16 years. Our marriage can get its' driver's license!

A few weeks ago, Aleks walked in the door from a long day at work and into chaos. I had finished teaching, was cleaning out backpacks and lunch boxes, trying to get a handle on how the girls were doing, make sure the homework was finished, convince Maia to practice piano, and get dinner on the table.

Ruby was having a crises of some sort; it could have been about stresses at school or just that her shoes didn't feel right, really, either is feasible.

So Aleks walked in to this mess and without missing a beat, sat down and said "Ruby, I'd really like to help you figure this out. What can I do?"

That patience and kindness was the thing that hooked me when we first met in college almost 2 decades ago. And over the last 16 years, Aleks' best qaulities have just deepened and expanded into something beyond what I could have ever imagined.

I thought what I was getting from 22 year old Aleks was pretty good.

The gift that is my husband is so much more than I deserve.

16 years ago we moved into our first apartment.

Which had the infamous "shath" or "bower." The bathroom was built into the eave of the house and so stading in the shower was impossible. Also, any time the toilet ran, which it did about every 5 minutes, the water would turn into boiling, scalding torture.

Look at that cell phone on the kitchen counter. This was before Facebook and the iphone as we know it now.

He's still got those Chuck Taylors.

Marriage is a trip. I definitely don't have it all figured out, but I'm grateful to have a patient, honest man with me on the journey.

Look at those babies.

 Lucky. Grateful. Proud.

Happy anniversary Aleks. 

Here's to so many more years of adventure, laughter, and growth.

15 years!

I'm sure most of the people at our wedding thought we were too young to be getting married. Some family members and friends had told us their opinions outright. Some kept it to themselves. But there were also a few in attendance who believed that we knew what we were doing.

I remember crying as I walked down the aisle (and throughout my vows), not because I was sad or anxious, but instead, overcome with the magnitude of it all. As a result, there are no pictures of me in that moment. I'm not a pretty crier.

I remember an epic toast by my maid of honor Erin who, perfectly balancing humor and love, convinced a few of those doubters that we'd be ok.

(my dad married us *inset heart eyes emoji*)

As my college roommate for 3 years, Erin and I knew each other in ways only roommates can know one another. In particular, and lucky for her, she was aware of my self-diagnosed disorder: P.F.A., otherwise known as Public Farting Anxiety. I refuse to pass gas in front of other people, to the point of causing myself discomfort.

As Erin shared my disorder at our reception with our closest friends and family, she went on to tell about a night I returned home from a date with Aleks. I came into her room and said, "I think he's the one. I farted in front of Aleks tonight."

And here we are, celebrating 15 years of marriage.

Aleks, you're still my favorite person. I hold you in highest esteem, respect you and your opinion, and am constantly overwhelmed by the way you father our children. Actually, I'm not sure we knew what we were doing 15 years ago, because I didn't love you a fraction of what I do now.

There is no better partner for me.

Thank you for being the kind of man who encourages me to let my farts out.

4 things you should know about your child's music lessons and their teacher

I've been a music teacher for almost 20 years. It's a fulfilling career in so many ways: at the forefront is the connection created with other humans through music making. However, as with any job that involves a service of some sort, we rarely think of the human being behind the service we receive.

Here are four (and a half) things to consider that will help your music teacher feel like a valued member of society.

1. Your initial interaction tells us a lot about how lessons are going to go.
Here's a message I received the other day requesting voice lessons:

Hello! I heard through (...) that you give voice lessons.. she mentioned that you may be full until January, but I wondered if it would be possible to be put on your list of students then? Thanks (...)

You may read this and think, what's the big deal? First problem, this was sent on FB messenger, from someone I do not know, nor do I really know the person from whom she received the reference. If you google my name, my website will pop up as the first hit. I have spent considerable time designing and creating content for this site, and I even pay an annual fee! On this website there is copious information about my teaching philosophy and policy. There is also a place to send an email.

A random FB message indicates your level of interest and commitment. Think about it. Would you FB message a new doctor to get an appointment? Or realtor? Or chiropractor?

A further problem with this lesson request is the lack of context. Are the lessons for you or your child? Have you had lessons before? Why do you want to take lessons? All this information, when included at first contact tells us that you have given thought as to why you want music lessons and are interested in finding a good fit.


2a. Even though music lessons are a hobby for your student, they are your teacher's work.
Yes, we love what we do. Yes, we are lucky to be able to make music all day. However, it is still a job. I've received many comments over the years from parents who off-handedly comment on the luxury of my non-tradional work hours, or intimate that I'm soooo lucky to play piano all day, all of which are not meant to be demeaning, but undermine the craft and effort that underlie my profession.


2b. Late payments mean your teacher may not be able to pay their bills.
Chances are, your music teacher makes their living giving lessons. Even though you may view lessons as non-essential, they provide the bread and butter for your teacher.


3. You student is not entitled to music lessons.
Music lessons are intense. They are one on one. You or your student is being asked to think critically. It's hard work. It's also incredibly rewarding and fulfilling. If you approach lessons expecting to be spoon fed, constantly praised, and micro-managed, you are doing yourself and your teacher a disservice.


