5 Self Care Tips for Voice Teachers

I'm nearing 20 years (!) of private teaching experience, and while I'm still don't have it all figured out, there are several things I try to habitually follow to avoid burning out.

5. Set a time each night, after which you no longer respond to student texts/emails.
With all the glorious advances in technology, it is now easier than ever for students to have 24 hour access to their teachers. Sometimes it can be really wonderful. For instance, if you need a quick response about repertoire or lesson times, it's so handy to be able to text or FB message. However, those texts that come at 9:38 PM the night before a lesson, wondering where they can get the sheet music to the repertoire you assigned LAST WEEK (for which you also gave them the website/resources to find the music), those emails? Those can be pretty frustrating. I've learned that if I set a boundary, I do not allow myself to get sucked into a student's emergency brought on by procrastination and bad planning. Most teachers I know are very giving and generous with their time, so this may seem counterintuitive. However, for my sanity, it is helpful to have a designated time when I don't feel like I have to work.

4. Stay hydrated and nourished while teaching.
Due to my husband's work schedule and our family life, I often teach several looooooong days instead of a couple hours every day of the week. This means that I typically see 6-8 students in a row, before having a break. I've found staying on top of my hydration is paramount to keeping my energy up and my vocal health in tact. Similarly, having a handful of almonds or protein bar to eat between musical phrases often helps me maintain positivity when the 8th student in a row has forgotten their music.

3. Find supportive colleagues with whom you can share ideas/frustrations/concerns.
Too often voice teachers can be competitive with one another. I am so over that culture. There are enough voice students for everyone, we all have different approaches and personalities, and I'm confident enough in my teaching that I don't need to be threatened by a teacher who is also doing wonderful work. We teachers experience many of the same challenges and by sharing those frustrations, the possibilities for solutions exponentially increase. I'm so grateful to have several colleagues in my life with whom I can share my concerns and joys.

2. Continue to pursue outlets for your own artisty.
Students are so well served by a teacher who is pursuing their own creative endeavors. Not only is it a great example for them to see us practicing what we preach, but also it allows us to be "selfish" and feed our creative souls. So many of us enjoying performing or producing or directing and have to put those things to the side as the more financial stability of teaching becomes necessary. And once you've have something to show for your work, be sure your students get to see the fruits of your labor! I'm always surprised at the instant increase in esteem after a student has been to one of my performances.

1. Only work as hard as your student.
At the beginning of the summer I began to regularly see a therapist. I was burned out and had lost my way. Upon sharing my teaching frustrations, she stopped me and said, "Let me tell you what us therapists say to each other. It's the thing that keeps us from burning out and allows us to be effective in our patient's lives: only work as hard as your patient." This 7 word motto has changed my life. She went on to say that if we continually enable our student's/patient's behavior of not taking responsibility for changing, we are effectively robbing them of growth. In essence, the very thing we are trying to do is negated by our ernest behavior. I'm learning that I can be an empathetic, loving teacher while staying within the responsibilities of my role as teacher.

Teaching voice is hard and exhausting, but can be so very rewarding. Making sure to take care of yourself will help keep you energized, excited, and eager to be in the studio.

Recording session, wrapped

My recording session for SHE has concluded. The past two mornings I've woken up with vague recollections of dreams with the phrases "cross fade" and "patch" repeating in my mind. I have so many things to say about this experience that I want to share with you, and yet I'm finding it hard to create any sort of cohesive narrative.

I will have forever etched into my memory, the scent of the windscreen; it's warm metallic aroma when my eyes were closed, lost in the music and my nose would nudge close: seeing my music through it with metal hash marks a filter over my score.

I didn't realize this recording project would be such an endurance sport. The preceding months of discipline (diet, sleep, exercise, practice) enabled my body/instrument to rise to the occasion.

I firmly kept at bay the worries that can overtake any singer. What is that tickle in the back of my throat? Why is my voice sounding tired? Is this headache from tension or the start of a cold? I did not allow those thoughts to take root and tried to keep my schedule and life as normal as possible. Drinking my coffee in the morning, allowing myself to sleep in a bit later than normal, but up by 8. Going to bed at the same time. Working out. No alcohol, no sugar. 

Before this week, I made sure to practice every day, building endurance. Those vocal folds are muscles, and I figured that I could condition them, the same way athletes train large muscle groups.

