Twelve!

It's that time of year again; the streets in our neighborhood are packed with cars of students at the university finding free parking. The start of school usually means cool mornings and warm days. The kids come through the door, sweaty from the bus and walk home.

The beginning of the school year also means Ruby's birthday. It's a month filled with promise and possibilities. 

Ruby's birth was a quick affair, a planned cesarean, in which so many things went wrong. The anesthesiologist had a hard time getting my spinal in; he kept hitting nerve endings, making me jump. When he finally got it in the correct spot, the epidural hit and my blood pressure dropped quickly; I threw up and almost passed out. Then, during the surgery, it was discovered that a large group of veins had formed under my previous c-section scar and when the doctor went to cut Ruby out, I started bleeding. A lot. They had to pull Ruby out very quickly and work to get the bleeding under control. As a result, Ruby had a hard time breathing on her own and spent the first 8 hours of her life hooked up to oxygen in the nursery. Of course, I couldn't walk to go see her in the nursery, due to the epidural, so had to rely on stories and pictures from Aleks.

Needless to say, when they finally brought her to my room, I cuddled Ruby on my chest and we remained that way until discahrged. That time in the hospital was dreamy. I had a sweet, sleepy newborn on my chest, nurses to bring me food, no dishes or laundry to do, and my toddler at home was being cared for.

It took Ruby two and a half years to find her voice. After a colicky first born, I thought I had hit the jackpot with a baby that actually didn't cry all the time. Joke was on me; she was just biding her time. We had a tough couple of years figuring each other out, but eventually got there and learned how to communicate effectively.

The thing is, Ruby just feels everything deeply. And when she's feeling something, she wants you to feel that way too. Ruby has taught me that I can't help people unless they want to be helped. She reminds me that even though responsible, mature people can handle a lot, it doesn't mean they should be expected to. 

Today Ruby turns 12. She got curtain bangs before school started and is wearing jeans instead of leggings. She is playing cello in the 6th grade orchestra and continues to play piano. She is passionate and kind. Responsible and disciplined. Funny and smart. To know Ruby is to love her.

Happy birthday dearest girl! The world is a brighter place because of you.

Thirteen!

A few month ago we were all in the car and Maia said "Mom, explain to Ruby what 69 means."

Taken aback, Aleks and I looked at each other and said "wait, do you know what it means?"

Maia said, "Yeah! Well, no, I mean, I know it's a funny number like 420."

I think that probably sums up the 7th grade pretty well.

   

When I was pregnant with Maia I remember thinking, "I just hope she isn't boring." Well, we have been everything but bored for the past 12 years.

Today my oldest becomes an official teenager, that coveted age for most girls, 13. I feel like we've entered a time warp; the next 5 years are going to fly by.

We have asked a lot of Maia this year. It's been challenging for everyone. Her stable and predictable life was upended right in the middle of a physically and emotionally tumultuous time.

Throughout all the change, Maia's humor and steadfastness has remained in tact. It's been an honor to watch her grow and navigate all that comes her way.

 

My darling girl has an unyielding sense of justice. She is a fiercly loyal friend and sister (unless you enter her room without asking for permission). Maia continues to be a voracious reader and takes at least 2 books to school with her each day. She has a quirky sense of humor and is learning comedic timing.

We just love this kid of ours. If you know her, you probably do, too.

Happy 13th birthday Maia! 

Season's Greetings from us to you

Eleven!

This year, I finally learned the lesson that Ruby has been trying to teach me her whole life. 

It's ok for her to feel all her feelings.

I think it took me 11 years to learn this lesson because the intensity of Ruby's feelings is quite powerful. It goes against all instinct to allow her fire to burn without trying to put it out.

Once I stopped looking at the fire and instead, into the source, I see that the fire hasn't consumed her. In fact, it's refining her into an amazing young woman.

This has been a big year for her, for us all. COVID, a big move, new everything. I'm humbled by her maturity and ability to be uncomfortable. Granted, she's not always quiet about the discomfort, but she doesn't run away from it.

Happy 11th birthday, my darling. 

I love getting to know you better and better each year.

Twelve!

