Mother's Day 2015

There's an article circling the internet by Anne Lamot highlighting her seemingly radical position that Mother's Day wrongly celebrates mothers as superior beings. I think this sentiment rings to true with many people in different walks of life and I definitely agree with various aspects of the article.

For me Mother's Day often feels like one more thing to remember on the never-ending list of things to do. It's easy to take for granted all of the sacrifices, encouragement, and training my mother poured into me. So, why not make a conscious, deliberate effort one day a year to say thank you?

How grateful I am to be born to the hippie mom I got. I may not have appreciated these things as a child, but now, I'm exceedingly grateful for:
*the limits on my television consumption (1/2 hour of Mr. Rodgers only, maybe part of Sesame Street if dinner was taking a bit longer)
*how she taught me that almost anything can be made from scratch; sourdough, Rapunzel wigs, Valentine's cards, pasta, pancake syrup
*instilling the knowledge that people's feelings are important
Imparting to me the wisdom of:
*how a list can give peace of mind
*everything is better after a good night's sleep
*that children are important and gifts to be treasured
*creativity is something to be nurtured
*boredom is not an option
*there's always time to whip up cookies or brownies

Now I get to watch her be a grandmother and see my children enjoy her awesomeness.

When Aleks and I got married, I had no idea how deeply I would come to love and appreciate my mother in law. I'm constantly awed by her generosity, willingness to go all in, and her unwavering love and loyalty to her family. And obviously, she did an amazing job raising her children. I have her to thank for a sweet, thoughtful, feminist husband.

This is my 6th Mother's Day due to the munchkins who made me a mom. Being a parent has stretched and grown me into a better version of myself. It's been painful many times, but also so very rewarding and entertaining. If I can instill in my girls to be loving and kind to each other, themselves, and the people around them, I'll feel as if I've done my job.

And hopefully I haven't given them too much to talk about in therapy.

Happy Mother's Day mom.
Happy Mother's Day Danni.
Happy Mother's Day to all of you who have nurtured and loved another by giving selflessly of yourself.
I'll tell you what, it isn't for wimps!

Cold Sassy Tree

I'm one week post-Cold Sassy Tree. I've been falling asleep extremely early and slowly catching up on getting the household together.

When I agreed to help out and sing this role, I had no idea how much I would fall in love with Love Simpson. Furthermore, the music just happened to fit my voice like a glove. If I could travel around the country and sing this role for the next 20 years, I would jump at the chance.

That being said, here are a couple of things I am not going to miss:

1. pin curls- they take forever to do and my hair is cray cray when the bobby pins come out.

2. Corsets and elaborate costumes- by far the most stressful part of this production was remembering all my accessories and costume pieces.

And here are some of the things I loved:

Love Simpson and her new daughters.

"Rented rooms in boarding houses..."

"Come on Grandma and sit by me!"

"Loma dear...he's deeded it all to me!"

"Clayton! Take your hands off me!"

"And then, and then he ravished me!"

"to me you're the most fair of face..."

"It's lovely, just lovely!"

"No!" (A high C, exquisitely timed, quite possibly one of my favorite moments)

"Old Rucker Lattimore has gone to his grave, but we're still glad to be alive!"

 Like I said on Facebook, it's been a wild, beautiful ride. I'm grateful for the experience and for all I've learned through this process. It will always hold a special place in my heart. Now, onward and upward!

Maia's 6th birthday celebrations!

I apologize in advance for the massive photo dump that is about to occur. It's hard to believe that we're already half way through April. The past two weeks were a total whirlwind.

Maia's birthday fell on a Saturday, which meant we could go out to breakfast.

Once we got back, Maia spent a large part of her day riding her new bicycle in the garage.

One of our family traditions is visiting Build-A-Bear on your birthday. Of course Maia wanted a pony, which means 4 shoes instead of 2. $$$$$$$$

Aleks' mom, Danni made the most amazing banner for Maia. Apparently she'll never make a rosette banner again. 

I don't blame her.

The next weekend we had a birthday party for Maia's friends. We held it at Funtastics in Derby. I would whole-heartedly recommend it for any kid's birthday party.