4. We music teachers are your biggest fans.
I get to see many of my students more often than they get to see their grandparents. I come to know their lives and hear about the challenges and joys they experience each week. I get to see growth and vulnerability. Music teachers are some of the most generous, supportive, loving people I know. We're in this business because we like connecting with other humans and communicating through music. And there is nothing more exciting to us than seeing our students thrive in all ways, big or small.


While music lessons aren't an essential service, they are undoubtedly essential to functional humanity and I'm grateful to be a contributor.

New Roles

It's the last week of August. The kids have been in school for 2 weeks and I'm finally starting to recover from our long, intense summer.

Headed into fall, we are all trying on new roles. Aleks is the new Director of the School of Music at WSU. This new position is something he wanted quite a lot and for which he is very well suited. As his partner, it's exciting and fun to watch him overcome challenges and put into practice so many of his leadership skills.

Maia is now a 4th grader. She is taking on more responsibility by singing in an extracurricular choir, continuing with piano lesson, and taking acro jazz. There is more responsibility and independence in her classroom this year and we're working to expand that into our home life as well.

Ruby is in 2nd grade. She just started competitive soccer and is getting adjusted to the intensity of practices and games. Turns out, I'm one of those parents who yells a lot from the sidelines. And it turns out I know nothing about soccer. After a summer of violin lessons, she's back into piano and showing marked maturity about practicing so far.

For many different reasons (a major one being Aleks' new job which demands more traditional work hours) I have stepped into the role of CEO of household management. After two weeks of stay-at-home work, I am once again struck with what a luxury it is to have a partner who is able to manage all the household affairs. Of course, because I'm me, I'm still working 3 other part time jobs, but I've reduced my private teaching by about 2/3, which leaves me more time to take care of the family.

Now that I have time, one of the things I've taken over are the interactions with our insurance agent, contractor (we're remodeling our bathroom, but more on that another time), piano tuner, auto mechanic, etc.

Which leads me to say: salesMEN of Wichita, y'all are going to have to figure out a different way to interact with this strong, independent woman. Your "hey there little lady" mentality is not going to cut it. And when I call you for clarifications on policies, I am not a "deeply concerned woman." Rather I'm an intelligent customer who is irritated that she has to take time out of her day to get clarification on a matter that should have been explained during our hour long meeting last week. And when I'm matter of fact on the phone and don't want to chat about nonsense, I'm not angry or rude, I've just got stuff to do.

Is this a midwest thing? I don't feel like I was treated this way other places I've lived...

Now that I'm not drowning in work, I'm hoping to resume some of my creative projects. One of them includes writing here on a more consistent basis. Another is that I'm hoping to record another season of our podcast, "What Makes."

I hope your fall is off to a good start and that whether you're working in the home or outside the home, you are finding time to be creative and fulfilled!

Summer is here!

My brother has a theory that everyone’s earliest memory involves a traumatic or negative experience.

In my first memory, I’m lying on the bathroom floor at my grandparents’ house in Castro Valley, CA. My head is on the shag rug and I can see the pink porcelain bathtub out of the corner of my eye. My mom is changing my diaper, so I couldn’t have been much older than two. 

My mom was one of the original hippies who made her own bread with whole wheat, fed us carob instead of chocolate, and owned moon shoes at one point. She and my dad were strong supporters of the public library and the only TV we were allowed to watch was a half hour of Mr. Rogers. On occasion, we could watch a half hour of Sesame Street as well, but only if dinner was taking longer to cook than intended. We were cloth diaper kids. 

On this day, however, I was in a disposable diaper.

I distinctly remember a sharp pain as the diaper was pulled from my inner thighs to be removed and seeing red marks where the edges had been cutting into my tender toddler legs. And I remember thinking “my thighs are too fat for this diaper.”

At two years old, I was ashamed of my body.

Even though my house was absent of a strong media presence, I grew up aware that my large, unconventional body was not ideal and tried to hide it behind baggy clothes. 

Visits to the doctor’s office, where my weight was spoken about in hushed, concerned tones, didn’t help. 

I struggled with body image throughout adolescence and young adulthood. I dieted and exercised and binged and counted points and bought a Fitbit and dieted some more. Four years into my marriage and during graduate school, I lost forty pounds, dyed my hair blonde, and for the first time in my life felt a modicum of self-confidence.

Soon after I became pregnant with our oldest daughter and 17 months later had her sister. Needless to say, I gained back those 40 pounds and then some.

Very early on, my husband and I agreed that we needed to be very careful about how we talked about our own bodies in front of our children. No “I’m so fat” comments or disdainful pinching of flabby areas.

When we first moved to Kansas, the girls were one and two. Unaccustomed to the hot, humid summers here, we sought refuge at the YMCA water parks. Each trip I found myself carrying the baby on a hip and chasing after the toddler with fake self-assuredness as my white, dimpled, post-partum body was on display for all of greater Wichita. Inside I was embarrassed and mortified, but I would be damned if I remained hot and sweaty one second longer.

And thus, a tradition was started. Each summer we get hot and sweaty and find ourselves headed to the Y for a swim. Every year the girls get older and taller and pretty soon I won’t need to get in the pool with them. Which is pretty ironic, since I have finally made peace with this strong, capable body of mine.

I’m not sure I can pinpoint when exactly the change occurred. Maybe it was the decrease in negative talk after my girls were born. Maybe it’s that now I care more about creating memories and experiences than meeting a superficial standard.