One year ago we planned a birthday party for Maia, including an escape room at the public library. It was the first birthday party we'd hosted for several years and everyone was excited. And then, in the middle of March, the nation closed down and we scrambled to make her celebration special in a new way.

True to character, Maia was disappointed, but rebounded quickly. Her sunny disposition has been extraordinary during this trying year. When the kids' school went remote, I never had to worry about her making it to virtual class and staying on top of her work.

This year, when Aleks and I went to work full time, Maia handled her first year of middle school during this pandemic with astonishing maturity and responsibility. Every other day she was home alone, logging into each of her classes on zoom, managing the different digital platforms, and navigating the elevated expectations that come with middle school.

She has made a new, sweet friends and we're so grateful she has found her people. Middle school is such a crazy, intense time.

As Maia enters this next year of life, we are constantly delighted by her curiosity, strong feminine ideals, quirky personality, and willingness to help our family in any way she can.

Maia is as strong as she is soft. Serious and silly. Loves parties and friends, yet is an introvert.

Happy 12th birthday Maia! 

Those challenging first 9 months of your life were totally worth it. 

This world is a better place because you are in it. 

We love you.

Pandemic Check-in; Day ???

This week in Wichita, temps are stuck below freezing and it's not projected to warm up anytime soon.

I feel like I'm living in a loop. Wake up in the dark, work in a room without windows, come home to chores and dinner as it gets dark before we eat. Then fall asleep in front of the tv and do it all again 8 hours later.

This Groundhog Day effect is something I've come to expect this time of year, but add 10 months of a pandemic prior to the winter doldrums, and it just hits differently.

Our whole family got COVID the week after Thanksgiving (no idea where it was contracted: we've all fully recovered, and didn't expose anyone else) and so we've got antibodies to protect us through March. While chances are we're immune from the virus for 90 days, we may still be able to carry trace amounts and infect other people and so our pandemic lifestyle remains largely unchanged.

One of the only things keeping me going this winter is my husband. He just lights up a room, bringing energy back into this wintery void. For whatever reason, the pandemic has made us closer, when it so easily could have gone the other way.

I'm also grateful for our ability to cook good food at home, a large house that gives us all get the space we need, a steady job, and a middle schooler who is responsible enough to handle remote/hybrid learning.

Be it the pandemic, or winter, or something yet to be defined, the Sternfeld-Dunn family is itching for a change. I don't think a remodeled bathroom is going to do it this time. I've been patient before. Dreamed of change. Looked through Zillow. I'm familiar with this feeling. It never gets easier.

However, maybe because of this past year, I know now, more than ever, I can be content anywhere. Especially because of my weird, funny, loving little family.

Double Digits!

Sweet and spicy Ruby is now 10. 

Double digits. 

"A tween," she told me.

She continues to amaze me with her musicianship in everything she does; playing the piano, singing, dancing.

Despite being bit by a dog this year and getting 5 stiches, she still loves them and sleeps with our dog, Isabelle, every night.

Ruby has an amazing sense of style and has firm opinions about what she, and the rest of the family, wears. I can always count on her for honest feedback.

Ruby also has a great sense of humor. 

She did us all proud at the school spelling bee. I was a nervous wreck and I can imagine how she must have felt, but Ruby worked through those nerves and did so well. (The cat ears probably helped.)

Ruby, you are so special. I love getting to know you better each year and watch you grow into an amazing  young lady. Your kind heart, passionate opinions, and deep feelings are your super powers.

Happy birthday Ruby Ann!

P.S. Here's what we did during quarentine, when being home felt new and exciting and we were ready to be creative. You might have already seen this, but it's worth another view!

May

This morning I ripped off April from our wall calendar and announced "It's May!"

Maia barely looked up from the book she was reading and said, "May Day. Did you know that boys used to plant a pole in the yard of the girls they liked?"

And then Ruby chimed in "Mom, has a boy ever planted his pole in your yard?"

..............................................

One of our new quarentine routines is to walk our dog first thing in the morning. Usually it's just Ruby and I. I've noticed the transition from sweatshirts and jackets to t-shirts over the past month. Summer is just around the corner.

