16 years. Our marriage can get its' driver's license!

A few weeks ago, Aleks walked in the door from a long day at work and into chaos. I had finished teaching, was cleaning out backpacks and lunch boxes, trying to get a handle on how the girls were doing, make sure the homework was finished, convince Maia to practice piano, and get dinner on the table.

Ruby was having a crises of some sort; it could have been about stresses at school or just that her shoes didn't feel right, really, either is feasible.

So Aleks walked in to this mess and without missing a beat, sat down and said "Ruby, I'd really like to help you figure this out. What can I do?"

That patience and kindness was the thing that hooked me when we first met in college almost 2 decades ago. And over the last 16 years, Aleks' best qaulities have just deepened and expanded into something beyond what I could have ever imagined.

I thought what I was getting from 22 year old Aleks was pretty good.

The gift that is my husband is so much more than I deserve.

16 years ago we moved into our first apartment.

Which had the infamous "shath" or "bower." The bathroom was built into the eave of the house and so stading in the shower was impossible. Also, any time the toilet ran, which it did about every 5 minutes, the water would turn into boiling, scalding torture.

Look at that cell phone on the kitchen counter. This was before Facebook and the iphone as we know it now.

He's still got those Chuck Taylors.

Marriage is a trip. I definitely don't have it all figured out, but I'm grateful to have a patient, honest man with me on the journey.

Look at those babies.

 Lucky. Grateful. Proud.

Happy anniversary Aleks. 

Here's to so many more years of adventure, laughter, and growth.

15 years!

I'm sure most of the people at our wedding thought we were too young to be getting married. Some family members and friends had told us their opinions outright. Some kept it to themselves. But there were also a few in attendance who believed that we knew what we were doing.

I remember crying as I walked down the aisle (and throughout my vows), not because I was sad or anxious, but instead, overcome with the magnitude of it all. As a result, there are no pictures of me in that moment. I'm not a pretty crier.

I remember an epic toast by my maid of honor Erin who, perfectly balancing humor and love, convinced a few of those doubters that we'd be ok.

(my dad married us *inset heart eyes emoji*)

As my college roommate for 3 years, Erin and I knew each other in ways only roommates can know one another. In particular, and lucky for her, she was aware of my self-diagnosed disorder: P.F.A., otherwise known as Public Farting Anxiety. I refuse to pass gas in front of other people, to the point of causing myself discomfort.

As Erin shared my disorder at our reception with our closest friends and family, she went on to tell about a night I returned home from a date with Aleks. I came into her room and said, "I think he's the one. I farted in front of Aleks tonight."

And here we are, celebrating 15 years of marriage.

Aleks, you're still my favorite person. I hold you in highest esteem, respect you and your opinion, and am constantly overwhelmed by the way you father our children. Actually, I'm not sure we knew what we were doing 15 years ago, because I didn't love you a fraction of what I do now.

There is no better partner for me.

Thank you for being the kind of man who encourages me to let my farts out.

New Roles

It's the last week of August. The kids have been in school for 2 weeks and I'm finally starting to recover from our long, intense summer.

Headed into fall, we are all trying on new roles. Aleks is the new Director of the School of Music at WSU. This new position is something he wanted quite a lot and for which he is very well suited. As his partner, it's exciting and fun to watch him overcome challenges and put into practice so many of his leadership skills.

Maia is now a 4th grader. She is taking on more responsibility by singing in an extracurricular choir, continuing with piano lesson, and taking acro jazz. There is more responsibility and independence in her classroom this year and we're working to expand that into our home life as well.

Ruby is in 2nd grade. She just started competitive soccer and is getting adjusted to the intensity of practices and games. Turns out, I'm one of those parents who yells a lot from the sidelines. And it turns out I know nothing about soccer. After a summer of violin lessons, she's back into piano and showing marked maturity about practicing so far.

For many different reasons (a major one being Aleks' new job which demands more traditional work hours) I have stepped into the role of CEO of household management. After two weeks of stay-at-home work, I am once again struck with what a luxury it is to have a partner who is able to manage all the household affairs. Of course, because I'm me, I'm still working 3 other part time jobs, but I've reduced my private teaching by about 2/3, which leaves me more time to take care of the family.