Or maybe it’s that I finally see myself through my daughters’ eyes.

A few summers ago, we all went swimsuit shopping. The three of us were crowded into the changing room and my daughters “helped” by taking all the suits off the hangers. As I began this dreaded process, my underwear poked out the bottom of each possibility, creating weird, extra folds on my thighs and belly. Some of the tops were a bad fit and the fluorescent lights accentuated the rolls cascading down my back.

And yet, with each new suit I tried, my girls would exclaim “that looks so pretty!” or “oooooo, so fashionable!” Their comments were pure and honest and they didn’t see the flaws that I was so quick to fixate upon.

What a gift I was given that day.

I have these two beautiful, precious girls who will undoubtedly have their own complicated relationships with their bodies. But for now, I’m doing my best to help them love who they are, bodies and all. I try to provide nutritious foods and encourage lots of physical play. I try not to comment on how they look, rather praise them for what their bodies have helped them accomplish, such as running fast, or doing a straight-legged cartwheel. 

My girls are now 7 and 9 and I’m very aware that lots of physical changes are coming our way. I know there will lots of struggles and a huge learning curve as we navigate puberty. But, one things I know for certain: we’ll keep having fun swimming together this summer and for many summers to come.

Change is coming!

It's my first day off in weeks. I just put a tray of sugar cookie bars into the oven. A treat for the girls, and the time to make them, a treat for me. The whole family has been limping toward the end of the semester, trying to stay just enough ahead so as to not let anything fall between the cracks.

It's a busy time of year for everyone and I know we're not the only ones feeling the spring burn.

About a month ago, I wrote a rather ambiguous post about transitions and finding contentment in uncertainty. What I couldn't say at the time, was that Aleks was a finalist for a position as the director for the school of music at Belmont University in Nashville, TN.

At the same time, we also found out that he was a finalist for the position as the director for the school of music at Wichita State University.

Against our better judgement, we feverishly browsed  Zillow, looking for houses in the Nashville area. I researched schools and neighborhoods, and CrossFit gyms. I mentally made lists of things to pack up first and how to get the house ready to sell.

We gave the girls a heads up and started conversations about what it might feel like to go to a new school.

I felt weepy some days, thinking about leaving the things that have been good for us. Ruby's piano teacher, the girls' elementary school, dear friendships, the simplicity of a smaller town, the general familiarity.

And I felt giddy other days thinking about the things I could leave behind.

Just as the busyness of my SHE promotion was amping up, we found out that Belmont had gone with a different candidate and that same week, Aleks was offered the position at WSU.

The girls shrieked with happiness when we told them the news.

Aleks is very excited about this new job. Since he's worked there for awhile, he understands the culture of the school and its challenges and strengths. He is a skilled leader with an enthusiastic vision for its potential. He is eager to use his position of power to give a voice to minorities and women. It's not going to be easy, but he's going to do a wonderful job and he's ready to dig in.

And as for me. Many of you know that I struggle living here in a place that is so very different from where I grew up.

During my trip to Pullman for SHE promotion, I had the opportunity to see some friends. One wise friend, in talking about her own experience, said "I can be happy anywhere." Really? I asked. Sure, she said with a smile and shrug of her shoulders.

Maybe it was the quiet confidence, or the shrug, but I clearly saw her happiness as a choice, something firmly in her control.

That conversation, coupled with my recent premature mourning of good Wichita things led to this conclusion; I don't need to wait until we move to make my life what I want it to be. Those things I was sad about leaving? I'm going lean into those. And the things I was so eager to leave behind? I can do something about them now.

And so.

Next year is going to look different for all of us. I'm going to teach less. I will be reducing my studio from 35 to 10 (hopefully 8). I will no longer be working on the weekends.

I'll be leaning into a more traditional stay at home role as Aleks won't have the same flexibility to help with the girls in this new position. I'm happy and eager to do this, it's something I'm pretty good at, actually.

I'm going to spend this year recharging my creative battery. I'm so burned out. It's going to feel really weird and it's going to be hard, but I hope that I'm a little bored so that new ideas and inspiration will have room to bud and grow.

It's such a process isn't it? I don't have it all figured out just yet, but I'm committed to keep working at it.

Ah! The bus is here! I'm ready to give my girlies their treat.

Airport thoughts

I'm sitting in the airport during a three hour layover on my way to Washington state. I'm already missing my family, but also starting to feel myself unwind in the way that being removed from your everyday routine can encourage.

Since winter break ended, life has presented Aleks and I with some unexpected challenges. Nothing that is alarming or life shattering, but rather the kind of challenges that sit silently in the corner, biding their time to potentially impact our lives. Or not. Or change things completely. The irony of Lent and this season of life coinciding is not lost on me.

Fourteen and a half years of marriage is a huge advantage, however. Are we still as spontaneous and romantic as we once were? No. But being helpmates to each other in times of stress? Yeah, we know how to travel this road together.

On top of the weird emotional state hovering over our household for the last three months, I have a cd that is being released in April (if you haven't heard). Having never done this before, I didn't realize that this project would not end with last take of the recording session. It has been a wonderful, exciting process and full of decisions and revisions. Most recently, the production company with whom I'm working, has encouraged me to be proactive in the weeks leading up to the release by being more present and vocal on social media. Also, part of the push before the release involves me giving a series of concerts, which have been in the works for months. Former professors, colleagues, and current friends are hosting me at various venues, generously supporting me and album in this way.