This morning she said "I really like quarentine. We're not busy all the time and we actually get to spend time with you and Dad."

I asked "Is there anything you miss that you can't do because of shelter in place?"

"No, not really. I miss seeing my friends, but that's it."

..............................................

I miss the anticipation of seeing my kids get off the bus and then having their energy fill the house as they dump all their school gear on the floor and race to go to the bathroom and get a snack. I miss the feeling of freedom, of having choices. I miss a barbell (not snatches) and the comraderie of working out with friends.

I know more of my neighbors' names now. I've spent more time outside this spring than I ever have since living in Kansas. We eat dinner together every night. Ruby and I read a long chapter book together. The girls are playing (and fighting) together more than they usually do. Maia will be entering middle school next year, and in a way, I feel like we've gotten to hit pause and enjoy her childhood a bit longer.

..............................................

There are days that are hard and days that are easier. Working fills me with purpose and simultaneously leaves me drained. Teaching online is harder. I'm noticing that some of the emotional struggles I feel are not unique to this pandemic, which gives me perspective on how to keep growing as a human.

..............................................

Aleks shaved his sideburns last night. He couldn't handle the growing "pubes" on the side of his face. He thinks it looks ok.

Hair grows back. And barpershops will open again one day.

..............................................

I was extremely eager to rip March down from my calendar. April has passed so quickly. It reminds me of the baby years; each day drags and drags, yet the months fly by.

May's little boxes are empty this morning. I'm hesitanat to make plans. To set expectations that may not be met.

I think what helps me is to stay in the moment. I have a family I like, an awesome house, plenty of food, my job. One thing at a time.

Happy May Day, friends.

Turning 11 in 2020 is a mood

Today Maia is 11.

She's been excited for a whole year because finally, her birthday is on a Saturday. Little did we know that the entire world would be shut down this year. In typical optimistic Maia fashion, she's found something to be happy about; she can sleep in on her birthday!

This firstborn of mine is such a gift to our family. She is easy going, quick to adapt to disappointment, and has the strongest moral compass of anyone I know.

She loves school, the library, and books with an astonishing fierceness.

She HATES being teased and views it as a personal affront.

Maia is excited for middle school next year and I think she's going to thrive. Although, this kid thrives anywhere you put her. Online learning? No problem! Libraries closed? (Ok, that one caused tears) She'll make do with the digital library!

Each passing day I see glimpses of the young woman Maia will be, and yet she hasn't quite crossed that border; one foot is still firmly planted in childhood.

I can't wait to see what this year will bring for my girl. Whatever it is, I know Maia will handle it with kindness, optimism, and humor.

Happy birthday, my sweet girl!

How are you doing?

Everyone doing ok?

I ripped March off our family calendar, a day early. April is all filled out, full of hope. It's amazing how full those little boxes are, in spite of all that's been cancelled.

Here in Kansas, we just started 30 days of shelter at home.

So much change and uncertainty is overwhelming.

Saturday was hard for Ruby.

Today was hard for me.

In the past few weeks I have been so proud of everyone in our community. The teachers in our district, the professors at the university, our neighbors, the grocery workers, the mail carriers.

So many adjustments have been made. The reslience I see from everyone is astounding.

I know this isn't forever and that we just need to each day as it comes. Stay in the moment. Be grateful for full refrigerators and good health.

It felt good to make plans for April. To write here after a long hiatus. The ritual of washing dishes and tidying the house helps.

I'm proud of you all. For doing your best. For feeling your feelings.

We can do this.

Here's a picture of the girls from today. Enjoy.

16 years. Our marriage can get its' driver's license!

A few weeks ago, Aleks walked in the door from a long day at work and into chaos. I had finished teaching, was cleaning out backpacks and lunch boxes, trying to get a handle on how the girls were doing, make sure the homework was finished, convince Maia to practice piano, and get dinner on the table.

Ruby was having a crises of some sort; it could have been about stresses at school or just that her shoes didn't feel right, really, either is feasible.

So Aleks walked in to this mess and without missing a beat, sat down and said "Ruby, I'd really like to help you figure this out. What can I do?"