We pushed hard the first day, getting though the Heggie. We recorded for 4 1/2 hours, nerves and sheer grit getting us through. When I think about Amanda, I am amazed at her endurance. In the mornings she was leading a high school musical camp, teaching choreography and songs, then coming straight to these intense recording sessions. That first day was tough for both of us and there were moments that you could visibly see the exhaustion. However, I'm so glad we pushed as hard as we did. It eased some of the pressure for the remaining days.

On the second day we got through 8 of the 11 Gordon songs, using a full 4 hours. That morning I had woken up, unsure if I was really happy with some of the last few songs we had recorded the day before. After day 2, knowing what good shape we were in, I made the decision that I wanted to rerecord some of the Heggie on our last day.

We all approached day three feeling more relaxed and laid back. Everything had gone so well. I really felt grateful for the team that I had assembled and the room and piano were cooperating beautifully. We first rerecorded the Heggie songs that I had been unsure about and then finished up with the Gordon. We recorded for 3 hours and celebrated over drinks (finally!) that night.

Aleks was amazing this week and his contribution to the project were invaluable. He kept the house running smoothly, assumed all kid responsibilities, had dinner ready when I walked in the door utterly exhausted and starving, and let me sleep in the mornings.

The next step involves editing all the different takes into a seamless record. Carter, my engineer will do the first round of editing based off the notes from my producer, Jeff. During our session Jeff would slate each take and make notes of which measures we were performing. Then after we had captured each section at least three times ("3 takes to get 1" was a common phrase from Jeff), he would mark which take we liked the best and/or, which sections from which takes we liked so that in editing, Carter would know what do cross fade or patch in.

By making this edit map as we recorded, Jeff has saved me a lot of money and Carter a lot of time during the editing process. Thank you Jeff!

Once we have an edit and mix with which I'm happy, the digital files will be sent to PARMA for mastering. Simultaneously I'll be working with the design team on the cover and liner notes of the physical album.

Once we have a finished product, it will be manufactured and PARMA will send out advance copies to reviewers. The official release date is March 2018.

(I learned this week, that in order to get onto Billboard top 100 in the classical music genre, you really only need to sell 10-20 copies. I'd really like to make it onto that chart, so help me get the word out once this album is finished!)

I am so incredibly humbled and grateful that PARMA has agreed to work with me on SHE. This company cares so much about their reputation and the quality of projects with which they are involved is extremely high.

Here is the recording session in numbers:

12 hours of recording.

203 takes.

2 committed artists.

1 enthusiastic engineer.

1 experienced, encouraging producer.

Thank you again to everyone who has helped make this week a reality. I kept experiencing these surreal moments, where Jeff would slate the take and then I'd start to sing and it just felt like magic. My voice would actually sound the note that I was intending, with the tone I wanted. How amazing is the body, that it can do that?

This week will be forever be remembered as a mountain top experience. I hope it's the first of many records.

Recording Day 1

Today was a good day.

Amanda and I recorded "Eve Song" by Jake Heggie in 4 1/2 hours and 80 takes (roughly). 

I had dreams all last night about recording engineers and producers, my anxiety making itself known as I slept.

Last night I received a text from my dad.

 

I am fully aware of how lucky I am to have parents who support my artistic endeavors. Not only do they support me in their role as proud parents, but also as fellow artists. Without them, today would have never happened.

Amanda and I came into this day fully prepared, yet nervous about what to expect. What we discovered is that we have an incredible team which is made up of our engineer and producer who are committed to getting the best performances, while creating a comfortable and easy going atmosphere. Our producer is from PARMA (the company producing the album) and the engineer is a local Kansan.

We're in good hands. And as a result, I'm enjoying the luxury of focusing on my artistry. 

As I write this, reflecting on the day, I am amazed at our combined stamina (Amanda and me) and at the unflagging response of my instrument. The biggest worry I had going into this first day of recording was if those tiny, supple vocal folds in my larynx could hang in there for 4 hours. Well, they rose to the occasion.

I think there are definitely two factors that have contributed to my vocal stamina. One is the Estill Vocal method I've been studying and implementing into my teaching and singing. Having a scientific understanding of my voice has enabled me to sing in a healthy way, while still achieving many different colors. The other is that I have completely cut out sugar from my diet for about 5 weeks now. I never considered myself to be a mucus-y singer or one that has inflammation, but after being sugar free I've noticed a huge difference.

Tomorrow we will record "Too Few the Mornings Be" by Ricky Ian Gordon.

