Twelve!

It's that time of year again; the streets in our neighborhood are packed with cars of students at the university finding free parking. The start of school usually means cool mornings and warm days. The kids come through the door, sweaty from the bus and walk home.

The beginning of the school year also means Ruby's birthday. It's a month filled with promise and possibilities. 

Ruby's birth was a quick affair, a planned cesarean, in which so many things went wrong. The anesthesiologist had a hard time getting my spinal in; he kept hitting nerve endings, making me jump. When he finally got it in the correct spot, the epidural hit and my blood pressure dropped quickly; I threw up and almost passed out. Then, during the surgery, it was discovered that a large group of veins had formed under my previous c-section scar and when the doctor went to cut Ruby out, I started bleeding. A lot. They had to pull Ruby out very quickly and work to get the bleeding under control. As a result, Ruby had a hard time breathing on her own and spent the first 8 hours of her life hooked up to oxygen in the nursery. Of course, I couldn't walk to go see her in the nursery, due to the epidural, so had to rely on stories and pictures from Aleks.

Needless to say, when they finally brought her to my room, I cuddled Ruby on my chest and we remained that way until discahrged. That time in the hospital was dreamy. I had a sweet, sleepy newborn on my chest, nurses to bring me food, no dishes or laundry to do, and my toddler at home was being cared for.

It took Ruby two and a half years to find her voice. After a colicky first born, I thought I had hit the jackpot with a baby that actually didn't cry all the time. Joke was on me; she was just biding her time. We had a tough couple of years figuring each other out, but eventually got there and learned how to communicate effectively.

The thing is, Ruby just feels everything deeply. And when she's feeling something, she wants you to feel that way too. Ruby has taught me that I can't help people unless they want to be helped. She reminds me that even though responsible, mature people can handle a lot, it doesn't mean they should be expected to. 

Today Ruby turns 12. She got curtain bangs before school started and is wearing jeans instead of leggings. She is playing cello in the 6th grade orchestra and continues to play piano. She is passionate and kind. Responsible and disciplined. Funny and smart. To know Ruby is to love her.

Happy birthday dearest girl! The world is a brighter place because of you.

Thirteen!

A few month ago we were all in the car and Maia said "Mom, explain to Ruby what 69 means."

Taken aback, Aleks and I looked at each other and said "wait, do you know what it means?"

Maia said, "Yeah! Well, no, I mean, I know it's a funny number like 420."

I think that probably sums up the 7th grade pretty well.

   

When I was pregnant with Maia I remember thinking, "I just hope she isn't boring." Well, we have been everything but bored for the past 12 years.

Today my oldest becomes an official teenager, that coveted age for most girls, 13. I feel like we've entered a time warp; the next 5 years are going to fly by.

We have asked a lot of Maia this year. It's been challenging for everyone. Her stable and predictable life was upended right in the middle of a physically and emotionally tumultuous time.

Throughout all the change, Maia's humor and steadfastness has remained in tact. It's been an honor to watch her grow and navigate all that comes her way.

 

My darling girl has an unyielding sense of justice. She is a fiercly loyal friend and sister (unless you enter her room without asking for permission). Maia continues to be a voracious reader and takes at least 2 books to school with her each day. She has a quirky sense of humor and is learning comedic timing.

We just love this kid of ours. If you know her, you probably do, too.

Happy 13th birthday Maia! 

Season's Greetings from us to you

Eleven!

This year, I finally learned the lesson that Ruby has been trying to teach me her whole life. 

It's ok for her to feel all her feelings.

I think it took me 11 years to learn this lesson because the intensity of Ruby's feelings is quite powerful. It goes against all instinct to allow her fire to burn without trying to put it out.

Once I stopped looking at the fire and instead, into the source, I see that the fire hasn't consumed her. In fact, it's refining her into an amazing young woman.

This has been a big year for her, for us all. COVID, a big move, new everything. I'm humbled by her maturity and ability to be uncomfortable. Granted, she's not always quiet about the discomfort, but she doesn't run away from it.

Happy 11th birthday, my darling. 

I love getting to know you better and better each year.

Pandemic Check-in; Day ???

This week in Wichita, temps are stuck below freezing and it's not projected to warm up anytime soon.