That patience and kindness was the thing that hooked me when we first met in college almost 2 decades ago. And over the last 16 years, Aleks' best qaulities have just deepened and expanded into something beyond what I could have ever imagined.

I thought what I was getting from 22 year old Aleks was pretty good.

The gift that is my husband is so much more than I deserve.

16 years ago we moved into our first apartment.

Which had the infamous "shath" or "bower." The bathroom was built into the eave of the house and so stading in the shower was impossible. Also, any time the toilet ran, which it did about every 5 minutes, the water would turn into boiling, scalding torture.

Look at that cell phone on the kitchen counter. This was before Facebook and the iphone as we know it now.

He's still got those Chuck Taylors.

Marriage is a trip. I definitely don't have it all figured out, but I'm grateful to have a patient, honest man with me on the journey.

Look at those babies.

 Lucky. Grateful. Proud.

Happy anniversary Aleks. 

Here's to so many more years of adventure, laughter, and growth.

Nine is fine!

Ruby Ann was born at 10:25am after a planned c section. She wasn't getting enough oxygen and so stayed in the nursery with tubes in her nose for the first 8 hours of her life. They finally brought her to me that evening where she slept on my chest for the rest of our hospital stay.

She was an easy baby (compared to her sister who screamed at us non-stop for 8 months) and cut her first tooth at 17 months!

At 2 1/2 she realized the full potential of her power and decided to wage war with her parents on all matters related to sleeping and getting her way. 4 1/2 came and our sweet girl was returned. Her power remained undiminished, but she now had a greater understanding of self control and increased communication skills.

She continues to be sensitive and intuitive, feeling the emotions of those around her. She is opinionated about everything and is learning to handle disappointment in a healthy way. 

Things Ruby loves:

food

physical activity (she's good at almost anything she tries)

drinking coffee

fashion

doing "grownup things"

her dog

Things Ruby does and is great at, but sometimes feel like "work" to her:

piano

soccer

reading

A friend once told me that some children are like wildflowers and some are like orchids. Wildflowers thrive almost anywhere with very little tending while orchids have a reputation for being difficult to grow.

Ruby is my orchid. And here's the thing: orchid care isn't difficult, it's just different. And what a beautiful flower we have growing in our family.

Happiest of birthdays to you Ruby Ann. We love you.

Double Digits!

10 years ago today a very loud, dark haired baby made me a mom. 

It took 2 inductions (neither of which worked) and a c-section to get her into the world. If I had known that she would scream at me for the next 8 months, I would not have complained about her lateness.

It's so strange to remember what a difficult baby she was in the beginning. Everyone would tell me to feed her more, or co-sleep, or sleep train, or give her a bottle, or just let her nurse all day long. They didn't understand that she a) didn't sleep and b) she liked to scream. Some call it colic. Whatever it was, it wasn't fun.

But then, she said her first word at 6 months; pointed at the duck on Aleks' shirt and said "duck." 

And weaned herself at eight months (oh, hello Ruby). 

And then we had another baby in the house (one that actually slept and behaved like a normal newborn) and Maia was a non-stop chatter bug, having given up the screams for an extensive vocabulary.

Ten years ago.

Man, how is it that I'm still 27 and have a 10 year old?

(ok, maybe she did sleep a little bit)

Obviously, I don't know differently, but that challenging beginning as a parent, that baptism by fire, was probably just what I needed. A full immersion experience/life is turned upside down/you'll function on 4 hours of sleep a night for 8 months/nothing like what you expected start to parenthood.

Oh, but the young lady my daughter is becomming- it's a beautiful thing to watch.

My 10 year old girl still talks up a storm. She is constantly using words she's read in books, but doesn't quite know how to pronounce. And speaking of books, she told me she's read all the books in her school's library.

She is weird, in the best possible way. 

Earnest and ethical.

Kind. Thoughtful. Has a great sense of humor.

She experiences life with all her senses. Her room looks like a bomb went off and yet she knows where each earring back/rock/bookmark is located.

She brings light to our family.

Happy birthday, my dearest. Those first 8 months were so worth it.

5 Tips for a successful audition

Audition season is upon us! Josh and I thought we'd share with you some tips on how to have a successful MTWichita Teen Choir audition.