I just bring this up, because I'm sure on social media, things may look pretty exciting. And they are. But here's a more realistic picture.

I gave a concert last Friday at a venue about an hour outside of Wichita. When people ask me how it went, I truthfully tell them it went well. I sang to the best of my ability and my pianist/friend and I made some really beautiful, interesting music. What I don't tell most of them is that there were 12 people in the audience, 3 of whom were my family. It was really discouraging.  And even though it wasn't my fault, caused me to feel like a failure.

The next day I was decidedly "blue," but thankfully it was one of those rare Wichita days in which the temperature was perfect AND there was no wind so the girls and I rode our bikes to the park. Sun and movement always lift my spirits.

And there's so much to learn from my kids.

Ruby is incredibly adept at acknowledging the good things in her life. When I rub her back or massage her head, she'll often look up at me and say "that feels good." Or if we're playing a game or building a fort, she'll pause to let me know she's having fun. I want to do more of this in my own life.

Maia lives so utterly in the moment she'll forget what she's saying mid-sentence because she's been distracted by the last piece of popcorn which she has accidentally dropped onto the floor and our dog scrambles to devour. Her room is a gallery of unfinished creative projects (rainbow loom necklaces) amidst piles of books (which she is reading all at once, small ripped pieces of paper serving as bookmarks) adorned with one or more planned outfits for picture day (having been laid out weeks in advance). Her life is so fun and interesting.

I want to live more in the moment. Certainly, there are seasons of life that require thinking ahead and planning. I am currently experiencing an intense period of living in the future. The inside of my brain is like an olympic table tennis match; the balls moving back and forth between tasks and lists almost faster than the human eye can see.

I've been thinking recently about contentment (and happiness? same thing?) and that it might lie in the present. Understanding my place and role in the universe and not looking ahead for more or behind at what has happened helps provide satisfaction with my life.

Since the beginning of February I've been participating in the phenomena that is the Crossfit Open. Basically it's 5 workouts that are announced once a week for 5 weeks and people all over the world do the same workout and post their scores with hopes to advance to the regional games.
(I'm just doing the workouts as part of a internal gym competition, I'm not actually competing in the Open proper.) I did the fourth workout (18.4) on Saturday and currently, the entire area from my lower back to the backs of my knees throbs anytime I lean over. And while its terribly painful and inconvenient, strangely, it makes me happy. Not because I like the pain, but rather what that pain represents. It reminds me that I did a really hard thing and it didn't defeat me.

Which makes me think, could this be a larger metaphor for life? Stress, anxiety, low-self worth. What can those things tell me? Maybe that I'm doing something about which I care very deeply? That this period of uncertainty is helping me find contentment?

As I always tell my students, we often don't learn and grow as fully when things come easily.

Are you still reading? I should send you a signed CD. :)

My flight's boarding in a bit.

Peace to you, my friends.

A substituting adventure

I initially thought that on my days off (which happen to be during the week because my independently contracted life doesn't include a typical 9-5 job) I could help out by substituting in my kids' classrooms. I volunteer once a week already and the kids know me, so it would be a pretty easy transition for them and myself.

I casually looked into the process and forgot about it for awhile because there were like a thousand steps involved in applying. Then, sometime between Nov. and Dec., when I'm especially burned out and questioning my career choices, I looked into it again. And I emailed the district office with some questions. Which they answered and said "We have one of our mandatory meetings in two days. I know you're haven't finished applying, but if you came, we could at least cross that off our list."

And because I'm the type of person who must finish something with steadfast determination once it's started, completed the application process in a matter of hours.

A few days after the district meeting I received a call from the substitute coordinator who was looking for a long term music sub for an elementary teacher headed to maternity leave. My paperwork was 2 weeks into process at the state level and I hadn't officially been hired yet. Provided my fingerprints went through and the State of Kansas granted me an emergency sub license, I agreed to take the job.

My paperwork went through in record time and on Jan. 9 I found myself in the classroom, looking at a group of 4th graders with recorders in hand.

The past month has been surreal. All 3 of my degrees are in music performance and technically, I've had zero classroom training. However, I have been teaching privately for 17 years so while I was in new territory, it also felt like I've been teaching elementary music my whole life.

I had no idea if I would enjoy this job. It's so different from one on one work I do with high school and college kids. It all felt a little reckless.

As it turns out, it was a wonderful experience and I enjoyed it more than I anticipated. Here are some things I learned:

1. All the teacher memes on the internet are true. Especially the ones about not having time to go to the bathroom. Of course everyone is all "be careful of your voice" and "be sure you're practicing vocal health" and I'm all "Yes! I'll drink lots of water as part of my vocal health regime!" and then I'm almost peeing my pants during 1st grade rhythm work because I haven't had time to visit the restroom.

2. Elementary school is where kids learn how to navigate the world, but at low stakes. I can't tell you how many times I told classes that one of the most important things they can learn, right now, is to keep your hands to yourself, don't touch things that don't belong to you, and only worry about yourself; make sure you are doing the right thing even when no one is looking. There were also a few conversations about empathy with the 5th graders. Maybe they all heard "wah-wah-wah" (sad trombone sound), but maybe those ideas stuck with one or two kiddos.