Pink cheeks= fun party

Again, my mother in law out did herself with centerpieces and goodie bags. I wish I had taken a picture of the invitations, they were extraordinary.

It was a very fun birthday.

I'm just glad we have 6 months until there's another birthday to celebrate!

Emily is having a Birthday!

Hi everyone. This is Aleks and I have some big news to share. April 8th, 2015 marks the 34 year the earth has traveled around the sun since my amazing wife was born. So in her honor here are 34 things that I love about this lady!

1. She is an amazing wife. I never have any doubt about how much my wife cares about me. She supports me, puts up with me, and loves me everyday!

2. She's an amazing mother. She's kind, nurturing, caring and everything else a good mother is. She volunteers at the school, works with our kids at home and even teaches Maia piano. Our kids may still end up crazy wack jobs but I don't think we can blame it on her mothering.

3. She's an amazing talent. Her musical talents know no bound. Whenever she performs I am always impressed.

4. She cares so much for people. When we moved to Connecticut to start her performance diploma and my doctorate the first thing she did was bake cookies for the neighborhood. She then made us go to all the neighbors houses and hand out cookies and introduce ourselves. I hated it. But what can I say she cares. She cares deeply for her friends and offers herself to anyone who needs it.

5. She's a great teacher. For the last seven years I've watched her work with college voice students. She cares about each student, treats them all as unique individuals, and is as much a therapist as she is a voice teacher.

6. She's a great baker. This leads to too many treats in our house but man can she bake. I mean come on she makes her own marshmallows.

7. She's a really fast swimmer. Last week she did 8 x100 pulls in under 1:45 for each set. She leaves me in the dust.

8. She's an amazing writer. As you've probably figured out from this blog Emily has a way with words that is stunning. She's my proofreader for everything I do (except for this post, which she doesn't know about. Pardon the grammar and typos).

9. She's deep. Over our 10+ years of marriage I've discovered what a truly deep thinker Emily is. She's astute, thoughtful, and sees things many don't.

10. She has horrible taste in TV. It's because of her I know who the Kardashians and the Real Housewives of New Jersey are.

11. She's beautiful. I don't think she realizes it but she's hot as balls.

12. She infuriates me sometimes. By that I mean she challenges me, and makes me a better person because of it.

13. She loves an adventure. In our time together we have traveled to some great places and Emily is always up for an adventure. With her I've zip lined through mountains in Hawaii, walked through a private boys school in London, and been drunk on Champagne at the Moulin Rouge. She's up for anything.

14. She's fast to forgive. All it takes is a heartfelt and thoughtful sorry and she moves on.

15. We have fun. While we have our typical dinner dates we also have dates playing laser tag, batting cages, bowling, and everything in between.

16. She makes me laugh.

17. She listens. Some of us are quick to speak (me) she is quick to listen.

18. She's so creative. She crafts, she sews, all of that and more. But she has unique and creative ideas for everything. Her recitals are creative, her fundraisers are creative, she's just full of great ideas.

19. She's in it to win it. Whenever she takes on a new project she goes in head on. Nothing is done half-assed with her.

20. She's endlessly patient. She would probably say she doesn't have a lot of patience but when I see how she interacts with our kids, with me, and with others you see just how patient she can be.

21. She tolerates my crazy ideas (and sometimes even participates). She has supported me in my triathlons, half marathons, even my upcoming Iron Man. Every time I tell her I'm thinking of doing something her answer is always "Ok".

22. She's organized. She comes from a family of list makers and that level of organization has come into our own family. I admire that because it is something I "struggle" with.

23. She never sits still. This used to drive me crazy. Spring break would arrive and we'd be painting the house, or working on the lawn, etc. I used to wish we could just relax but now I kind of love our little projects.

24. She's not a hypocrite. She has a set of morals and values and she lives them.

25. She's smart. Like wicked smart and our girls are the benefactors of that intelligence.

26. She doesn't give up. Just because it's tough doesn't mean she's going to stop. I've seen her power through so many different things because quitting isn't an option.