Since we work directly with MTWichita, this post is geared toward that specific audition. However, these tips are applicable to most music theater auditions and we hope you find them helpful!

(A short note: Following all these tips does not necessarily mean you'll get selected. However, you will have a successful audition, meaning: you've prepared everything you can control and demonstrated your abilites and who you are with confidence.)

Since we get asked about numbers frequently: Last year about 160 teens signed up to audition and 102 were selected for teen choir.

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First things first: READ ALL THE INFORMATION online and provided to you before calling, emailing, or asking questions. Almost always, the answers are there if you take the time to read the information that was given in the first place.

1. Audition material: song
MTWichita's website states: "Teens should have a cutting of a song prepared for their singing audition time that is around one minute in length."

If you are auditioning with hopes of being cast as a teen in one of the shows as well as being considered for teen choir, it is a great idea to sing a song in the style of one of the shows or by the same composer. It is also a good idea to have a second, contrasting option in the event the panel would like to hear a second selection. Each song cutting should not exceed one minute.

Some thoughts about cuts: Make sure they make sense textually and musically. Cuts should be clearly marked on the music you hand your accompanist. The music you hand your accompanist should be in the correct key, clean (no extra markings, tears, wrinkles, etc.), double sided, and in a three ring binder. Some auditionees like to put their music into plastic sleeves; this is a great option.

Come to your singing audition looking like a teenager and your age. There is no set dress code, but wear something that helps you feel confident and professional.

2. Audition material: dance
Some of you are accomplished dancers and know what to expect from a dance call. For some of you, this is brand new. Regradless of your experience, it is important to approach the dance call with a mindset geared toward learning. No one will be able to do the dance combination perfectly. The audition is really about seeing you progress, try, and not give up. Never walk off the dance floor. Even though you are trying to pick up on the combination and remembering what comes next, your face needs to be telling the story and performing.

Come to your dance audition looking your age. You should wear something form fitting that you can move in. Baggy or very loose clothing obscures your lines and technique, both of which are important to see. Definitely wear shoes you can move in and if you have jazz shoes, those are best.

3. Printed materials
Again, be sure you've read all the posted information online and have printed out the correct forms. Fill them out completely and cleanly. If you don't have a lot of experience, that's fine! Just use the provided audition form to list that experience and attach a headshot.

If you have more experience and want to include a seperate resume, that's great, too. There are lots of templates for professional looking resumes. If you're not sure about how to format yours, ask your teachers (voice/drama/dance), do some research online, and compare with your friends.

Your headshot should look like you on a good day. No glamour shots! (I think I just aged myself) If you don't have a professional headshot, don't stress out. Often a school picture will work fine. Or with a little online research, a photo taken with a cell phone can work as well. Again, your teachers, friends, and the internet are great resources for this.

4. Practice the things that you can control
You have absolutely no control over the casting decisions.

You do have control over the level of preperation of your songs, what you wear, how you slept the night before, your level of hydration, how you will communicate to the pianist your tempos and cuts, and most importantly, your attitude. Isn't that cool?! All those things can be practiced and performed in a mindful way.

In the weeks leading up to your audition, be sure that you are singing your songs in front of people and with different accompanists. The more you are able to put yourself into a mock audition situation, the more comfortable you will feel when it counts.

5. Audition Day
There's a saying in show business: 10 minutes early is on time and on time is late. Be sure you arrive early to your audition in order to check in, gather yourself, and breathe before your audition time.

Treat all the room monitors/check-in people (who are volunteering their time) kindly and respectfully. They are your first allies and will be able to help with any questions.

The hardest and most important thing to remember is this: be yourself. The people in the room want to like you and enjoy what you have to offer. They are rooting for you from the moment you sign up for an audition time. Try to enjoy yourself and let them know who you are through your song and dance.

We hope this helps and inspires you to head into audition season with enthusiasm and confidence!

Thanksgiving 2018: DC edition

This year for Thanksgiving we decided to do something totally out of the norm for our family. We took the girls out of school for two days, met Aleks in Washington DC and spent the week walking, visiting as many museums as we could handle, and having some much needed, concentrated family time. The girls are at a wonderful age for adventuring and this experience made me realize how important it is to travel as a family.

