Airport thoughts

I'm sitting in the airport during a three hour layover on my way to Washington state. I'm already missing my family, but also starting to feel myself unwind in the way that being removed from your everyday routine can encourage.

Since winter break ended, life has presented Aleks and I with some unexpected challenges. Nothing that is alarming or life shattering, but rather the kind of challenges that sit silently in the corner, biding their time to potentially impact our lives. Or not. Or change things completely. The irony of Lent and this season of life coinciding is not lost on me.

Fourteen and a half years of marriage is a huge advantage, however. Are we still as spontaneous and romantic as we once were? No. But being helpmates to each other in times of stress? Yeah, we know how to travel this road together.

On top of the weird emotional state hovering over our household for the last three months, I have a cd that is being released in April (if you haven't heard). Having never done this before, I didn't realize that this project would not end with last take of the recording session. It has been a wonderful, exciting process and full of decisions and revisions. Most recently, the production company with whom I'm working, has encouraged me to be proactive in the weeks leading up to the release by being more present and vocal on social media. Also, part of the push before the release involves me giving a series of concerts, which have been in the works for months. Former professors, colleagues, and current friends are hosting me at various venues, generously supporting me and album in this way.

I just bring this up, because I'm sure on social media, things may look pretty exciting. And they are. But here's a more realistic picture.

I gave a concert last Friday at a venue about an hour outside of Wichita. When people ask me how it went, I truthfully tell them it went well. I sang to the best of my ability and my pianist/friend and I made some really beautiful, interesting music. What I don't tell most of them is that there were 12 people in the audience, 3 of whom were my family. It was really discouraging.  And even though it wasn't my fault, caused me to feel like a failure.

The next day I was decidedly "blue," but thankfully it was one of those rare Wichita days in which the temperature was perfect AND there was no wind so the girls and I rode our bikes to the park. Sun and movement always lift my spirits.

And there's so much to learn from my kids.

Ruby is incredibly adept at acknowledging the good things in her life. When I rub her back or massage her head, she'll often look up at me and say "that feels good." Or if we're playing a game or building a fort, she'll pause to let me know she's having fun. I want to do more of this in my own life.

Maia lives so utterly in the moment she'll forget what she's saying mid-sentence because she's been distracted by the last piece of popcorn which she has accidentally dropped onto the floor and our dog scrambles to devour. Her room is a gallery of unfinished creative projects (rainbow loom necklaces) amidst piles of books (which she is reading all at once, small ripped pieces of paper serving as bookmarks) adorned with one or more planned outfits for picture day (having been laid out weeks in advance). Her life is so fun and interesting.

I want to live more in the moment. Certainly, there are seasons of life that require thinking ahead and planning. I am currently experiencing an intense period of living in the future. The inside of my brain is like an olympic table tennis match; the balls moving back and forth between tasks and lists almost faster than the human eye can see.

I've been thinking recently about contentment (and happiness? same thing?) and that it might lie in the present. Understanding my place and role in the universe and not looking ahead for more or behind at what has happened helps provide satisfaction with my life.

Since the beginning of February I've been participating in the phenomena that is the Crossfit Open. Basically it's 5 workouts that are announced once a week for 5 weeks and people all over the world do the same workout and post their scores with hopes to advance to the regional games.
(I'm just doing the workouts as part of a internal gym competition, I'm not actually competing in the Open proper.) I did the fourth workout (18.4) on Saturday and currently, the entire area from my lower back to the backs of my knees throbs anytime I lean over. And while its terribly painful and inconvenient, strangely, it makes me happy. Not because I like the pain, but rather what that pain represents. It reminds me that I did a really hard thing and it didn't defeat me.

Which makes me think, could this be a larger metaphor for life? Stress, anxiety, low-self worth. What can those things tell me? Maybe that I'm doing something about which I care very deeply? That this period of uncertainty is helping me find contentment?

As I always tell my students, we often don't learn and grow as fully when things come easily.

Are you still reading? I should send you a signed CD. :)

My flight's boarding in a bit.

Peace to you, my friends.

Recording session, wrapped

My recording session for SHE has concluded. The past two mornings I've woken up with vague recollections of dreams with the phrases "cross fade" and "patch" repeating in my mind. I have so many things to say about this experience that I want to share with you, and yet I'm finding it hard to create any sort of cohesive narrative.

I will have forever etched into my memory, the scent of the windscreen; it's warm metallic aroma when my eyes were closed, lost in the music and my nose would nudge close: seeing my music through it with metal hash marks a filter over my score.

I didn't realize this recording project would be such an endurance sport. The preceding months of discipline (diet, sleep, exercise, practice) enabled my body/instrument to rise to the occasion.

I firmly kept at bay the worries that can overtake any singer. What is that tickle in the back of my throat? Why is my voice sounding tired? Is this headache from tension or the start of a cold? I did not allow those thoughts to take root and tried to keep my schedule and life as normal as possible. Drinking my coffee in the morning, allowing myself to sleep in a bit later than normal, but up by 8. Going to bed at the same time. Working out. No alcohol, no sugar. 