Thank you all for your encouragement and support of this project. This album belongs to you as well.

 

T-2 days

I've been singing these songs everyday since we got home from vacation. I alternate song cycles each day, focusing on trouble spots, making sure my diction is clear, training my instrument to do what I ask of it.

Today Amanda and I had one last rehearsal, in the space where we will record. We are both ready and excited and a little nervous about what the sessions will yield. We've been working together for almost 3 years and have performed so many times together, it's hard to count.

There's not a moment I take for granted, having a collaborative partner like Amanda. At this point, I feel like we're just an extension of each other. She's right there with me if I chose to spend a little more time on a consonant than is typical. Her consistency allows me to play with interpretation and color. I'm so grateful that Amanda has been on this journey with me and that we get to experience this together.

Recording this particular CD has been a dream since grad school. I've been singing some of this material for a decade (!) and I've been actively working on making a recording for the past two years. All the note learning, text study, research, fundraising, rehearsals, scheduling, first recording sessions, babysitting, recitals, family sacrifices, budget pinching, it's all culminating on Monday.

And of course, this wouldn't even be happening if it weren't for the village of people who have supported me financially and emotionally. It's humbling, to say the least.

I can't wait to share with you how this whole process unfolds. I'll try to post some pictures of the set up and sessions next week.

Can't wait to send these out in March along with the album!

SHE

Every since I was a little girl, I can remember wanting to be a mom.

Throughout high school I made most of my money babysitting and would spend time volunteering in the church nursery, VBS, and as a counselor for outdoor ed. In college, the discipline and practice time required for a music major became my focus, but I never lost my desire for a family.

When Aleks and I decided to have kids of our own, I knew raising children would be one of the most creative things I would ever accomplish.

And even though we're told otherwise, we can't really have it all. Or maybe we can have it all, but very rarely can we have it all at the same time.

As a performance major, I was shown a common path for aspiring singers. This path includes many years and dollars put into auditions, summer festivals, young artist programs, resident artist gigs, and if you're lucky, finally a career of principal roles in a large opera houses.

When I had children, I knew that my journey as a performer wouldn't follow that protocol. It was a choice that I willingly made and one that has brought me peace and contentment. Consequently, each audition and possibility is weighted against the cost to my family and role as mother and wife. This has led me to take far less auditions than many of my contemporaries, which in turn has limited my performing opportunities.

As fulfilled as I am by being a mother, I was first an artist and still have a deep desire to create. Recently, I've decided to take an opportunity to advance my career that comes at a low cost (with regards to time) to my family.

So here's the exciting news:

I've signed a recording contract with PARMA productions to release an album in March 2018!

Releasing a CD has been a dream of mine for a long time. Even more specifically, I've wanted to record and release one of these works ever since I first performed it during my graduate work, 10 years ago.

This summer, I will be recording Jake Heggie's Eve-Song and Ricky Ian Gordon's Too Few the Mornings Be in collaboration with my friend and pianist Amanda Pfenninger. Both works are near and dear to my heart. I am drawn to the feminist texts by Philip Littell in Eve-Song, which tell the Adam and Eve story from Eve's perspective. In Too Few the Mornings Be, Ricky Ian Gordon has brought to life, eleven poems by Emily Dickinson, conveying a narrative of hope throughout the work.

I am beyond thrilled to team up with PARMA productions for this project. They are a company that supports contemporary music and makes it their mission to create quality recordings that will stand the test of time. As a result of my contract with PARMA, they will be a part of the recording process, post-production work, manufacturing of the physical product, and marketing of the finished album.

This is a large investment of money, but one that I am excited to make. Not only am I looking forward to advancing my career by making a mark as a singer and advocate for contemporary American art music, but also as a way to contribute to the existing cannon of recorded contemporary classical vocal music.

As a way to help make this project a reality, I've launched a Kickstarter campaign to help fundraise a portion of the costs. The funds raised through this Kickstarter will directly help to cover the costs of my recording session including the hall rental, recording engineer, producer, pianist, and piano tuning.

I'm extremely excited about this investment I'm making in myself and career, and now, I'd like to ask you to consider being a part of this project as well.

Donating to the creation of this album is a tangible way to help support the arts. There are not a lot of grants available for projects like this. Many of the existing grants require an affiliation with a university or a school. Many other artists raising money for projects like this, might turn to city or state arts councils. Kansas is one of the few states that does not have an arts council. The city of Wichita does have an arts council, but they don't fund projects like this.

