longer at home before heading off to kindergarten. Just two years ago, we were together all the time. The transition to kindergarten was hard, but now, I see an independence and confidence in Ruby that assures me she's doing just fine.

She and I have been through some tough times. Ages 2 1/2 to 5 1/2 were particularly challenging. However, Ruby and I are quite alike. I understood, more than anyone might guess, her emotional outbursts and angry door slamming. How gratifying it would be to give in to our emotions like that. It must feel good.

Because of Ruby, my well of patience has exponentially increased. Just when I'd think there isn't one more drop from which to pull, magically, I'd find my reserves had doubled. For that, I'm grateful.

Ruby didn't get her first tooth until she was 17 months old. Now they're beginning to fall out and her face has begun to transform and any signs of the toddler she once was are fading.

There are so many things I love about my second born: her humor, natural athleticism, her strong will, empathy, and so many others.

But, the thing I admire most about my seven year old, is her willingness to keep working at things that are hard. Often Ruby will try something new and struggle. And while I'm ready to give up, she'll keep plugging away, undiscouraged, and soon enough, becomes quite proficient.

I can't take credit for instilling that quality, I believe it's just an innate Ruby characteristic. And I'm so very grateful, because I have no doubt this little firecracker is going to make a positive impact on this world.

Happy birthday, my dearest.

5 Self Care Tips for Voice Teachers

I'm nearing 20 years (!) of private teaching experience, and while I'm still don't have it all figured out, there are several things I try to habitually follow to avoid burning out.

5. Set a time each night, after which you no longer respond to student texts/emails.
With all the glorious advances in technology, it is now easier than ever for students to have 24 hour access to their teachers. Sometimes it can be really wonderful. For instance, if you need a quick response about repertoire or lesson times, it's so handy to be able to text or FB message. However, those texts that come at 9:38 PM the night before a lesson, wondering where they can get the sheet music to the repertoire you assigned LAST WEEK (for which you also gave them the website/resources to find the music), those emails? Those can be pretty frustrating. I've learned that if I set a boundary, I do not allow myself to get sucked into a student's emergency brought on by procrastination and bad planning. Most teachers I know are very giving and generous with their time, so this may seem counterintuitive. However, for my sanity, it is helpful to have a designated time when I don't feel like I have to work.

4. Stay hydrated and nourished while teaching.
Due to my husband's work schedule and our family life, I often teach several looooooong days instead of a couple hours every day of the week. This means that I typically see 6-8 students in a row, before having a break. I've found staying on top of my hydration is paramount to keeping my energy up and my vocal health in tact. Similarly, having a handful of almonds or protein bar to eat between musical phrases often helps me maintain positivity when the 8th student in a row has forgotten their music.

3. Find supportive colleagues with whom you can share ideas/frustrations/concerns.
Too often voice teachers can be competitive with one another. I am so over that culture. There are enough voice students for everyone, we all have different approaches and personalities, and I'm confident enough in my teaching that I don't need to be threatened by a teacher who is also doing wonderful work. We teachers experience many of the same challenges and by sharing those frustrations, the possibilities for solutions exponentially increase. I'm so grateful to have several colleagues in my life with whom I can share my concerns and joys.

2. Continue to pursue outlets for your own artisty.
Students are so well served by a teacher who is pursuing their own creative endeavors. Not only is it a great example for them to see us practicing what we preach, but also it allows us to be "selfish" and feed our creative souls. So many of us enjoying performing or producing or directing and have to put those things to the side as the more financial stability of teaching becomes necessary. And once you've have something to show for your work, be sure your students get to see the fruits of your labor! I'm always surprised at the instant increase in esteem after a student has been to one of my performances.

1. Only work as hard as your student.
At the beginning of the summer I began to regularly see a therapist. I was burned out and had lost my way. Upon sharing my teaching frustrations, she stopped me and said, "Let me tell you what us therapists say to each other. It's the thing that keeps us from burning out and allows us to be effective in our patient's lives: only work as hard as your patient." This 7 word motto has changed my life. She went on to say that if we continually enable our student's/patient's behavior of not taking responsibility for changing, we are effectively robbing them of growth. In essence, the very thing we are trying to do is negated by our ernest behavior. I'm learning that I can be an empathetic, loving teacher while staying within the responsibilities of my role as teacher.

Teaching voice is hard and exhausting, but can be so very rewarding. Making sure to take care of yourself will help keep you energized, excited, and eager to be in the studio.