3. Technology is a huge part of the classroom these days. There are smart boards and flip grids and endless online resources. Honestly, this was the part of subbing that made me the most nervous. Thankfully most of the technology is pretty intuitive and the kids know how to use it just as well as the adults. And they LOVE helping. There was one day that my promethean board wasn't working and so I had to scramble to make new lessons plans, but it all worked out.

4. There is something refreshing about the intense, honest display of emotions from younger kids. So a student doesn't get a turn when they wanted and they start crying; the next time they are all smiles and eager to participate. Their emotions are intense and come and go quickly. It's a refreshing change from the sometimes complicated and angsty dealings with adolescents.

5. Teachers are angels here on earth. I've always known this, but working in the school system, on the front lines with amazing men and women who have a passion for kids and education, just solidified this belief. Seriously, these people who are instructing our kids are teaching them so much more than reading and writing and arithmetic. It's a hard, tiring job and I'm so grateful for you who chose to make it your life's work.

I'm very grateful for my time in the classroom. It has taught me about myself and the community in which I live. So many good things.

Now, it's time to focus on my other teaching and the upcoming release of my album; SHE. Never a dull moment!

5 things I've learned from Crossfit

November 1 marked a year of my membership at Crossfit Calamity. I initially joined because I wanted something new
out of my exercise routine and my friend Todd encouraged me to come try it out. It has been one of the best decisions of my life, physically and emotionally.

My Crossfit box is made up of the kind of people who celebrate each victory, no matter how small. They're not the kind of people who look down on what you can't do, but at what you can. They get excited for your new PR, even though it's 100 pounds lighter than theirs.

This kind of cheerleading is not typical in my professional life and it's been so good for me to have this balance.

Physically I'm in the best shape of my life. Recently I got tired of people thinking I wasn't fit because of the extra weight I was carrying and so started a low carb way of eating. I'm happy to say, I can now see my new muscles.

Because the first rule of Crossfit is, "talk about Crossfit," I'm going to share some things I've learned over the past year.


1. Train with people who are more fit and better athletes than yourself.

The group of people with whom I workout are all really good runners. I am not a good runner. I mean, my form is fine, but I'm slow and every step is painful. My heart sinks a little each time I see a WOD that includes running and I have to consciously leave my ego in the car, because I will be the last one to finish the workout. Recently there has been a lot of running and I constantly feel like I'm lagging behind. Then one day I had to go to a class at a different time, where the running skill level was different. At the end of the WOD (in which running was included) I realized 2 things: 1. I wasn't as slow as I had perceived myself to be and 2. training with people better than myself sucked, but had raised my skill level.

When I'm surrounded by people who are better than I am, it can feel discouraging. While I feel like I'm always struggling to catch up, it's easy to lose sight of the progress I've made. I think this is important for all aspects of life. Hang out with parents who have children older than your own. Glean advice from people who have been doing your job ten years longer than you. Perform with artists who have better technique and more experience. You will constantly be pushed to improve.

2. Progress takes time.

This is particularly relevant to singing. Progress takes consistency and time. After a year, I still can't do a pull up, but I'm close. A year ago I could barely hang from the bar for 10 seconds. A year ago I never dreamed I could hold myself in a handstand, much less do a modified handstand pushup. Trusting in the process, developing a solid technique, and patience leads to success in the gym and in life.

3. Strong comes in all shapes and sizes.

It's amazing to me that the size of muscle or person does not determine how much weight they can lift. Nor does it demonstrate the size and capacity of their "engine." At this time in my life, being strong is incredibly important: physically, mentally, and emotionally. Crossfit (and therapy) have helped me know how strong I am and how much stronger I have yet to become.

4. Be the kind of person who tries to get in another rep when there are 2 sec. left on the clock.

At the end of the day, we only need to answer to ourselves and God (if that's your jam). What your colleagues, coach, and friends think of you doesn't really matter. Are you the kind of person that pushes until the very end? Or when time is almost out do you stop before the clock gets to zero? It's exhausting to be the kind of person who continually tries to better themselves. I love that in the gym, the biggest competition is myself and the intensity of workout is dependent on me.

5. Crossfit people don't care if you're a girl.

There are so many well meaning men in my life who treat me differently because I'm a girl. It is frustrating. Mansplaining is a real thing. But not at my gym. There's respect for everyone and those who are strong and fit come are both men and women.

I suppose this would be the place in this post to share a picture showing off my muscles, but I don't have any (pictures that is). But consider this an open invitation to come to the gym with me and "Get fit, don't quit" (as Maia's gym teacher says).

14 years

14 years looks like a kiss and a "happy anniversary"as he heads to an all day conference and I get on a plane to Phoenix.

It means studying each other's schedules and choreographing the kid swapping and the bag packing that has to happen before each activity.

It looks like random texts throughout the day telling stories of our kids we forgot to share, or reminding one another the garbage needs to go out, or asking if the credit card bill got paid. And the occasional eggplant emoji text.

For us, it looks like fewer dates night, but increased quality of the time we are alone.

Year 14 has been a good one. Some years are easier than others. Year 13 was hard.