Now that I have time, one of the things I've taken over are the interactions with our insurance agent, contractor (we're remodeling our bathroom, but more on that another time), piano tuner, auto mechanic, etc.

Which leads me to say: salesMEN of Wichita, y'all are going to have to figure out a different way to interact with this strong, independent woman. Your "hey there little lady" mentality is not going to cut it. And when I call you for clarifications on policies, I am not a "deeply concerned woman." Rather I'm an intelligent customer who is irritated that she has to take time out of her day to get clarification on a matter that should have been explained during our hour long meeting last week. And when I'm matter of fact on the phone and don't want to chat about nonsense, I'm not angry or rude, I've just got stuff to do.

Is this a midwest thing? I don't feel like I was treated this way other places I've lived...

Now that I'm not drowning in work, I'm hoping to resume some of my creative projects. One of them includes writing here on a more consistent basis. Another is that I'm hoping to record another season of our podcast, "What Makes."

I hope your fall is off to a good start and that whether you're working in the home or outside the home, you are finding time to be creative and fulfilled!

Change is coming!

It's my first day off in weeks. I just put a tray of sugar cookie bars into the oven. A treat for the girls, and the time to make them, a treat for me. The whole family has been limping toward the end of the semester, trying to stay just enough ahead so as to not let anything fall between the cracks.

It's a busy time of year for everyone and I know we're not the only ones feeling the spring burn.

About a month ago, I wrote a rather ambiguous post about transitions and finding contentment in uncertainty. What I couldn't say at the time, was that Aleks was a finalist for a position as the director for the school of music at Belmont University in Nashville, TN.

At the same time, we also found out that he was a finalist for the position as the director for the school of music at Wichita State University.

Against our better judgement, we feverishly browsed  Zillow, looking for houses in the Nashville area. I researched schools and neighborhoods, and CrossFit gyms. I mentally made lists of things to pack up first and how to get the house ready to sell.

We gave the girls a heads up and started conversations about what it might feel like to go to a new school.

I felt weepy some days, thinking about leaving the things that have been good for us. Ruby's piano teacher, the girls' elementary school, dear friendships, the simplicity of a smaller town, the general familiarity.

And I felt giddy other days thinking about the things I could leave behind.

Just as the busyness of my SHE promotion was amping up, we found out that Belmont had gone with a different candidate and that same week, Aleks was offered the position at WSU.

The girls shrieked with happiness when we told them the news.

Aleks is very excited about this new job. Since he's worked there for awhile, he understands the culture of the school and its challenges and strengths. He is a skilled leader with an enthusiastic vision for its potential. He is eager to use his position of power to give a voice to minorities and women. It's not going to be easy, but he's going to do a wonderful job and he's ready to dig in.

And as for me. Many of you know that I struggle living here in a place that is so very different from where I grew up.

During my trip to Pullman for SHE promotion, I had the opportunity to see some friends. One wise friend, in talking about her own experience, said "I can be happy anywhere." Really? I asked. Sure, she said with a smile and shrug of her shoulders.

Maybe it was the quiet confidence, or the shrug, but I clearly saw her happiness as a choice, something firmly in her control.

That conversation, coupled with my recent premature mourning of good Wichita things led to this conclusion; I don't need to wait until we move to make my life what I want it to be. Those things I was sad about leaving? I'm going lean into those. And the things I was so eager to leave behind? I can do something about them now.

And so.

Next year is going to look different for all of us. I'm going to teach less. I will be reducing my studio from 35 to 10 (hopefully 8). I will no longer be working on the weekends.

I'll be leaning into a more traditional stay at home role as Aleks won't have the same flexibility to help with the girls in this new position. I'm happy and eager to do this, it's something I'm pretty good at, actually.

I'm going to spend this year recharging my creative battery. I'm so burned out. It's going to feel really weird and it's going to be hard, but I hope that I'm a little bored so that new ideas and inspiration will have room to bud and grow.