So, this is where you, Support of the Arts, can step forward and make a difference in the life of an artist. This is what supporting the arts can look like at a very personal level. Would you consider investing in this project, and me, and help reach my goal of $5000? 

You can visit this link below to donate.


There are some fun incentives at different donation levels, so please give the site a look.

Even if you can't contribute money, sharing this link with your friends and family on Facebook or email is wonderfully helpful as well.

SHE will be released March 2018.

I'm beyond excited to share it with you all.

Snapshot

Just as dinner was ready, Ruby and Maia were given a time out for fighting (a discipline they've perhaps outgrown, but the babyish-ness sometimes brings home the point rather nicely) and Ruby had started dinner in a bad mood. When the girls asked for dessert, my first mistake was pulling the marshmallows out the of bag instead of letting Ruby do it. In doing so, I withdrew 12 mini-marshmallows instead of the typical 10. I pointed this out to Ruby with hopes the extra 2 marshmallows would change her emotional course. It didn't quite go as I planned.

"Can I have 13?"

I swear when this kid sees the boundary, she is biologically wired to see if it will move. I said no, which was the momentum she needed to deliver a full blown tantrum. Having taught 14 lessons that day and in no mood to negotiate, I started clearing the dishes and went into the kitchen.

Aleks joined me shortly and over Ruby's cries, told me that she had looked him straight in the eye and stuffed all the marshmallows in her mouth while she continued to scream. We were laughing over the absurdity, when Ruby's cries changed from anger to panic. She ran into the kitchen with a mouth full of bloody marshmallows and a front tooth all askew.

"Spit those into my hand" I encouraged, as she hiccoughed back sobs. As I moved to wash my hands, Aleks grabbed a paper towel and pulled out her tooth causing the screaming to resume. Since the tooth was lost a bit prematurely, blood was slowly trickling out of her mouth. I handed Ruby another paper towel and she held it to her gums.

I pulled Ruby into a hug and felt her little body shake. Between the tantrum and trauma of the lost tooth, there had been a lot of chemicals firing through that little body. It took her a good 15 minutes to calm down. By the time we headed up to bed, she was exploring the new space in her mouth and speaking with an adorable little lisp.

Did I mention we keep the marshmallows in the freezer?

This kid challenges me like nothing else ever has. She is also such a light in my life. Her interpersonal meter is off the charts. She is immediately good at almost everything she tries. She has the best legs, muscular and long. She gives warm, firm hugs, is quick to make us laugh, and is extremely bright. She is also a lot like me.

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Things Maia has said to me this past week:

1. On Tuesday I was teaching at home and Maia had come in from playing outside. She walked from the kitchen and through the music room with her nose in a book. As she passed between the piano and my student, heading for the stairs, she said "Good day sir."

2. As I was folding laundry, Maia walked into the bedroom said, "Whacha doin'? I'm just groovin'" and walked out.

3. After her final basketball game yesterday Maia said, "There are 2 things we need to work on. 1) stealing the ball 2) passing the ball 3) getting rebounds."

4. The 2nd graders dissected a cow's eyeball last week. Maia was very stressed about the whole thing, but she did learn a lot about the eye. Her class has been talking about science and one night at dinner Maia said "What if Ruby and I are the first scientists in the family?" I immediately said "that would be amazing! What can I do to help you?" As much as I love my musical family, I think it would be wonderful to have a scientist in the mix.

I don't see Maia as much now that she's in school all day and then has her nose buried in a book when she gets home. She doesn't seem to need me as much as her sister. However, she is such a wonderfully weird and amazing child. It's hard to remember the colicky hell she put us through during the first 9 months of her life.

Maia is agreeable and kind. She is logical and matter-of-fact. She loves to read and is just beginning to say she's a tomboy. In fact the other day the girls were talking about makeup and Maia said, "I'm not a makeup girl. I'm more into sweating and basketball." Ruby immediately took offense and said "I wish I had a different sister. Maia doesn't like beautifulness!" The girls are still best friends and are continuing to learn how to respect and listen to each other.

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It's hard to write an update about Aleks. Our lives have been busy and full I feel like we haven't connected in awhile. We should plan a date night.

Honestly, recording our podcast has been a really great thing for our relationship. It's forced us to sit and focus just on the conversation at hand . I've really enjoyed the process and getting to know each other in a different way after 13 years of marriage.