How grateful I am to be partnered with someone who doesn't back away from unhappiness, but instead leans into it and figures out how to make it better.

Aleks has changed a lot this year. I have too. We are simultaneously more independent of each other, yet more strongly bonded.

In this 14th year we've learned to listen to each other better and more deeply. The space surrounding our relationship feels more vibrant and energized.

We've worked really hard to build the life we have together. Undoubtedly it is the single thing of which I am most proud.

Each year life seems to become more complex with kids' ballooning schedules, career advances, and  increased household responsibilities. Yet, the one thing that is crystal clear is my partner; I see him and know him.

Happy anniversary, darling. I'm looking forward to the year ahead and all the adventures it will bring.

(Look at those babies!)

5 Self Care Tips for Voice Teachers

I'm nearing 20 years (!) of private teaching experience, and while I'm still don't have it all figured out, there are several things I try to habitually follow to avoid burning out.

5. Set a time each night, after which you no longer respond to student texts/emails.
With all the glorious advances in technology, it is now easier than ever for students to have 24 hour access to their teachers. Sometimes it can be really wonderful. For instance, if you need a quick response about repertoire or lesson times, it's so handy to be able to text or FB message. However, those texts that come at 9:38 PM the night before a lesson, wondering where they can get the sheet music to the repertoire you assigned LAST WEEK (for which you also gave them the website/resources to find the music), those emails? Those can be pretty frustrating. I've learned that if I set a boundary, I do not allow myself to get sucked into a student's emergency brought on by procrastination and bad planning. Most teachers I know are very giving and generous with their time, so this may seem counterintuitive. However, for my sanity, it is helpful to have a designated time when I don't feel like I have to work.

4. Stay hydrated and nourished while teaching.
Due to my husband's work schedule and our family life, I often teach several looooooong days instead of a couple hours every day of the week. This means that I typically see 6-8 students in a row, before having a break. I've found staying on top of my hydration is paramount to keeping my energy up and my vocal health in tact. Similarly, having a handful of almonds or protein bar to eat between musical phrases often helps me maintain positivity when the 8th student in a row has forgotten their music.

3. Find supportive colleagues with whom you can share ideas/frustrations/concerns.
Too often voice teachers can be competitive with one another. I am so over that culture. There are enough voice students for everyone, we all have different approaches and personalities, and I'm confident enough in my teaching that I don't need to be threatened by a teacher who is also doing wonderful work. We teachers experience many of the same challenges and by sharing those frustrations, the possibilities for solutions exponentially increase. I'm so grateful to have several colleagues in my life with whom I can share my concerns and joys.

2. Continue to pursue outlets for your own artisty.
Students are so well served by a teacher who is pursuing their own creative endeavors. Not only is it a great example for them to see us practicing what we preach, but also it allows us to be "selfish" and feed our creative souls. So many of us enjoying performing or producing or directing and have to put those things to the side as the more financial stability of teaching becomes necessary. And once you've have something to show for your work, be sure your students get to see the fruits of your labor! I'm always surprised at the instant increase in esteem after a student has been to one of my performances.

1. Only work as hard as your student.
At the beginning of the summer I began to regularly see a therapist. I was burned out and had lost my way. Upon sharing my teaching frustrations, she stopped me and said, "Let me tell you what us therapists say to each other. It's the thing that keeps us from burning out and allows us to be effective in our patient's lives: only work as hard as your patient." This 7 word motto has changed my life. She went on to say that if we continually enable our student's/patient's behavior of not taking responsibility for changing, we are effectively robbing them of growth. In essence, the very thing we are trying to do is negated by our ernest behavior. I'm learning that I can be an empathetic, loving teacher while staying within the responsibilities of my role as teacher.

Teaching voice is hard and exhausting, but can be so very rewarding. Making sure to take care of yourself will help keep you energized, excited, and eager to be in the studio.

Recording session, wrapped

My recording session for SHE has concluded. The past two mornings I've woken up with vague recollections of dreams with the phrases "cross fade" and "patch" repeating in my mind. I have so many things to say about this experience that I want to share with you, and yet I'm finding it hard to create any sort of cohesive narrative.

I will have forever etched into my memory, the scent of the windscreen; it's warm metallic aroma when my eyes were closed, lost in the music and my nose would nudge close: seeing my music through it with metal hash marks a filter over my score.

I didn't realize this recording project would be such an endurance sport. The preceding months of discipline (diet, sleep, exercise, practice) enabled my body/instrument to rise to the occasion.

I firmly kept at bay the worries that can overtake any singer. What is that tickle in the back of my throat? Why is my voice sounding tired? Is this headache from tension or the start of a cold? I did not allow those thoughts to take root and tried to keep my schedule and life as normal as possible. Drinking my coffee in the morning, allowing myself to sleep in a bit later than normal, but up by 8. Going to bed at the same time. Working out. No alcohol, no sugar. 

Before this week, I made sure to practice every day, building endurance. Those vocal folds are muscles, and I figured that I could condition them, the same way athletes train large muscle groups.

We pushed hard the first day, getting though the Heggie. We recorded for 4 1/2 hours, nerves and sheer grit getting us through. When I think about Amanda, I am amazed at her endurance. In the mornings she was leading a high school musical camp, teaching choreography and songs, then coming straight to these intense recording sessions. That first day was tough for both of us and there were moments that you could visibly see the exhaustion. However, I'm so glad we pushed as hard as we did. It eased some of the pressure for the remaining days.