It's such a process isn't it? I don't have it all figured out just yet, but I'm committed to keep working at it.

Ah! The bus is here! I'm ready to give my girlies their treat.

Airport thoughts

I'm sitting in the airport during a three hour layover on my way to Washington state. I'm already missing my family, but also starting to feel myself unwind in the way that being removed from your everyday routine can encourage.

Since winter break ended, life has presented Aleks and I with some unexpected challenges. Nothing that is alarming or life shattering, but rather the kind of challenges that sit silently in the corner, biding their time to potentially impact our lives. Or not. Or change things completely. The irony of Lent and this season of life coinciding is not lost on me.

Fourteen and a half years of marriage is a huge advantage, however. Are we still as spontaneous and romantic as we once were? No. But being helpmates to each other in times of stress? Yeah, we know how to travel this road together.

On top of the weird emotional state hovering over our household for the last three months, I have a cd that is being released in April (if you haven't heard). Having never done this before, I didn't realize that this project would not end with last take of the recording session. It has been a wonderful, exciting process and full of decisions and revisions. Most recently, the production company with whom I'm working, has encouraged me to be proactive in the weeks leading up to the release by being more present and vocal on social media. Also, part of the push before the release involves me giving a series of concerts, which have been in the works for months. Former professors, colleagues, and current friends are hosting me at various venues, generously supporting me and album in this way.

I just bring this up, because I'm sure on social media, things may look pretty exciting. And they are. But here's a more realistic picture.

I gave a concert last Friday at a venue about an hour outside of Wichita. When people ask me how it went, I truthfully tell them it went well. I sang to the best of my ability and my pianist/friend and I made some really beautiful, interesting music. What I don't tell most of them is that there were 12 people in the audience, 3 of whom were my family. It was really discouraging.  And even though it wasn't my fault, caused me to feel like a failure.

The next day I was decidedly "blue," but thankfully it was one of those rare Wichita days in which the temperature was perfect AND there was no wind so the girls and I rode our bikes to the park. Sun and movement always lift my spirits.

And there's so much to learn from my kids.

Ruby is incredibly adept at acknowledging the good things in her life. When I rub her back or massage her head, she'll often look up at me and say "that feels good." Or if we're playing a game or building a fort, she'll pause to let me know she's having fun. I want to do more of this in my own life.

Maia lives so utterly in the moment she'll forget what she's saying mid-sentence because she's been distracted by the last piece of popcorn which she has accidentally dropped onto the floor and our dog scrambles to devour. Her room is a gallery of unfinished creative projects (rainbow loom necklaces) amidst piles of books (which she is reading all at once, small ripped pieces of paper serving as bookmarks) adorned with one or more planned outfits for picture day (having been laid out weeks in advance). Her life is so fun and interesting.

I want to live more in the moment. Certainly, there are seasons of life that require thinking ahead and planning. I am currently experiencing an intense period of living in the future. The inside of my brain is like an olympic table tennis match; the balls moving back and forth between tasks and lists almost faster than the human eye can see.

I've been thinking recently about contentment (and happiness? same thing?) and that it might lie in the present. Understanding my place and role in the universe and not looking ahead for more or behind at what has happened helps provide satisfaction with my life.

Since the beginning of February I've been participating in the phenomena that is the Crossfit Open. Basically it's 5 workouts that are announced once a week for 5 weeks and people all over the world do the same workout and post their scores with hopes to advance to the regional games.
(I'm just doing the workouts as part of a internal gym competition, I'm not actually competing in the Open proper.) I did the fourth workout (18.4) on Saturday and currently, the entire area from my lower back to the backs of my knees throbs anytime I lean over. And while its terribly painful and inconvenient, strangely, it makes me happy. Not because I like the pain, but rather what that pain represents. It reminds me that I did a really hard thing and it didn't defeat me.

Which makes me think, could this be a larger metaphor for life? Stress, anxiety, low-self worth. What can those things tell me? Maybe that I'm doing something about which I care very deeply? That this period of uncertainty is helping me find contentment?

As I always tell my students, we often don't learn and grow as fully when things come easily.