We've got two more "What Makes?" episodes airing this season. Tomorrow's episode is "What Makes a Good Apology?" and I talk with a special guest. It's a great episode and I hope you can tune in. Our last episode is "What Makes Great Sex?" We've yet to record this last one; it's felt a little intimidating. I'm sure it will be funny. Or not. It may just be awkward. Why is sex so complicated?

You can check out our first season at www.whatmakespodcast.com.

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In the past 5 months, I can recall two separate times when I was so scared/nervous to try something new, I almost cried.

The first was getting into a handstand at a CrossFit workout. I wasn't sure if my arms were strong enough to hold up my body and was worried that I would fall onto my head and mess up my neck. I was kind of hemming and hawing and I looked my coach in the eye and "I have three gigs coming up in the next few weeks. Are you sure I can do this?" She said "yes, you can" and with that I was upside down against a wall.

The second happened this weekend when I went to my first dance call.  It wasn't pretty. Well, all the other young, flexible dancers who could do the combination in the correct order were beautiful, but what I did in my group of four was not exactly that. Some of my students kept saying, "but you had fun, right?" and actually no, it was not fun. It was terrifying.

Both those things felt risky. There was a certain element of physical danger in the first and a potential damage to my pride and reputation in the second.

What I've learned from doing new, scary things is that it is an important and necessary step in self improvement. By putting myself in situations where I am massively uncomfortable, I have made dramatic investments in my ability to empathize.

I wish the moral of my stories were: do something scary and succeed immediately!

However, I'm still scaling my handstand with head cushions. My arms still wobble and I support more of my body weight on my head than I probably should. I don't think I'll see any immediate casting results from the audition I took this weekend.

What I have gained however, is the knowledge that I can do scary things. As I get older I realized several things:

1. The doing of whatever it is you are attempting is 80% of the journey.
2. Allowing myself to take risks gets harder each year.
3. Surrounding myself with a loving, gracious tribe has become incredibly important. My CrossFit family is always encouraging and excited for each other and any small steps forward. I was overwhelmed this weekend by the support of my friends and students who, after watching my Instagram story, sent me texts and messages of support.

I'll leave you with one last thought:
I truly believe that vulnerability creates bridges between people. In my experience, coming from a place of vulnerability and authenticity has always been met with kindness and grace.

So, go out there and try new, scary things and know that we're all rooting for you to succeed!

Life after grad school

Lately I've been thinking about the things I’ve learned since finishing grad school.

Everything my teachers told me is simultaneously irrelevant and completely applicable. Of course in reality, things aren’t really that black and white. However, often professors have certain opinions about your personality and repertoire and your look and you end up getting put into a box based on a few subjective opinions. Once we get into the real world, that box is stripped away and it’s up to you to figure out what you want to sing and what you sound good singing. When you’re in school, it’s so easy to believe there is only one path to a successful career and I think a lot of professors do their students a disservice by feeding into that mentality. With my own students, I consciously work to acknowledge the subjectivity of everything. Now, what your teachers tell you about breathing and vowels and warming up, etc.? That stuff is golden. Hold on to that.

School stress doesn’t ever go away, it just takes on a new form. Yesterday I was hired to sing an early afternoon program for a social club here in town. In the morning I went to volunteer in my daughter’s kindergarten class like I do each week. When that was over (and I was again reminded how teachers are angels who work on earth) I came home to warm up and get dressed. After the recital I got home just in time to get my kids off the bus. I then taught 3 lessons, after which I made dinner and dealt with all the chores that come with having school-aged kids. I look back fondly on my grad school days and think how “easy” things were. I could have a leisurely workout on the day of a performance and a long, slow warm-up. School is such a great place to make the mistakes that help you grow into a mature artist and colleague with minimal consequences. Once you’re out of school, missed appointments or skipping a day of work doesn’t just result in a bad grade, they either have to be made up or ultimately end up costing you money.

Just showing up and doing the thing is 80%. It’s amazing to see how many adults (myself included) get sucked into the day-to-day drudgery of chores and work. Once you’re out of school, bills still have to be paid and for most of us, our art doesn’t become a primary source of income right away. Once you start “adulting” it becomes increasingly difficult to record and release the cd, or do the recital, or send out the applications/auditions for gigs. I keep telling myself, just do it. Don’t get caught up in perfection: getting it out there is more than half the battle.