I feel like I'm living in a loop. Wake up in the dark, work in a room without windows, come home to chores and dinner as it gets dark before we eat. Then fall asleep in front of the tv and do it all again 8 hours later.

This Groundhog Day effect is something I've come to expect this time of year, but add 10 months of a pandemic prior to the winter doldrums, and it just hits differently.

Our whole family got COVID the week after Thanksgiving (no idea where it was contracted: we've all fully recovered, and didn't expose anyone else) and so we've got antibodies to protect us through March. While chances are we're immune from the virus for 90 days, we may still be able to carry trace amounts and infect other people and so our pandemic lifestyle remains largely unchanged.

One of the only things keeping me going this winter is my husband. He just lights up a room, bringing energy back into this wintery void. For whatever reason, the pandemic has made us closer, when it so easily could have gone the other way.

I'm also grateful for our ability to cook good food at home, a large house that gives us all get the space we need, a steady job, and a middle schooler who is responsible enough to handle remote/hybrid learning.

Be it the pandemic, or winter, or something yet to be defined, the Sternfeld-Dunn family is itching for a change. I don't think a remodeled bathroom is going to do it this time. I've been patient before. Dreamed of change. Looked through Zillow. I'm familiar with this feeling. It never gets easier.

However, maybe because of this past year, I know now, more than ever, I can be content anywhere. Especially because of my weird, funny, loving little family.

May

This morning I ripped off April from our wall calendar and announced "It's May!"

Maia barely looked up from the book she was reading and said, "May Day. Did you know that boys used to plant a pole in the yard of the girls they liked?"

And then Ruby chimed in "Mom, has a boy ever planted his pole in your yard?"

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One of our new quarentine routines is to walk our dog first thing in the morning. Usually it's just Ruby and I. I've noticed the transition from sweatshirts and jackets to t-shirts over the past month. Summer is just around the corner.

This morning she said "I really like quarentine. We're not busy all the time and we actually get to spend time with you and Dad."

I asked "Is there anything you miss that you can't do because of shelter in place?"

"No, not really. I miss seeing my friends, but that's it."

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I miss the anticipation of seeing my kids get off the bus and then having their energy fill the house as they dump all their school gear on the floor and race to go to the bathroom and get a snack. I miss the feeling of freedom, of having choices. I miss a barbell (not snatches) and the comraderie of working out with friends.

I know more of my neighbors' names now. I've spent more time outside this spring than I ever have since living in Kansas. We eat dinner together every night. Ruby and I read a long chapter book together. The girls are playing (and fighting) together more than they usually do. Maia will be entering middle school next year, and in a way, I feel like we've gotten to hit pause and enjoy her childhood a bit longer.

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There are days that are hard and days that are easier. Working fills me with purpose and simultaneously leaves me drained. Teaching online is harder. I'm noticing that some of the emotional struggles I feel are not unique to this pandemic, which gives me perspective on how to keep growing as a human.

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Aleks shaved his sideburns last night. He couldn't handle the growing "pubes" on the side of his face. He thinks it looks ok.

Hair grows back. And barpershops will open again one day.

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I was extremely eager to rip March down from my calendar. April has passed so quickly. It reminds me of the baby years; each day drags and drags, yet the months fly by.

May's little boxes are empty this morning. I'm hesitanat to make plans. To set expectations that may not be met.

I think what helps me is to stay in the moment. I have a family I like, an awesome house, plenty of food, my job. One thing at a time.

Happy May Day, friends.

How are you doing?

Everyone doing ok?

I ripped March off our family calendar, a day early. April is all filled out, full of hope. It's amazing how full those little boxes are, in spite of all that's been cancelled.

Here in Kansas, we just started 30 days of shelter at home.

So much change and uncertainty is overwhelming.

Saturday was hard for Ruby.

Today was hard for me.

In the past few weeks I have been so proud of everyone in our community. The teachers in our district, the professors at the university, our neighbors, the grocery workers, the mail carriers.

So many adjustments have been made. The reslience I see from everyone is astounding.

I know this isn't forever and that we just need to each day as it comes. Stay in the moment. Be grateful for full refrigerators and good health.

It felt good to make plans for April. To write here after a long hiatus. The ritual of washing dishes and tidying the house helps.

I'm proud of you all. For doing your best. For feeling your feelings.