Are you still reading? I should send you a signed CD. :)

My flight's boarding in a bit.

Peace to you, my friends.

14 years

14 years looks like a kiss and a "happy anniversary"as he heads to an all day conference and I get on a plane to Phoenix.

It means studying each other's schedules and choreographing the kid swapping and the bag packing that has to happen before each activity.

It looks like random texts throughout the day telling stories of our kids we forgot to share, or reminding one another the garbage needs to go out, or asking if the credit card bill got paid. And the occasional eggplant emoji text.

For us, it looks like fewer dates night, but increased quality of the time we are alone.

Year 14 has been a good one. Some years are easier than others. Year 13 was hard.

How grateful I am to be partnered with someone who doesn't back away from unhappiness, but instead leans into it and figures out how to make it better.

Aleks has changed a lot this year. I have too. We are simultaneously more independent of each other, yet more strongly bonded.

In this 14th year we've learned to listen to each other better and more deeply. The space surrounding our relationship feels more vibrant and energized.

We've worked really hard to build the life we have together. Undoubtedly it is the single thing of which I am most proud.

Each year life seems to become more complex with kids' ballooning schedules, career advances, and  increased household responsibilities. Yet, the one thing that is crystal clear is my partner; I see him and know him.

Happy anniversary, darling. I'm looking forward to the year ahead and all the adventures it will bring.

(Look at those babies!)

Great Bake Off: Showstopper

I know you've all been waiting with bated breath for our final Sternfeld-Dunn Bake Off challenge and a proclaimed winner.

Life became extremely busy and we kept putting off our final challenge. Honestly, I wasn't hopeful that we would actually get it done.

However, my mother in law had a birthday last week and we figured we'd take the opportunity to celebrate her with two "chocolate cakes that show off our chocolate work" while we are visiting.

The girls were very hopeful that our cake creations would take the shape of something other than cake. Knowing my limits, I decided to attempt a vase made of layer cake, with gum paste flowers coming out the top.

I decided to make cake balls out of the scraps and use as decorations.

The candy melts were ok for coating the cake pops, but I think the ones dipped in regular melted chocolate looked prettier.

I experimented with gum paste for the first time and definitely need more practice.

The final product doesn't really look like a vase, but by the end I was so over the entire project and more stressed than the experience merited that I'm just happy it didn't fall over.

The girls kept saying "it looks like the leaning tower of Pisa!"

Aleks made an "ice cream truffle" using layers of cake, ice cream, whipped cream, and ganache. He also made chocolate leaves from a mold.

The girls were very specific that they needed to taste every component.

The inside does look pretty and you can see where I attempted a crumb layer of frosting.

The inside of Aleks' was very pretty too.

The girls took their judging very seriously and took one bite of everything before moving to a different room to confer.

After much deliberation and heated debate, they came back and declared me the winner! Danni, was very diplomatic and said they both tasted and looked good.

So to recap:

Signature Challenge- Emily
Technical Challenge- Aleks
Showstopper Challenge- Emily

Overall best person/baker/champion of everything- Emily

Maia has decided that this will be an annual challenge. Aleks thinks we should do meat next year...

The Great Sternfeld-Dunn Bake Off

A few months ago I became a fan of the Great British Baking Show and binged on season 2 through Netflix.

And then one day a few weeks ago I was feeling run down, needed a break from my demanding children, and so I suggested we watch an episode of the show all together.  A special treat because TV! and it's an hour long! The girls loved it.

As a family we've watched a total of three episodes and just last week Maia had an idea that the two parents should have a bake off. I mean, it's a total no-brainer. Who wouldn't love to be a judge of baked goods? They came up with challenges and presented them for our approval.

Signature challenge: French pastry (we talked them out of making puff, I'm not ready for that)

Technical challenge: chocolate macarons

Showstopper: chocolate cake and as Maia said "it needs to show off your chocolate work."

For the first challenge I decided to make chocolate eclairs. Instead of filling them with pasty cream, I used chocolate whipped cream because I know my judges and I know they wouldn't like pastry cream and I wanted to win.