Know your audiences. I love to sing recitals. Outside of academia, a classical voice recital is a hard sell. When you’re a student, you have a built-in audience; your classmates and professors have to come. When you’re a professor it’s the same deal: your students and colleagues will attend. This fall has marked my first experience not being affiliated with a university and it has been a wonderful learning experience. Eight years ago I finished my terminal degree and I am so grateful to be in a position where I am being paid to sing recitals. However, the groups who are hiring me are not academic types and some are not even specifically classical music lovers. Through trial and error and lots of thought, I’ve started to understand what makes a successful recital for my audiences here in Wichita. What we sing and study in school doesn’t necessarily translate to what the paying public wants to hear.

You should know how to program a concert/recital and make good photocopies. Once you’ve graduated and are out there performing, you need to have resources to help with recital programming. Things to think about are your audience, your own vocal endurance, variety, and space. Once you’ve programmed the concert, you need to know how to format a program in the event you are required to provide one. Logically thinking, it becomes important to know how to use your printer or establish a relationship with a copy center. Do research on cost and how to make the programs look good without using color copies (those are expensive!). You don’t want to eat too far into your profit.

Find a pianist whom you can trust and is a good collaborator. When you’re in school, often your pianist works at your school or other students at the school full time. If you stay in the area after graduation, chances are your accompanist will be willing to continue a working relationship, for pay of course. However, if you end up moving finding someone who plays well is important, but finding a trustworthy pianist who knows how to communicate is invaluable.

Get to know yourself. The older I get, the more I start to understand what makes me tick. Knowing what I enjoy, how I deal with conflict, and what energizes me are all things that help me in my personal life, but more importantly, make me a better performer, teacher, and colleague. It’s also really important to find something that you enjoy outside of music.

I'm sure there are countless other things I've learned, but the next thing on my to-do list is calling me!

An open letter to my students

Dear Students,

We have just less than a month of the semester remaining. I thought it might be a good time to remind you of something that can get lost in the stress and busyness that seems to peak at this time.

I am on your team! I want you to succeed! I want you to be happy!

This semester has been weird. Many of us have been overwhelmed, tired, or burnt out more than we might usually be. It seems we started the semester exhausted, instead of refreshed and eager. But look at us! We pulled through. Here we are at the end, auditions and recitals and juries in sight.

You guys are doing awesome. I have pushed you and expected more from some of you than I have in the past. There has been more tension than usual in lessons. It hasn't been fun for either of us at times. However, you have stuck with it. You have persevered and are growing as singers, musicians, and young adults.

College is a hard. The classes can be challenging and time consuming. Many of you are putting yourselves through college, having to work before, after, and in-between classes to support yourselves. Furthermore, you are in this precarious place of having one foot in lingering childhood and one foot in approaching adulthood. I fully acknowledge that waking up to get to class on time is a huge victory. I also expect you to strive for the discipline that makes you get your butt out of bed on time each day.

Just like many of you, I supported myself through college. I taught piano lessons and had a church job all throughout my undergrad. I didn't have significant financial help from my parents. I didn't take out any loans, but relied on scholarships and work to get me by. I tell you this so that you know I understand what you are going through. I've been there and I'm on the other side in one piece, and happy!

This semester has been hard for me personally and professionally. I have questioned the practicality and worthiness of continuing work at WSU. I have felt alone and completely powerless in the face of your busy schedules. The teaching and learning that happens in my studio must be a collaboration between us and many times this semester I have felt that I was the only one showing up, ready to work. Without cooperation from you, there is only so much I can do. The work load must be split 50/50.

In today's society, we are often too overly concerned with outcomes. How we perform or the finished product is stressed as the most important thing. While I agree that a high quality finished product is essential, as an instructor at a liberal arts college, it is equally important to me that I help you to find a process and technique for your craft. Which is why so often in lessons I ask you "how was that different?" "how can you replicate that sound on your own?" or "what did that feel like?". I want you to know how to get to that finished product on your own. I want to help you to think critically and be curious about the process.

I care about you all so very much. My husband often tells me that he thinks I do not need to be as emotionally invested in my job as I am. However, you guys are the reason I stick around. The pay for an adjunct here at WSU is unconscionable. I tell you this to let you know how important to me you are. It's because of you that I've stuck with it.

I have everything to gain from you succeeding. Each well sung performance, audition, and job acquired is a win for me as well. With that in mind, everything I do and say in lessons is because I think it will help you become a better singer.