27. She knows how to balance a check book. This is a sometimes overlooked skill set. I'm glad she has it.

28. She doesn't hide her feelings. She's authentic and you don't have to try to figure out how she truly feels. She says what she means.

29. She doesn't complain. There are times when she burns the candle at both ends but she never complains about it. She gets the job done.

30. She has a deep connection with her family. We still visit her grandparents when we travel back to the bay area, she talks to her cousins regularly and we have family reunions every other year.

31. She loves her San Francisco Giants and Wichita State Shockers. She's fun to watch a game with.

32. She mentally stimulates me. She's inquisitive, and wise. She makes me think and she has something real to contribute to the conversation.

33. She makes me feel like I matter.

34. She is an amazing role model to our daughters. She is teaching them what it means to be a smart, empathetic, talented, and selfless woman. They are in good hands with her as their mother.

Six

My girl Maia is 6 today.

I enjoy this little girl more than words can say. 

Here are six things that have always been true about my firstborn.
1. She likes to talk. Actually, I think it's more about just making noise. She likes to make noise. All. the. time.
2. She can make a new friend anywhere she goes.
3. She wants to know everything about everything.
4. She loves dressing up and being fancy.
5. She likes pancakes.
6. She has a very very good memory.

In those early days, when Maia would not stop crying and I was severely sleep deprived (there are not strong enough words to convey the level of sleep deprivation I was experiencing), I was not hopeful. I was sure that my screaming baby would grow into a demanding dictator of a toddler.

Thankfully I was wrong.

Maia is one of the most delightful people I know. 

She is pure light and radiance.

She is interesting and funny and entertaining.

She is thoughtful and kind.

My life is better because I know her.

Happy Birthday Maia. I'm glad you got to be our first. I love every minute of being your mom and I can't wait to see what you do with this life of yours.

Reminders

In this season of life, I've been reminded of some life mottos that I found to be true throughout my college education. When I had babies my mind was consumed with feedings and crying and sleeping. My kids are now older. In some ways their need for me is less intense and I'm sleeping more regularly.

As a result I have more time to think and feel things that had been forgotten in my sleep deprivation.

You will catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

Every year I walk on this earth, it becomes more and more apparent that kindness should be a first response to everything. Especially if something doesn't go the way I want or need. If I can avoid being reactive it is better for everyone involved, especially myself.

Perspective.

When life gets really busy and stress levels rise, I find myself feeling untethered. The smallest inconvenience or unexpected occurrence can throw me into an emotional tailspin causing me to second guess all conversations and read into the smallest of non-verbal cues. The one thing that grounds me is perspective. Nothing lasts forever. I have a family that loves me. I can feed my children. We are clothed in clean clothes. I can buy gas for my car. I like my husband. When I remember these things, whatever I've been worrying about becomes trivial.

Eat Well and Get Enough Sleep.

This is the first thing I tell my students when the stress of the semester becomes overwhelming. I encourage them to start their days with protein, drink lots of water, and be sure to get enough sleep. Sometimes deadlines and rehearsals and sickness get in the way of this, but it's important to know when you can say no and get to bed earlier than usual. It's amazing how an outlook can change after a goodnight's rest. I fiercely protect my sleep.

Yes. And.

This is the hardest one to remember. We live in a culture that doesn't often promote inclusivity. Just because someone is talented, doesn't exclude the rest of society from being talented as well. Whenever I begin to feel competitive (as I often do) I have to remember, "Yes. And." Because, really that competitiveness comes from insecurity. "Yes. And" works in a creative sense as well. On the stage or confronted with a problem, "Yes. And." keeps my mind and heart open. When I allow my thinking to become limitless, it produces the greatest benefits.

These have become my mantra this semester as I'm slowly losing my mind. Did you hear that I sent Maia to school with crazy hair? On twin day?

Thankfully I've got this amazing picture to make me smile. I hope you're not tired of seeing it.