Filling them was a bit harder than I anticipated. Having the correct tools is essential and I think I needed to use a thinner and longer tip in my piping bag (the middles aren't filled with cream).

Aleks made a crepe filled with nutella.

The girls had a friend over to play that day, so she got to be one of the judges as well.

Unsurprisingly to me, the girls voted that my eclairs were the winner. I mean, I am basically the baker in the family. Although, anything with Nutella is pretty divine.

Two days later we had the technical challenge. Now in the real show, the judges are supposed to provide the recipe, while leaving out a few critical instructions. However, the girls couldn't find a recipe in the cookbooks we already had, so I found one online for us to use.

So. Chocolate macarons. I had made macarons one time before. On this day, Aleks had made his macarons while I was out, and so I came home to see them cooling on the stove top.

There was definitely a bit of pressure as the day was almost over and I needed to get them done. Because I listen to the advice given by Paul Hollywood, I know that resting time for macarons are important.

Instead of baking the sheet trays one at a time, I decided to put them both in and just rotate the pans halfway through. When they came out, I thought they looked pretty good, even if they hadn't risen too well. I'm thinking I over mixed them.

Well, womp womp. They were totally under baked and wouldn't come off the parchment paper easily. I think first of all, that I piped my macarons too big. I should have taken the time to draw equal sized circles on my parchment so that I would have a guide while piping. I think my second mistake was putting both trays in the oven at once. I suppose recipes have instructions for a reason.

The macarons were filled with chocolate ganache. Aleks and I decided to half the recipe, since we only had so much chocolate to melt. The directions said to stick the ganache in the fridge for a half hour and then it would be solidified enough to spread on the cookies. Well, mine was in the fridge for close to an hour and it was still liquid. It was at that point I realized I had only halved the chocolate for the ganache, not the cream or butter.

I was ready to throw in the towel and admit defeat, but Aleks made me put something on the plate.

So, as you might guess, Aleks won the technical challenge. Ruby felt really bad that I didn't win and told me several times that she had to go along with Maia's choice. Bless her little heart.

I'm currently in WI for a performance at the IDRS conference this week, so our show stopper challenge will have to wait until I get back. Ruby is really hoping for a chocolate bear on one of our cakes. I've got a few days to plan something that will knock their socks off.

It's a cliff hanger... who will be crowned the winner?!

Stay tuned.

Father's Day 2017

There was this one summer that I was home from college and my parents had borrowed a car from some friends. My dad was getting ready to return it, but wanted to be sure to give it back in better condition that we had received it.

The year before, I had endured my first summer job as an adult, cleaning cars for Enterprise rentals at the Denver airport, so my dad enlisted my help as an "expert" car cleaner.

We got out the vacuum and the hose attachment and went under the seat and between the cushions. We cleaned the dashboard and the door handles. We got out the windex and cleaned the windows inside and out.

In a half hour, the car looked pretty good to me. It was hot and sunny in the driveway and I was ready to be done. But my dad wasn't finished. He took paper towels to the vents and slid them between the thin slats to get rid of the dust that had gathered. He popped the trunk and vacuumed that as well. He found the spot where loose change gets thrown, took the money out and cleaned the container before putting the change back.

My dad just has a gift for doing more, for always going above and beyond what he's asked to do.

Ask him to take out the garbage and he'll break down the piled up cardboard boxes in the recycling. Put him in charge of dinner and he'll make pasta from scratch. Ask him to take the kids swimming and he'll clean the filter while he's out there.

My dad's servant heart is one of the things I appreciate most about him. And it has shaped my interactions with the world.

Happy Father's Day Dad. Thanks for investing in me and always giving me more than I deserve. I love you.

-----------------------------------

10 things I love about the father of my children:

1. His quickness for laughter.

2. His patience.

3. The genetics that gave him great legs and a tight butt. (My girls are so lucky to have inherited those.)

4. The ability to go along for the ride and have an adventure.

5. His unabashed ability to show affection to his girls.

6. The importance he places on family above everything else.

7. His understanding of the limits and limitlessness of our children.

8. Cooking skills.

9. I have an equal parenting partner.

10. That he really truly enjoys our children. He really likes them. 

Happy Father's Day, dearest husband. How lucky I am and our girls are, to have you in our lives. I love you.