I am your biggest fan.

I can't do this alone. Let's push through and work hard, together, for these last few weeks. Show me that you care about the process. Let's strengthen your wings and get you to soar. What do you say? You guys in?

Yours,
Emily

The start of summer: I'd give it a B+

It's been ages since I've sat down to write and life has been full during my online absence.

Once classes at the university were over, I immediately started painting. Judging from the paint cans in our basement (left by the previous owners) it's been 7 years since any room has been painted. Now that Aleks has tenure, it's time to take some ownership of this house and I'm hoping to paint the entire interior within this year. Summer is a good time to get a lot of it done.

I painted our bedroom in the fall and in the last month have completed the remaining upstairs bedrooms. We decided to move Ruby into the craft room and so for a week our house was in total chaos. My timing is really something. I finished putting together the two rooms the day I left for Washington.

The old craft room/color.

New color/Ruby's room.

Ruby's old room (with the old color) about 3 years ago before the big girl bed.

New color/craft room/office.

At the end of May I headed to the tri-cities in Washington to sing with the Mid Columbia Symphony. I got to sing my first Beethoven 9 and Bruckner Psalm 150. My friend Nick Wallin conducts the orchestra and does an amazing job getting a high quality performance with just a week of rehearsals. It was a thrilling experience to sit on stage in front of the orchestra and hear such a masterpiece in this way. Not only was it a rewarding musical experience, but I also met some extraordinarily warm and lovely people.

It also didn't hurt that there are some beautiful wineries and wine in the area.

The week I got back the girls attended princess camp, which was basically an introduction to ballet and tap classes, while learning to be princess-y. Or whatever. Obviously, because they are a typical 4 and 6 year old, they loved it.

Personally, I couldn't get enough of their leotards and buns.

The week ended in a coronation, so just FYI, Maia and Ruby are real princesses now.

And when everyone played freeze dance, they wasted no time finding each other to waltz together. It makes me so happy to know they will always have a dance partner.

Our transition into summer hasn't been seamless. The girls were absolute terrors the first two weeks: not listening, sassy, and disobedient. It wasn't fun. Thankfully, the past week has been much better. They've remembered how to play together and be respectful and find a rhythm in our less structured days. We've been able to spend some time at the pool and have made lots of trips to the library. Maia is devouring the Junie B. Jones books.

If you listen to the national news, I'm sure you've caught wind of the mess Kansas is in right now. I read this article, which I feel is easy to read and sums things up nicely. My emotional welfare is not usually affected by politics, but I've found myself feeling quite sad this past week.

On Thursday my grandfather was flown out on an honor flight to DC to be honored for his service in WWII. My aunt Annie was able to go with him and posted this on her instagram account:

I admit that I come from a long line of educators and may be biased, but my heart just breaks over the respect and treatment our teachers and schools receive here in Kansas. Not to mention the poor and lower middle class. Something has to change. I'm confident it won't be this way forever, but it sure doesn't make the humid midwest summer any easier to stomach.

A silver lining is that the girls and I are headed to Arizona next week to see my family and soak up some sun in the pool. Be warned: I'm sure my social media will be flooded with pictures of my girlies with their cousins. It's gonna be cute!

Here's hoping your summer is off to a great start!

Cold Sassy Tree

I'm one week post-Cold Sassy Tree. I've been falling asleep extremely early and slowly catching up on getting the household together.

When I agreed to help out and sing this role, I had no idea how much I would fall in love with Love Simpson. Furthermore, the music just happened to fit my voice like a glove. If I could travel around the country and sing this role for the next 20 years, I would jump at the chance.

That being said, here are a couple of things I am not going to miss:

1. pin curls- they take forever to do and my hair is cray cray when the bobby pins come out.

2. Corsets and elaborate costumes- by far the most stressful part of this production was remembering all my accessories and costume pieces.

And here are some of the things I loved:

Love Simpson and her new daughters.

"Rented rooms in boarding houses..."

"Come on Grandma and sit by me!"

"Loma dear...he's deeded it all to me!"

"Clayton! Take your hands off me!"

"And then, and then he ravished me!"

"to me you're the most fair of face..."

"It's lovely, just lovely!"

"No!" (A high C, exquisitely timed, quite possibly one of my favorite moments)

"Old Rucker Lattimore has gone to his grave, but we're still glad to be alive!"