Before this week, I made sure to practice every day, building endurance. Those vocal folds are muscles, and I figured that I could condition them, the same way athletes train large muscle groups.

We pushed hard the first day, getting though the Heggie. We recorded for 4 1/2 hours, nerves and sheer grit getting us through. When I think about Amanda, I am amazed at her endurance. In the mornings she was leading a high school musical camp, teaching choreography and songs, then coming straight to these intense recording sessions. That first day was tough for both of us and there were moments that you could visibly see the exhaustion. However, I'm so glad we pushed as hard as we did. It eased some of the pressure for the remaining days.

On the second day we got through 8 of the 11 Gordon songs, using a full 4 hours. That morning I had woken up, unsure if I was really happy with some of the last few songs we had recorded the day before. After day 2, knowing what good shape we were in, I made the decision that I wanted to rerecord some of the Heggie on our last day.

We all approached day three feeling more relaxed and laid back. Everything had gone so well. I really felt grateful for the team that I had assembled and the room and piano were cooperating beautifully. We first rerecorded the Heggie songs that I had been unsure about and then finished up with the Gordon. We recorded for 3 hours and celebrated over drinks (finally!) that night.

Aleks was amazing this week and his contribution to the project were invaluable. He kept the house running smoothly, assumed all kid responsibilities, had dinner ready when I walked in the door utterly exhausted and starving, and let me sleep in the mornings.

The next step involves editing all the different takes into a seamless record. Carter, my engineer will do the first round of editing based off the notes from my producer, Jeff. During our session Jeff would slate each take and make notes of which measures we were performing. Then after we had captured each section at least three times ("3 takes to get 1" was a common phrase from Jeff), he would mark which take we liked the best and/or, which sections from which takes we liked so that in editing, Carter would know what do cross fade or patch in.

By making this edit map as we recorded, Jeff has saved me a lot of money and Carter a lot of time during the editing process. Thank you Jeff!

Once we have an edit and mix with which I'm happy, the digital files will be sent to PARMA for mastering. Simultaneously I'll be working with the design team on the cover and liner notes of the physical album.

Once we have a finished product, it will be manufactured and PARMA will send out advance copies to reviewers. The official release date is March 2018.

(I learned this week, that in order to get onto Billboard top 100 in the classical music genre, you really only need to sell 10-20 copies. I'd really like to make it onto that chart, so help me get the word out once this album is finished!)

I am so incredibly humbled and grateful that PARMA has agreed to work with me on SHE. This company cares so much about their reputation and the quality of projects with which they are involved is extremely high.

Here is the recording session in numbers:

12 hours of recording.

203 takes.

2 committed artists.

1 enthusiastic engineer.

1 experienced, encouraging producer.

Thank you again to everyone who has helped make this week a reality. I kept experiencing these surreal moments, where Jeff would slate the take and then I'd start to sing and it just felt like magic. My voice would actually sound the note that I was intending, with the tone I wanted. How amazing is the body, that it can do that?

This week will be forever be remembered as a mountain top experience. I hope it's the first of many records.

Recording Day 1

Today was a good day.

Amanda and I recorded "Eve Song" by Jake Heggie in 4 1/2 hours and 80 takes (roughly). 

I had dreams all last night about recording engineers and producers, my anxiety making itself known as I slept.

Last night I received a text from my dad.

 

I am fully aware of how lucky I am to have parents who support my artistic endeavors. Not only do they support me in their role as proud parents, but also as fellow artists. Without them, today would have never happened.

Amanda and I came into this day fully prepared, yet nervous about what to expect. What we discovered is that we have an incredible team which is made up of our engineer and producer who are committed to getting the best performances, while creating a comfortable and easy going atmosphere. Our producer is from PARMA (the company producing the album) and the engineer is a local Kansan.

We're in good hands. And as a result, I'm enjoying the luxury of focusing on my artistry. 

As I write this, reflecting on the day, I am amazed at our combined stamina (Amanda and me) and at the unflagging response of my instrument. The biggest worry I had going into this first day of recording was if those tiny, supple vocal folds in my larynx could hang in there for 4 hours. Well, they rose to the occasion.

I think there are definitely two factors that have contributed to my vocal stamina. One is the Estill Vocal method I've been studying and implementing into my teaching and singing. Having a scientific understanding of my voice has enabled me to sing in a healthy way, while still achieving many different colors. The other is that I have completely cut out sugar from my diet for about 5 weeks now. I never considered myself to be a mucus-y singer or one that has inflammation, but after being sugar free I've noticed a huge difference.

Tomorrow we will record "Too Few the Mornings Be" by Ricky Ian Gordon.

Thank you all for your encouragement and support of this project. This album belongs to you as well.