Snapshot

Just as dinner was ready, Ruby and Maia were given a time out for fighting (a discipline they've perhaps outgrown, but the babyish-ness sometimes brings home the point rather nicely) and Ruby had started dinner in a bad mood. When the girls asked for dessert, my first mistake was pulling the marshmallows out the of bag instead of letting Ruby do it. In doing so, I withdrew 12 mini-marshmallows instead of the typical 10. I pointed this out to Ruby with hopes the extra 2 marshmallows would change her emotional course. It didn't quite go as I planned.

"Can I have 13?"

I swear when this kid sees the boundary, she is biologically wired to see if it will move. I said no, which was the momentum she needed to deliver a full blown tantrum. Having taught 14 lessons that day and in no mood to negotiate, I started clearing the dishes and went into the kitchen.

Aleks joined me shortly and over Ruby's cries, told me that she had looked him straight in the eye and stuffed all the marshmallows in her mouth while she continued to scream. We were laughing over the absurdity, when Ruby's cries changed from anger to panic. She ran into the kitchen with a mouth full of bloody marshmallows and a front tooth all askew.

"Spit those into my hand" I encouraged, as she hiccoughed back sobs. As I moved to wash my hands, Aleks grabbed a paper towel and pulled out her tooth causing the screaming to resume. Since the tooth was lost a bit prematurely, blood was slowly trickling out of her mouth. I handed Ruby another paper towel and she held it to her gums.

I pulled Ruby into a hug and felt her little body shake. Between the tantrum and trauma of the lost tooth, there had been a lot of chemicals firing through that little body. It took her a good 15 minutes to calm down. By the time we headed up to bed, she was exploring the new space in her mouth and speaking with an adorable little lisp.

Did I mention we keep the marshmallows in the freezer?

This kid challenges me like nothing else ever has. She is also such a light in my life. Her interpersonal meter is off the charts. She is immediately good at almost everything she tries. She has the best legs, muscular and long. She gives warm, firm hugs, is quick to make us laugh, and is extremely bright. She is also a lot like me.

..............................................................

Things Maia has said to me this past week:

1. On Tuesday I was teaching at home and Maia had come in from playing outside. She walked from the kitchen and through the music room with her nose in a book. As she passed between the piano and my student, heading for the stairs, she said "Good day sir."

2. As I was folding laundry, Maia walked into the bedroom said, "Whacha doin'? I'm just groovin'" and walked out.

3. After her final basketball game yesterday Maia said, "There are 2 things we need to work on. 1) stealing the ball 2) passing the ball 3) getting rebounds."

4. The 2nd graders dissected a cow's eyeball last week. Maia was very stressed about the whole thing, but she did learn a lot about the eye. Her class has been talking about science and one night at dinner Maia said "What if Ruby and I are the first scientists in the family?" I immediately said "that would be amazing! What can I do to help you?" As much as I love my musical family, I think it would be wonderful to have a scientist in the mix.

I don't see Maia as much now that she's in school all day and then has her nose buried in a book when she gets home. She doesn't seem to need me as much as her sister. However, she is such a wonderfully weird and amazing child. It's hard to remember the colicky hell she put us through during the first 9 months of her life.

Maia is agreeable and kind. She is logical and matter-of-fact. She loves to read and is just beginning to say she's a tomboy. In fact the other day the girls were talking about makeup and Maia said, "I'm not a makeup girl. I'm more into sweating and basketball." Ruby immediately took offense and said "I wish I had a different sister. Maia doesn't like beautifulness!" The girls are still best friends and are continuing to learn how to respect and listen to each other.

..............................................................

It's hard to write an update about Aleks. Our lives have been busy and full I feel like we haven't connected in awhile. We should plan a date night.

Honestly, recording our podcast has been a really great thing for our relationship. It's forced us to sit and focus just on the conversation at hand . I've really enjoyed the process and getting to know each other in a different way after 13 years of marriage.