Here's why I think it's important for kids to travel:

We all try new things.
Maia tried 6 new foods on this trip. Granted, they were mostly 6 different bread based foods, but for her it was a really big step forward.

(Here she is eating not a new food, but one of her favorite treats.)

We are made more grateful for what we have.
Using public transportation and living in a basement apartment for 5 days made me aware of how fortunate we are to have such a huge house and live in a place that is so affordable and easy to get around (if you have a car).

Seeing new sights is inspiring.
So many things in DC are asthetically pleasing to look at. The columns outside the reptile house at zoo had carved stone turtles at their base. The Natural History Museum's stone steps were concave from decades of feet that had used them. The row houses in different colors were a feast for the eyes. Ruby kept saying "this is so facinating!" And of course, all the art. The National Portrait Gallery was beyond inspiring (even though my kids were over. it. at this point).

We see outside ourselves.
One of my kiddos asked "why are there so many people here with dark skin?" It made me realize that it's my responsibility to give them the chance to experience places and people that are different from what we know day to day.  I'm doing a disservice to my children if I don't help them see outside themselves and the privelege into which they've been born. Traveling helps them to see beyond our little land locked midwest island and will hopefully grow their empathy and keeps their minds open.

We are made uncomfortable and then have the opportunity to grow.
Walking in the cold, using public transportation, and having limited resources all can be uncomfortable. But because of these things, my kids increased their body awareness, how to walk in a crowd, mastered escalator ettiquette, and improved their capacity for patience.

She decided she was done walking and plopped down while waiting for the light to change. Not pictured: the cars zipping by 2 feet away from the curb.

And to be transparent, I fully recognize that we are beyond priviledged to be able to travel as a family of four and that it's not possible for everyone. Add it to the list of things for which I'm thankful!

We hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Love, Us

Bathroom Remodel: Worth Every Penny

Our house was built in 1997 as some of the new construction following the 1991 Andover tornado.

There are many things we love about our house. However, we have always hated our bathroom. It's huge, but the space wasn't used in an effecient way and it was extremely dated.

Admittedly, the large bathtub was handy when the girls were little. I'd put Ruby in there (without any water and before she could walk) as a way to keep her contained while I took a shower. Now that they're bigger, the tub was hardly used and Aleks and I just got fed up with the tiny, oddly shaped shower.

So, we decided to finally bite the bullet and remodel the space into something we love. Aleks did all the work securing the loan and the contractor and I took the lead in designing and communciating with the workers.

Here's our bathroom before:

And here it is, one month and a week later. (Totally worth the wait.)

In place of the tub, I had a makeup counter installed, which takes advantage of the natural light coming in. Now, I just have to learn how to do my makeup!

The shower material is Onyx, a man made product. What I like about this product is that there are no grout lines to clean. I adore subway tile, but to use all tile would have put our house out of the price range for our neighborhood. While we did this remodel for ourselves and not necessarily resale value, I wanted to be somewhat responsible.

And a bench in a shower is just the best.

Our fixtures are all brushed nickel, but the light fixtures have some brass and when I saw these mirrors I thought the brass frame would help soften all the gray. I have no idea if I'm "allowed" to mix metals, but I like the way it turned out.

Aleks was really wonderful about trusting my taste and vision. He admittedly had some reservations about round mirrors and a few other things, but is thrilled with how it all turned out.

The makeup counter and vanity were both custom built, so I asked for a laundry basket drawer. It's one of my favorite things about the bathroom.

I didn't want a huge makeup counter, so there wasn't room left for drawers.

We ended up designing the vanity so that drawers pulled out from the side and are easily accesible while I'm sitting at the makeup counter.

The graphic back splash really warms up the room and adds interest.

Our contractor suggested a darker grout to match the tile. I insisted on a lighter shade and I'm really glad I did.

The stained wood shelves are another favorite of mine. They match the makeup counter top and light fixtures.

We are so glad we decided to do this. Our conractor was wonderful. He was a great communicator, worked clean, and tried to save us money whenever he could. Let me know if you'd like his contact info!