We can do this.

Here's a picture of the girls from today. Enjoy.

Thanksgiving 2018: DC edition

This year for Thanksgiving we decided to do something totally out of the norm for our family. We took the girls out of school for two days, met Aleks in Washington DC and spent the week walking, visiting as many museums as we could handle, and having some much needed, concentrated family time. The girls are at a wonderful age for adventuring and this experience made me realize how important it is to travel as a family.

Here's why I think it's important for kids to travel:

We all try new things.
Maia tried 6 new foods on this trip. Granted, they were mostly 6 different bread based foods, but for her it was a really big step forward.

(Here she is eating not a new food, but one of her favorite treats.)

We are made more grateful for what we have.
Using public transportation and living in a basement apartment for 5 days made me aware of how fortunate we are to have such a huge house and live in a place that is so affordable and easy to get around (if you have a car).

Seeing new sights is inspiring.
So many things in DC are asthetically pleasing to look at. The columns outside the reptile house at zoo had carved stone turtles at their base. The Natural History Museum's stone steps were concave from decades of feet that had used them. The row houses in different colors were a feast for the eyes. Ruby kept saying "this is so facinating!" And of course, all the art. The National Portrait Gallery was beyond inspiring (even though my kids were over. it. at this point).

We see outside ourselves.
One of my kiddos asked "why are there so many people here with dark skin?" It made me realize that it's my responsibility to give them the chance to experience places and people that are different from what we know day to day.  I'm doing a disservice to my children if I don't help them see outside themselves and the privelege into which they've been born. Traveling helps them to see beyond our little land locked midwest island and will hopefully grow their empathy and keeps their minds open.

We are made uncomfortable and then have the opportunity to grow.
Walking in the cold, using public transportation, and having limited resources all can be uncomfortable. But because of these things, my kids increased their body awareness, how to walk in a crowd, mastered escalator ettiquette, and improved their capacity for patience.

She decided she was done walking and plopped down while waiting for the light to change. Not pictured: the cars zipping by 2 feet away from the curb.

And to be transparent, I fully recognize that we are beyond priviledged to be able to travel as a family of four and that it's not possible for everyone. Add it to the list of things for which I'm thankful!

We hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Love, Us

Happiest of Holidays

This year the house has remained a bit dirtier than usual. The carpets often have bits of fuzz or lint dotting the 20 year old fibers. When looking at our dresser at just the right angle, you can see a thorough, delicate coating of dust. The windows need washing and the basement is a constant American Girl disaster zone.

The cleanliness of our house is perhaps a testament to the busyness of our lives, but more accurately, I believe it is a reflection of our shift in priorities. This year, more than any other, we have made a conscious effort to take care of ourselves and of each other.

We've had a great year, with lots of career accomplishments and the girls' continual growth in every part of their lives. And yet, I am most proud that our little unit keeps working to communicate and encourage each other. There are days when we aren't successful and it's a constant process: learning how to best love each other. But hopefully how we treat each other as a family will translate to our relationships outside the home and maybe those interactions will be the spark that encourages others to extend grace to those around them.

We head into the new year, with the same resolution: showing kindness to all in what we say and do. May 2018 bring you peace and love. And, if you don't mind a little extra dust, there's always a bed and a hot cup of coffee for you here in Wichita.

Summer Vacation 2016: Part 3 of 3- That Snowbird Life

There's not much in my life that has stayed consistent. Excluding my family, there are very few people that I still know from my youth. There isn't a childhood house to come home to during holidays, I don't run into my 4th grade teacher at the grocery store, and I'm very good at getting close to friends and then having to say goodbye 5 years later.

This week I realized that the one thing that has been consistent throughout my life are the family reunions up in the Wasatch mountains. I've been coming to Snowbird my entire life.

No wonder this week holds such a special place in my heart. Up at 8,000 feet above sea level where the air is thin, my mom's family comes together to hike, swim, talk, eat, and have a talent show.

This is the second time Maia and Ruby have come to a Snowbird reunion, but it was really the first time they experienced it as kids, not toddlers. Things have changed over the years. The arcade has been turned into a game room with foosball, ping pong, and pool tables. The center has expanded their activity offerings from one Alpine slide, to a "roller coaster" and several other rides.