We've got two more "What Makes?" episodes airing this season. Tomorrow's episode is "What Makes a Good Apology?" and I talk with a special guest. It's a great episode and I hope you can tune in. Our last episode is "What Makes Great Sex?" We've yet to record this last one; it's felt a little intimidating. I'm sure it will be funny. Or not. It may just be awkward. Why is sex so complicated?

You can check out our first season at www.whatmakespodcast.com.

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In the past 5 months, I can recall two separate times when I was so scared/nervous to try something new, I almost cried.

The first was getting into a handstand at a CrossFit workout. I wasn't sure if my arms were strong enough to hold up my body and was worried that I would fall onto my head and mess up my neck. I was kind of hemming and hawing and I looked my coach in the eye and "I have three gigs coming up in the next few weeks. Are you sure I can do this?" She said "yes, you can" and with that I was upside down against a wall.

The second happened this weekend when I went to my first dance call.  It wasn't pretty. Well, all the other young, flexible dancers who could do the combination in the correct order were beautiful, but what I did in my group of four was not exactly that. Some of my students kept saying, "but you had fun, right?" and actually no, it was not fun. It was terrifying.

Both those things felt risky. There was a certain element of physical danger in the first and a potential damage to my pride and reputation in the second.

What I've learned from doing new, scary things is that it is an important and necessary step in self improvement. By putting myself in situations where I am massively uncomfortable, I have made dramatic investments in my ability to empathize.

I wish the moral of my stories were: do something scary and succeed immediately!

However, I'm still scaling my handstand with head cushions. My arms still wobble and I support more of my body weight on my head than I probably should. I don't think I'll see any immediate casting results from the audition I took this weekend.

What I have gained however, is the knowledge that I can do scary things. As I get older I realized several things:

1. The doing of whatever it is you are attempting is 80% of the journey.
2. Allowing myself to take risks gets harder each year.
3. Surrounding myself with a loving, gracious tribe has become incredibly important. My CrossFit family is always encouraging and excited for each other and any small steps forward. I was overwhelmed this weekend by the support of my friends and students who, after watching my Instagram story, sent me texts and messages of support.

I'll leave you with one last thought:
I truly believe that vulnerability creates bridges between people. In my experience, coming from a place of vulnerability and authenticity has always been met with kindness and grace.

So, go out there and try new, scary things and know that we're all rooting for you to succeed!

Disney World 2017!

The benefit of visiting Florida in January, is that it isn't too hot or humid. The risk lies in the crazy weather you might encounter during your travel to paradise. The day we left for vacation, Atlanta received about 3 or 4 flakes of snow, which caused a huge mess with flights through ATL. Delta was fabulous with all the updates of our delayed flights and instead of landing at 8:30 pm, we fell into our beds just before 1 am.

We visited Disneyland two years ago and this was a much different trip. The girls appreciate the princess experience, but it was way less important this time around.

Bless the Disney princesses. Cinderella looks like she may be just about ready to hang up her tiara and return to civilian life.

And while Maia and Ruby's love of princesses is waning, their excitement and bravery for thrill rides has dramatically increased!

On our first day we had a FastPass for Splash Mountain. Little did we know that the temperature would hover in the low 30s. We took off our sweatshirts so that they would be dry. I got soaked and just had my light jacket to keep me warm for the rest of the day. I never thought I would be that cold in Florida. The things we do for our children...

Maia's face. Ruby's face.

We had a great experience. We stayed at a Disney Resort and used the dining plan and memory maker photo package. We didn't get FastPasses for all the "top" rides, but we were able to ride every ride that we wanted without too much waiting. The longest we waited was an hour, but on average our wait time was 30 minutes without a FastPass. With the dining plan we ate like kings and had tons of entitlements left over. We made sure to get our money's worth by dining at several of the upscale restaurants. This was my first time at Disney World and I hope it won't be our family's last. In 2 years Maia will be 9 and Ruby will be 8 and I think the whole family will be brave enough for all the rides.

Thank you Nana for a wonderful trip! We have so many wonderful memories from this past week.