Grateful

Earlier this week Ruby was completely exhausted and as a result turned into a belligerent terror. Rather than succumbing to a nap she decided to fight it with her whole being, thrashing her tiny body all over the bed while screaming and yelling. It looked so absolutely ridiculous, that I began to giggle. She looked at me and started to get offended, but on the scale of outrage expression, there was nowhere for her to escalate. Instead, as if a switch was flipped, she stopped screaming, scooted close to me and settled in for a nap.

As we lay there on her bed, in a quiet house, I could hear snow dripping from the roof softly and steadily. The sun was streaming though the windows creating a patch of warmth on the floor. Both Ruby and I were restored in that moment.

I've always wanted to be a mom. At an early age I felt my destiny would be fulfilled when I had children of my own. Just barely an adult, I got married three months after college graduation. Had it not been for my level headed husband, I would have started popping out kids in the middle of grad school. Instead, we waited 5 years until we had 2 masters, a doctorate, and an artist diploma between us.

While I unfailingly felt certain about my personal and familial path, there has always been fuzziness surrounding my career. I haven't ever experienced an audition season: flying to a major US city to sing for opera companies, young artist programs, and summer institutes. I didn't get a doctorate, which keeps me from being eligible to apply for 90% of tenure track university jobs. 

So, here I am (living in Kansas!) with 3 degrees in music, a husband (his career is taking off by the way), 2 children (whom I adore), and a fledgling career whose path I'm making up along the way.

On bad days, I am full of despair. There seems to be no advancement, unless I'm willing to spend the money and time to audition and/or go back to school for my doctorate. While these are a possibility, I'm not sure I want to ask my family to make the sacrifices those actions would require.

On good days I feel as if I have the best of both worlds. I occasionally get paid to sing, I teach dedicated, serious music students at a university with world renowned opera singers as colleagues, I volunteer at my kids' schools, and I even sometimes have a chance to sew or read or paint the walls in my house. 

The older I get, the easier it is to appreciate what I have, rather than feel bad about what I haven't accomplished.

Moments of stillness and quietude are few and far between this spring. My work load has increased significantly as I am stepping in to sing in WSU's production of Cold Sassy Tree. The role I'm singing is quite large and the score is extremely difficult. It would be so easy for me to feel constantly overwhelmed. There is no room in my life for things like a broken washing machine and unexpected doctor's appointments, much less tantrums over how a pair of socks "doesn't feel right."

But the thing that makes life difficult right now (all the rehearsals and time spent learning this *almost* impossible score) is such a luxury. It's been a long time since I've been able to allow myself this much time to work consistently on a project. And further, I don't have to be in charge!

I'm getting to be a student again, but with better vocal technique, more wisdom, and some life experience behind me. 

I have lots to say about learning a contemporary score and about growing as a performer and actor as a faculty member among students and how my family has been impacted by all this, but maybe I'll talk about those things in another post.

Mostly, I just want to say what an overwhelming sense of gratitude I have felt in the past few weeks. It has turned out that this role fits my voice like a glove. I'm very grateful about this, since I never truly know how a role will feel until I've sung it for a while. The students are kind and generous with me and so much fun. How thankful I am to be surrounded by interesting young people in my work environment. My mother in law is able to be here for two months to help take care of the kids and pick up the slack caused by my added work load. There will never be enough words to express what a gift that is to us.

I've always tried to hold things with an open hand, but this one is hard. I want to close my fist and hold on tightly. I don't know when I'll have the opportunity to sing a role like this again and that knowledge makes this experience all the more sweet.

I'm sure as we get closer to curtain (April 9-12) I'll be posting lots of pictures on Instagram and updates on Facebook. Feel free to follow along with me if you're interested! In the meantime, if you're local and want to hear me sing something a little more melodious, I'll be singing as the guest vocalist with The Priests as their tour takes them through Wichita. (click here for a link to buy tickets.)

*In case you were wondering, our washing machine got fixed after a week of being out of commission. We were all on our last pairs of underwear. I finally went in to immediate care to get some antibiotics because I was too busy to see my doctor during regular office hours. Ruby got some new socks (see first sentence about the broken washing machine) and has ceased complaining about how they feel. Life is good. Complicated, but good.