On the second day we got through 8 of the 11 Gordon songs, using a full 4 hours. That morning I had woken up, unsure if I was really happy with some of the last few songs we had recorded the day before. After day 2, knowing what good shape we were in, I made the decision that I wanted to rerecord some of the Heggie on our last day.

We all approached day three feeling more relaxed and laid back. Everything had gone so well. I really felt grateful for the team that I had assembled and the room and piano were cooperating beautifully. We first rerecorded the Heggie songs that I had been unsure about and then finished up with the Gordon. We recorded for 3 hours and celebrated over drinks (finally!) that night.

Aleks was amazing this week and his contribution to the project were invaluable. He kept the house running smoothly, assumed all kid responsibilities, had dinner ready when I walked in the door utterly exhausted and starving, and let me sleep in the mornings.

The next step involves editing all the different takes into a seamless record. Carter, my engineer will do the first round of editing based off the notes from my producer, Jeff. During our session Jeff would slate each take and make notes of which measures we were performing. Then after we had captured each section at least three times ("3 takes to get 1" was a common phrase from Jeff), he would mark which take we liked the best and/or, which sections from which takes we liked so that in editing, Carter would know what do cross fade or patch in.

By making this edit map as we recorded, Jeff has saved me a lot of money and Carter a lot of time during the editing process. Thank you Jeff!

Once we have an edit and mix with which I'm happy, the digital files will be sent to PARMA for mastering. Simultaneously I'll be working with the design team on the cover and liner notes of the physical album.

Once we have a finished product, it will be manufactured and PARMA will send out advance copies to reviewers. The official release date is March 2018.

(I learned this week, that in order to get onto Billboard top 100 in the classical music genre, you really only need to sell 10-20 copies. I'd really like to make it onto that chart, so help me get the word out once this album is finished!)

I am so incredibly humbled and grateful that PARMA has agreed to work with me on SHE. This company cares so much about their reputation and the quality of projects with which they are involved is extremely high.

Here is the recording session in numbers:

12 hours of recording.

203 takes.

2 committed artists.

1 enthusiastic engineer.

1 experienced, encouraging producer.

Thank you again to everyone who has helped make this week a reality. I kept experiencing these surreal moments, where Jeff would slate the take and then I'd start to sing and it just felt like magic. My voice would actually sound the note that I was intending, with the tone I wanted. How amazing is the body, that it can do that?

This week will be forever be remembered as a mountain top experience. I hope it's the first of many records.

Recording Day 1

Today was a good day.

Amanda and I recorded "Eve Song" by Jake Heggie in 4 1/2 hours and 80 takes (roughly). 

I had dreams all last night about recording engineers and producers, my anxiety making itself known as I slept.

Last night I received a text from my dad.

 

I am fully aware of how lucky I am to have parents who support my artistic endeavors. Not only do they support me in their role as proud parents, but also as fellow artists. Without them, today would have never happened.

Amanda and I came into this day fully prepared, yet nervous about what to expect. What we discovered is that we have an incredible team which is made up of our engineer and producer who are committed to getting the best performances, while creating a comfortable and easy going atmosphere. Our producer is from PARMA (the company producing the album) and the engineer is a local Kansan.

We're in good hands. And as a result, I'm enjoying the luxury of focusing on my artistry. 

As I write this, reflecting on the day, I am amazed at our combined stamina (Amanda and me) and at the unflagging response of my instrument. The biggest worry I had going into this first day of recording was if those tiny, supple vocal folds in my larynx could hang in there for 4 hours. Well, they rose to the occasion.

I think there are definitely two factors that have contributed to my vocal stamina. One is the Estill Vocal method I've been studying and implementing into my teaching and singing. Having a scientific understanding of my voice has enabled me to sing in a healthy way, while still achieving many different colors. The other is that I have completely cut out sugar from my diet for about 5 weeks now. I never considered myself to be a mucus-y singer or one that has inflammation, but after being sugar free I've noticed a huge difference.

Tomorrow we will record "Too Few the Mornings Be" by Ricky Ian Gordon.

Thank you all for your encouragement and support of this project. This album belongs to you as well.

 

T-2 days

I've been singing these songs everyday since we got home from vacation. I alternate song cycles each day, focusing on trouble spots, making sure my diction is clear, training my instrument to do what I ask of it.

Today Amanda and I had one last rehearsal, in the space where we will record. We are both ready and excited and a little nervous about what the sessions will yield. We've been working together for almost 3 years and have performed so many times together, it's hard to count.

There's not a moment I take for granted, having a collaborative partner like Amanda. At this point, I feel like we're just an extension of each other. She's right there with me if I chose to spend a little more time on a consonant than is typical. Her consistency allows me to play with interpretation and color. I'm so grateful that Amanda has been on this journey with me and that we get to experience this together.

Recording this particular CD has been a dream since grad school. I've been singing some of this material for a decade (!) and I've been actively working on making a recording for the past two years. All the note learning, text study, research, fundraising, rehearsals, scheduling, first recording sessions, babysitting, recitals, family sacrifices, budget pinching, it's all culminating on Monday.