And just like the resort changes a bit each year, so do we. There have been birthdays (we got to celebrate 2 this past week!) and career changes and heartbreak and triumphs, all of which shape us into the people we are now.

This one week, every other year, gives us a chance to reconnect and learn each other all over again. Our friendships are renewed and solidified. We rejoice and cry together. We share laughs and music. But mostly we just enjoy each other.

Wifi on the mountain is sometimes touchy, which makes it easy to really let go of the stresses and pressures of real life.

My cousin lives in Salt Lake and hosted our biennial family reunion talent show. The front lawn was swarming with little girls doing gymnastics, while the adults gathered to talk inside, surrounded by instruments, arcade games, a baby, and a few teenagers. 

My dearest cousin (closest thing to a sister I ever had) came from the UK with her gorgeous child and while we watched our daughters do cartwheels while drinking beers it was just a dream come true. We even sang a duet together for the talent show. I might share it with you, if you ask nicely.

These are most of the Pappas great grandchildren. (There are 4 more!)

And my generation. (Photo by Ruby)

Did I mention my cousin collects old arcade games? And lives in a renovated frat house? My sweet nephew was smitten with the transformer he found.

And can I mention again that we had a talent show? My sister in law whispered to me, "we could sell tickets to this thing!"

Living at 8,000 feet for a week is no joke. After Aleks and I had been there for several days and my brothers had joined us, we all decided to tackle the mountain. We hiked about 4 1/2 miles and ascended 3,000 feet to the summit of the mountain. It took awhile, but we all felt quite proud of our accomplishment and Kodi (7 months) handled it like a champ.

Being with extended family for a full week in a beautiful location is such a gift. The experiences we share and memories we make knit us together more strongly.

To my family: Take care of yourselves, love fiercely, and know that we'll see each other again soon on the mountain.

Until next time. xoxo

Summer Vacation 2016: Part 2 of 3- I left my heart in SF

I'm writing this while lying in bed in the dark. My daughters finally fell asleep in the bed next to me. I can understand why it took them awhile to unwind; I told them they could have as many desserts as they wanted. It's not everyday you go to your first buffet at a casino. In hindsight, maybe there was another way we could have commemorated our stop in Reno.

We drove east this afternoon and melancholy settled on my shoulders as the bay became farther and farther away. My mood didn't improve as we entered Nevada. I think part of my soul died walking around Circus Circus. I must admit, the dog show did bring a smile to my face. And of course the girls acted like we were at Disneyland.

Aleks and I always leave the Bay Area feeling both like we stayed just the right amount of time and that we barely scratched the surface of people to see and things to do.

Family is always a priority.

It's been ages since I've visited Golden Gate Park and I didn't realize the aquarium was so nice.

I had read about Seward Park and the concrete slides there, so I was surprised and excited to find them at Golden Gate Park as well. It's a miracle more children don't get wounded on this death trap. However, the well used scraps of cardboard left at the bottom of the slides, the dog running up and down the stairs, the gaggle of parents at the bottom watching their kids take a turn, and my kids' delight will forever be etched in my mind.

Tilden Park is always a favorite. It's got everything: steam trains, carousel rides, and ice cream! Pro tip: Find the circular bench on the merry-go-round. It spins like the tea cups at Disneyland.

The Bay Area loves its pizza and ice cream and have figured out how to do them well.

Nana snapped this pic while Aleks and I were on a sushi date. Oh that we lived closer to family. Look how happy they are.

I love how they gravitate toward each other in sleep. Forever entangled, these two.

Riding bikes across the Golden Gate Bridge has become a favorite tradition. This was our third year and as fun as ever. I must say, pulling a 7 year old on a tag-a-long was a challenge. I told Aleks that we need to wait to do this again until our girls can ride their own bikes.

"Are you panting mom? You're just pulling a 7 year old with an adult sized helmut!" This was during a rather intense climb. I really wanted to cuss.

Ice cream with Gramps afterward was well deserved.

"You know mom, I think Ruby and I are starting to get the hang of sharing a bed!"

Tomorrow we drive to Utah where lots of relatives on my side of the family will gather for a biennial family reunion at Snowbird. I have so many good memories from my childhood of this place and my cousins. Driving toward that makes leaving CA just a little easier.