 Like I said on Facebook, it's been a wild, beautiful ride. I'm grateful for the experience and for all I've learned through this process. It will always hold a special place in my heart. Now, onward and upward!

Grateful

Earlier this week Ruby was completely exhausted and as a result turned into a belligerent terror. Rather than succumbing to a nap she decided to fight it with her whole being, thrashing her tiny body all over the bed while screaming and yelling. It looked so absolutely ridiculous, that I began to giggle. She looked at me and started to get offended, but on the scale of outrage expression, there was nowhere for her to escalate. Instead, as if a switch was flipped, she stopped screaming, scooted close to me and settled in for a nap.

As we lay there on her bed, in a quiet house, I could hear snow dripping from the roof softly and steadily. The sun was streaming though the windows creating a patch of warmth on the floor. Both Ruby and I were restored in that moment.

I've always wanted to be a mom. At an early age I felt my destiny would be fulfilled when I had children of my own. Just barely an adult, I got married three months after college graduation. Had it not been for my level headed husband, I would have started popping out kids in the middle of grad school. Instead, we waited 5 years until we had 2 masters, a doctorate, and an artist diploma between us.

While I unfailingly felt certain about my personal and familial path, there has always been fuzziness surrounding my career. I haven't ever experienced an audition season: flying to a major US city to sing for opera companies, young artist programs, and summer institutes. I didn't get a doctorate, which keeps me from being eligible to apply for 90% of tenure track university jobs. 

So, here I am (living in Kansas!) with 3 degrees in music, a husband (his career is taking off by the way), 2 children (whom I adore), and a fledgling career whose path I'm making up along the way.

On bad days, I am full of despair. There seems to be no advancement, unless I'm willing to spend the money and time to audition and/or go back to school for my doctorate. While these are a possibility, I'm not sure I want to ask my family to make the sacrifices those actions would require.

On good days I feel as if I have the best of both worlds. I occasionally get paid to sing, I teach dedicated, serious music students at a university with world renowned opera singers as colleagues, I volunteer at my kids' schools, and I even sometimes have a chance to sew or read or paint the walls in my house. 

The older I get, the easier it is to appreciate what I have, rather than feel bad about what I haven't accomplished.

Moments of stillness and quietude are few and far between this spring. My work load has increased significantly as I am stepping in to sing in WSU's production of Cold Sassy Tree. The role I'm singing is quite large and the score is extremely difficult. It would be so easy for me to feel constantly overwhelmed. There is no room in my life for things like a broken washing machine and unexpected doctor's appointments, much less tantrums over how a pair of socks "doesn't feel right."

But the thing that makes life difficult right now (all the rehearsals and time spent learning this *almost* impossible score) is such a luxury. It's been a long time since I've been able to allow myself this much time to work consistently on a project. And further, I don't have to be in charge!

I'm getting to be a student again, but with better vocal technique, more wisdom, and some life experience behind me. 

I have lots to say about learning a contemporary score and about growing as a performer and actor as a faculty member among students and how my family has been impacted by all this, but maybe I'll talk about those things in another post.

Mostly, I just want to say what an overwhelming sense of gratitude I have felt in the past few weeks. It has turned out that this role fits my voice like a glove. I'm very grateful about this, since I never truly know how a role will feel until I've sung it for a while. The students are kind and generous with me and so much fun. How thankful I am to be surrounded by interesting young people in my work environment. My mother in law is able to be here for two months to help take care of the kids and pick up the slack caused by my added work load. There will never be enough words to express what a gift that is to us.

I've always tried to hold things with an open hand, but this one is hard. I want to close my fist and hold on tightly. I don't know when I'll have the opportunity to sing a role like this again and that knowledge makes this experience all the more sweet.

I'm sure as we get closer to curtain (April 9-12) I'll be posting lots of pictures on Instagram and updates on Facebook. Feel free to follow along with me if you're interested! In the meantime, if you're local and want to hear me sing something a little more melodious, I'll be singing as the guest vocalist with The Priests as their tour takes them through Wichita. (click here for a link to buy tickets.)

*In case you were wondering, our washing machine got fixed after a week of being out of commission. We were all on our last pairs of underwear. I finally went in to immediate care to get some antibiotics because I was too busy to see my doctor during regular office hours. Ruby got some new socks (see first sentence about the broken washing machine) and has ceased complaining about how they feel. Life is good. Complicated, but good.