And of course, this wouldn't even be happening if it weren't for the village of people who have supported me financially and emotionally. It's humbling, to say the least.

I can't wait to share with you how this whole process unfolds. I'll try to post some pictures of the set up and sessions next week.

Can't wait to send these out in March along with the album!

Great Bake Off: Showstopper

I know you've all been waiting with bated breath for our final Sternfeld-Dunn Bake Off challenge and a proclaimed winner.

Life became extremely busy and we kept putting off our final challenge. Honestly, I wasn't hopeful that we would actually get it done.

However, my mother in law had a birthday last week and we figured we'd take the opportunity to celebrate her with two "chocolate cakes that show off our chocolate work" while we are visiting.

The girls were very hopeful that our cake creations would take the shape of something other than cake. Knowing my limits, I decided to attempt a vase made of layer cake, with gum paste flowers coming out the top.

I decided to make cake balls out of the scraps and use as decorations.

The candy melts were ok for coating the cake pops, but I think the ones dipped in regular melted chocolate looked prettier.

I experimented with gum paste for the first time and definitely need more practice.

The final product doesn't really look like a vase, but by the end I was so over the entire project and more stressed than the experience merited that I'm just happy it didn't fall over.

The girls kept saying "it looks like the leaning tower of Pisa!"

Aleks made an "ice cream truffle" using layers of cake, ice cream, whipped cream, and ganache. He also made chocolate leaves from a mold.

The girls were very specific that they needed to taste every component.

The inside does look pretty and you can see where I attempted a crumb layer of frosting.

The inside of Aleks' was very pretty too.

The girls took their judging very seriously and took one bite of everything before moving to a different room to confer.

After much deliberation and heated debate, they came back and declared me the winner! Danni, was very diplomatic and said they both tasted and looked good.

So to recap:

Signature Challenge- Emily
Technical Challenge- Aleks
Showstopper Challenge- Emily

Overall best person/baker/champion of everything- Emily

Maia has decided that this will be an annual challenge. Aleks thinks we should do meat next year...

The Great Sternfeld-Dunn Bake Off

A few months ago I became a fan of the Great British Baking Show and binged on season 2 through Netflix.

And then one day a few weeks ago I was feeling run down, needed a break from my demanding children, and so I suggested we watch an episode of the show all together.  A special treat because TV! and it's an hour long! The girls loved it.

As a family we've watched a total of three episodes and just last week Maia had an idea that the two parents should have a bake off. I mean, it's a total no-brainer. Who wouldn't love to be a judge of baked goods? They came up with challenges and presented them for our approval.

Signature challenge: French pastry (we talked them out of making puff, I'm not ready for that)

Technical challenge: chocolate macarons

Showstopper: chocolate cake and as Maia said "it needs to show off your chocolate work."

For the first challenge I decided to make chocolate eclairs. Instead of filling them with pasty cream, I used chocolate whipped cream because I know my judges and I know they wouldn't like pastry cream and I wanted to win.

Filling them was a bit harder than I anticipated. Having the correct tools is essential and I think I needed to use a thinner and longer tip in my piping bag (the middles aren't filled with cream).

Aleks made a crepe filled with nutella.

The girls had a friend over to play that day, so she got to be one of the judges as well.

Unsurprisingly to me, the girls voted that my eclairs were the winner. I mean, I am basically the baker in the family. Although, anything with Nutella is pretty divine.

Two days later we had the technical challenge. Now in the real show, the judges are supposed to provide the recipe, while leaving out a few critical instructions. However, the girls couldn't find a recipe in the cookbooks we already had, so I found one online for us to use.

So. Chocolate macarons. I had made macarons one time before. On this day, Aleks had made his macarons while I was out, and so I came home to see them cooling on the stove top.

There was definitely a bit of pressure as the day was almost over and I needed to get them done. Because I listen to the advice given by Paul Hollywood, I know that resting time for macarons are important.

Instead of baking the sheet trays one at a time, I decided to put them both in and just rotate the pans halfway through. When they came out, I thought they looked pretty good, even if they hadn't risen too well. I'm thinking I over mixed them.

Well, womp womp. They were totally under baked and wouldn't come off the parchment paper easily. I think first of all, that I piped my macarons too big. I should have taken the time to draw equal sized circles on my parchment so that I would have a guide while piping. I think my second mistake was putting both trays in the oven at once. I suppose recipes have instructions for a reason.

The macarons were filled with chocolate ganache. Aleks and I decided to half the recipe, since we only had so much chocolate to melt. The directions said to stick the ganache in the fridge for a half hour and then it would be solidified enough to spread on the cookies. Well, mine was in the fridge for close to an hour and it was still liquid. It was at that point I realized I had only halved the chocolate for the ganache, not the cream or butter.

I was ready to throw in the towel and admit defeat, but Aleks made me put something on the plate.

So, as you might guess, Aleks won the technical challenge. Ruby felt really bad that I didn't win and told me several times that she had to go along with Maia's choice. Bless her little heart.

I'm currently in WI for a performance at the IDRS conference this week, so our show stopper challenge will have to wait until I get back. Ruby is really hoping for a chocolate bear on one of our cakes. I've got a few days to plan something that will knock their socks off.

It's a cliff hanger... who will be crowned the winner?!

Stay tuned.